Life in the Boomer Lane was in the process of tweaking her latest post about the Hubble discovery of phantom objects lurking around dead quasars, when she happened to glance at the following headline, compliments of Newsweek: The 24-Hour Boob Job. If you are a loyal reader who actually cares about dead quasars and their groupies, you’ll have to do the research yourself. LBL would rather talk about boobs.
Thanks to Dr. Norman Rowe, a physician on the Upper East Side of New York, you can walk in with one size breasts and, a mere hour later, walk out with double or triple that size. He does this by injecting a saline solution into women’s breasts. Think about this as another version of Cinderella’s pumpkin, except there will be two of them, instead of one. And, instead of the boobs disappearing at midnight like the pumpkin does, they will merely start to deflate at that time. Like Cinderella, one will wake up the next morning, feeling like the night before was a mere fantasy. Unlike Cinderella, one will probably still have both shoes.
In addition to your breasts deflating, your wallet will, as well. The procedure will set you back $2500. That’s a lot to spend for one night of fantasy breasts. But, should a woman decide to then have permanent breast augmentation, the $2500 will count as a credit toward the surgery. And, in case you were wondering, 80% of women who have the temporary fix go on to have the permanent one done. Rowe started the temporary injections as a way to let women know what they would look like after augmentation, rather than simply a way for women to blow thousands of dollars on a hot date.
LBL is anticipating your questions, so here goes:
Why $2500?
Why, Indeed, since according to Dr Terry Dubrow, a surgeon who also does temporary augmentation, “the cost of the materials is about $20.” The profit goes toward necessary expenses like malpractice insurance, staff, state-of-the-art medical technology, and private planes.
Is this a form of misrepresentation?
On the doctor’s part, not at all. On yours, it’s another story. How would you like to wake up next to your hot date, only to find that a certain part of his anatomy had continued to deflate throughout the night?
Are fake breasts in the same category as coloring one’s hair, getting contact lenses, having one’s teeth corrected, or getting a tattoo of ants crawling up your face?
All of them are considered by the people who do them to have enhanced their attractiveness, although, unlike the others, the ant thing was most likely done under the influence of something illegal.
Why aren’t women happy to be just the way they are?
This is an age-old question that has been contemplated by philosophers throughout time. Most of them stopped contemplating when their wives found out what they were doing and bonked them over the head and said, “Stop it with the contemplating, already. I need the car keys to go get my hair done and my eyebrows waxed.”
ammaponders
May 12, 2015
What shrewd marketing!
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2015
Isn’t it.
April Mwf
May 12, 2015
Interesting thoughts as I plan to go to the doc for a breast reduction consult this Friday. One of the reasons I’m getting a breast reduction is because of the social repercussions of large breasts: (1) many women automatically hate me on site and assume I’m a whore, and (2) men automatically love me on site and assume I’m a whore. Women and men who prefer larger breast are crazy! Appearance has very little to do with why I’m opting for a breast reduction. The main reasons are musculoskeletal problems and extreme discomfort. Some activities and exercises are impossible due to my breast size. Losing weight is difficult. Bras, shirts, and swimming suits are never made for me. My breast reduction will take my breasts from a cup size of i to d, and the doc tells me I will lose weight and may end up at a c or b. If it weren’t for my broad shoulders and thick arms, I think I would cut them all the way off. I’ve tried to carry them for almost 30 years, and my neck and back have suffered. I’m happy with myself. Thus, I want to be comfortable and pain-free.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2015
You make some outstanding comments. Oversize breasts are a real problem, I know. It’s a mystery why some women would pay money to do this to themselves. I wish you all the best with your reduction surgery.
JackieP
May 12, 2015
Hm, one thing. Don’t we women already wake up to something that has deflated during the night with our partners? Just saying…… 😉
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2015
Funny. Yes, and I certainly thought of that. But, presumably, unlike temporary breasts, the deflation can be reversed, with the proper stimulation.
aginggracefullymyass
May 12, 2015
Having always been amply endowed, I just don’t get why women are so obsessed with having large breasts. From a lifetime of experience, big boobs is a pain in the ass. Not to confuse things anatomically…
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2015
Right. more like a pain in the shoulders and back. And makes buying clothes difficult, too.
pegoleg
May 12, 2015
Wonder if the penalty for Morning After Deflate-Gate is as bad as it was for Tom Brady?
Fake books are no doubt a fascinating subject, but I’m feeling cheated that the phantom objects lurking around dead quasars topic wasn’t explored. Kind of a bait-and-switch, Renee.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2015
I would explore the topic further, but I suspect you’d be the only reader left standing by the end of the post. My readers expect a level of intelligence from me that allows them to feel superior. I try to give them that.
An Ordinary Man (the novel)
May 12, 2015
Surgery never adds beauty in that area; natural AAs are always prettier than fake C-cups
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2015
Agreed. Natural anything is usually better. Oh wait, I do straighten my hair. Sigh.
April Mwf
May 12, 2015
The woman in the “before” photo looks much more comfortable to me!
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2015
You do have a point there, April.
btg5885
May 12, 2015
Renee, is the boob the one paying the $2,500 tab for a 24 hour makeover? Call me crazy , but I would rather be with someone who did not feel she needed to do this. At least that is this old fart’s opinion. Spend the $2,50o on a nice vacation somewhere as the memories and trip will last longer than the deflated boobs. BTG
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2015
Funny first line, BTG. Yes, in a perfect world, nobody would ever feel the need to change anything, right? But, as time goes on in our imperfect world, the cosmetic surgery industry keeps growing.
btg5885
May 21, 2015
Thanks. Men are marketed, but it is more about beer and ED, which many do not see the correlation between the two. But, I digress. Women are hit from every angle on marketing to make them look more ideal, from magazines to music to entertainment TV to pseudo-news personalities who are hired more on looks than substance. That is why I admire Jamie Leigh Curtis, who said the hell with it.
Life With The Top Down
May 13, 2015
I now have what I like to call a “retired” set of boobs. They worked their nipples off feeding my children and believe me it was a rough ride! I’m trying to imagine just how much saline and needles it would take to inflate them at this point. No thank you ….
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2015
Laughing. Just think, we could go go floating away.
April Mwf
May 21, 2015
Or sink…
Susan in TX
May 14, 2015
I’m trying to imagine where I would wear a black dress cut like that–inflated or naturally deflated.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2015
The only people who actually wear dresses like that are all on my soap opera.