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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All Posts filed under »satire«
Boomer Breasts and the State of the Planet
November 30, 2012
Boomer breasts, while going about their daily business in relative obscurity, have nonetheless unwittingly become symbols of the general state of our world. The Breaking up of the Polar Ice Caps: The southward journey of the Boomer breast is symbolic of the sinking of the polar ice caps, but because it is located in a […]
Alienation
November 28, 2012
World events have been happening so quickly in the past week that, midway through my consumption of a sweet potato and marshmallow casserole, I seriously considered blowing off the Post-Thanksgiving-Held-on-Actual-Thanksgiving Midnight Madness at the local Walmart in order to track events as they were unfolding. We shall begin with a discovery beneath the […]
Bimbos, Dildos, and Ho-Hos
November 19, 2012
In an event even more shocking than the removal of a 9 inch dildo from the intestines of a 30-year-old man in Zhongshan, China, the Hostess Company, purveyors of food like substances since 1930, is shutting its doors. No longer will chubby fingers be able to pull apart such nutrient-deficient but oh-so-fun products as Sno Balls, Devil […]
Voice of Elmo, Silenced
November 18, 2012
Fifty-two-year-old Kevin Clash, who, since 1984, has been the voice of the beloved Muppet Elmo, was recently accused of having had a sexual relationship with a 16-year-old boy. Clash took a leave of absence from Sesame Street after the claims surfaced. In June, a young man contacted Sesame Workshop saying he had a sexual relationship with […]
A Short Hiatus From Blogging
November 10, 2012
Like Facebook, Twitter, and Donald Trump’s brain synapses, blogging imparts a belief that one’s thoughts are vital to the well-being of the planet. A vacation from blogging imparts an awareness that world events tend to continue with or without During my hiatus from blogging, a president got re-elected, after both parties spent the equivalent of […]
A Short Phone Conversation Between Mitt Romney and the IRS
September 26, 2012
This is the IRS, where our motto is “We will hold off your death, until you have paid your taxes.” Uh, hi. Hey, are you aware that I have been on hold for about two hours? I would ask you what your point was but it wouldn’t matter. How can I help you? Uh, yeah, […]
Would You Give Up Your Sex Life for A Good Parking Spot?
September 22, 2012
My friend Susan insists that when she isn’t having sex and doesn’t have the prospect of sex looming on the horizon, she has a Parking Fairy. When she is having sex or has the prospect of having sex, her Parking Fairy disappears. I can attest to this phenomenon. Or rather, I do have to take […]
Becoming A Smart Ass, the Cottonelle Way
September 19, 2012
I never thought I’d be writing a post about toilet paper. On the other hand, I also never thought I would have written posts about things spewing out of my nose, zombie pustules from outer space, and placentas. But when my palm is being greased (in a manner of speaking), I suppose I’ll write about […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
Unicorns, Starvation, and Sparkly Fairy Dust
December 3, 2012
23
In an announcement Friday, the North Korean state news agency reported that archaeologists recently reconfirmed the discovery of the lair of a unicorn once ridden by an ancient Korean king. According to the Korean Central News Agency, the discovery was made about 219 yards from the Yongmyong Temple in Pyongyang. A rock that sits in […]