Would You Give Up Your Sex Life for A Good Parking Spot?

Posted on September 22, 2012


My friend Susan insists that when she isn’t having sex and doesn’t have the prospect of sex looming on the horizon, she has a Parking Fairy.  When she is having sex or has the prospect of having sex, her Parking Fairy disappears.  I can attest to this phenomenon.  Or rather, I do have to take her word about the having sex part, since I’m not an audience to such antics. But I can attest to being in the car during both her alleged dry and wet non-dry spells and bingo, things happen exactly as she predicts.

Last night, we went to dinner in an area in which parking is difficult, if not impossible, to achieve.  As we pulled up close to the restaurant, as if by magic, someone got into their car and left.  Susan pulled in.  Her response is always the same, “Ah, my Parking Fairy is here. Damn.  No sex for me.”

I’ve tried to explain all this to myself from the small body of knowledge I have about fairies, which consists mostly of Tinkerbell, the Tooth Fairy, Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother, and dreadful illustrations people post on Facebook.  I don’t remember a fairy-sex correlation with any of these, although if she ditched the big bun and got some hair extensions, Tinkerbell could easily be a stand in for one of Hef’s Girls Next Door.

I also confuse angels and fairies, although that’s another topic entirely. I do know that angels are associated with religion. But the reality is that they both have wings and fly and do good deeds, and I don’t think anyone has ever actually taken a photo of either one. I looked up the difference online and apparently, there are a lot of guidelines to determine which one you are looking at.  But I’m thinking that if you ever saw an angel or a fairy in real life, you’d be so blown away and distracted by screaming something like “Jumpin Jehosephat, it’s an angel/fairy!” that you wouldn’t be analyzing the way they were dressed or the colors of their wings.

The bottom line is I didn’t find a reference to sex with either. So, unless other people come forward with eyewitness accounts of sex-related experiences involving fairies, I have to think that Susan’s experiences are unique. Note that I didn’t use the word “very”  before the word “unique.”  What’s up with people saying “very unique?” Unique is just that.  It’s unique.  One of a kind.  If you are reading this and you are guilty of using the phrase “very unique,” stop right now or I won’t let you read my blog.  I have my standards.

Back to Susan.  I’m always in a quandary about her sex/Parking Fairy thing.  As a good friend, I’d love for her to have a sex life, if she so desires.  But as a self-absorbed example of Only Child Syndrome (blame Mildred and Ben), I’d rather she get good parking spaces when I’m with her.  If I’m not with her, I don’t care.  In fact, she could be having sex in her car while driving around in endless loops trying to find a parking spot, and that would be A-OK with me.

So that’s the story about Susan and the Parking Fairy.  Believe it or not.  I don’t care whether you do or don’t.  Just lose the “very” before “unique.” I really do care about that.