The 24-Hour Boob Job

Posted on May 12, 2015


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Life in the Boomer Lane was in the process of tweaking her latest post about the Hubble discovery of phantom objects lurking around dead quasars, when she happened to glance at the following headline, compliments of Newsweek: The 24-Hour Boob Job. If you are a loyal reader who actually cares about dead quasars and their groupies, you’ll have to do the research yourself. LBL would rather talk about boobs.

Thanks to Dr. Norman Rowe, a physician on the Upper East Side of New York, you can walk in with one size breasts and, a mere hour later, walk out with double or triple that size. He does this by injecting a saline solution into women’s breasts.  Think about this as another version of Cinderella’s pumpkin, except there will be two of them, instead of one. And, instead of the boobs disappearing at midnight like the pumpkin does, they will merely start to deflate at that time. Like Cinderella, one will wake up the next morning, feeling like the night before was a mere fantasy.  Unlike Cinderella, one will probably still have both shoes.

In addition to your breasts deflating, your wallet will, as well.  The procedure will set you back $2500.  That’s a lot to spend for one night of fantasy breasts. But, should a woman decide to then have permanent breast augmentation, the $2500 will count as a credit toward the surgery.  And, in case you were wondering, 80% of women who have the temporary fix go on to have the permanent one done. Rowe started the temporary injections as a way to let women know what they would look like after augmentation, rather than simply a way for women to blow thousands of dollars on a hot date.

LBL is anticipating your questions, so here goes:

Why $2500?

Why, Indeed, since according to Dr Terry Dubrow, a surgeon who also does temporary augmentation, “the cost of the materials is about $20.”  The profit goes toward necessary expenses like malpractice insurance, staff, state-of-the-art medical technology, and private planes.

Is this a form of misrepresentation? 

On the doctor’s part, not at all. On yours, it’s another story. How would you like to wake up next to your hot date, only to find that a certain part of his anatomy had continued to deflate throughout the night?

Are fake breasts in the same category as coloring one’s hair, getting contact lenses, having one’s teeth corrected, or getting a tattoo of ants crawling up your face?

All of them are considered by the people who do them to have enhanced their attractiveness, although, unlike the others, the ant thing was most likely done under the influence of something illegal.

Why aren’t women happy to be just the way they are?

This is an age-old question that has been contemplated by philosophers throughout time.  Most of them stopped contemplating when their wives found out what they were doing and bonked them over the head and said,  “Stop it with the contemplating, already. I need the car keys to go get my hair done and my eyebrows waxed.”