Sometimes aging can make us feel like we are naked, smeared with bacon grease and deposited near a den of rabid grizzlies who have just completed a research project involving the effects of a prolonged vegan diet.
While it might seem that there is no way out, know this: There is no way out. OK, now that we have dispensed with the fantasy of escape, we can move on to something that, while not technically in the category of “reality,” is a step closer to it than the fantasy of escaping aging (or rabid bears): the high school reunion.
The high school reunion is a phenomenon that occurs with alarming regularity after one has graduated from high school. It is most often organized by people who have gained no weight or lost any hair since graduation, or who are vampires and so don’t cast reflections in mirrors.
Herein lies the beauty of the class reunion: Unlike our hair, reunions do get better with age. Here are the reasons why:
We start by being defined by our ability to achieve the items on the I’m-An-Adult-Now Checklist: Are we married? Check. Have we produced offspring? Check. (or Check. Check. Check.) Have we become successful in our jobs? Check. OK, we pass. We also remain defined by the successes we were in high school. The athletes are supposed to still look like athletes. The cheerleaders like cheerleaders.
After awhile, as the decades pass, as children grow older and leave, and as some marriages also grow older and leave, the focus becomes more on us. We may, for the first time since graduation, actually connect as people, rather than owners of marriage/children/career appendages. This is an amazing thing. People who used to intimidate us have aged exactly the way we have. The cheerleader now looks like a 50 or 60-year-old woman, and we can throw our arms around her and revel in that squishy-soft feeling od her upper arms.
And, ah, the other benefits of the high school (or college) reunion. Like love. There are reasons why so many people find love at reunions. There is a built-in level of comfort and of trust. These are the people who knew us before we made such complete messes of our lives. These are the people who take us back to the time when life was something to look forward to, rather than a series of choices to regret. And the ability to look at this person at age 50 or 60 and to see them as they were, knowing they are looking at us and seeing us how we used to be.
Like reinvention. For those of us who did manage to lose the weight/the buck teeth/the Coke bottle glasses/the dorky clothes, the reunion is a way to flaunt our reinvented selves to the world. We revel in statements such as “How did you ever get your eyes to uncross?” or “I was told you were living in a cabin in the mountains and running a shelter for pit bulls.” I guess I was wrong.”
Like friendship. Without the trappings of life, we get back to who we were with the people who we wanted to be with. We laugh like we used to. We are silly and irreverent and subversive. We tell secrets and we reveal. We eat bad food. Only now there is no teacher casting a baleful eye on our behavior, no parent to tell us we should be doing our homework and not fooling around. We are the adults now. It’s just us, being exactly who we want to be.
Here’s to the high school reunion.
Life in the Boomer Lane 
Spectra
March 10, 2012
This all makes very good sense to me. The veneer of making impressions peels away and we are now just whoever we are, and can find new ways to relate to each other. When I first got on face book, 2 years back, it was amazing to find everyone or be found, and the streaming chatter was much like that in the hallways between classes. One guy even admitted to always having had a crush on me; I’d had no idea.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
I love that. Sometimes, people can actually stop protecting themselves and be vulnerable and authentic.
Travel Spirit
March 10, 2012
I’ve never been to a class reunion and want to keep it that way!!!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
Coward.
Travel Spirit
March 10, 2012
It’s not that…really. The couple of people that I was friends with in H.S. are still in my life and the rest I don’t doubt I’d become fast friends with over one evening.
Kathryn McCullough
March 10, 2012
Weird as it may sound, I’ve never been to a class reunion either. But, hell, maybe I need to go next time. Obviously I’m missing out!
Hugs,
Kathy
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
Go, go. At the very least it will provide material for your blog.
chlost
March 10, 2012
Even though I didn’t attend the past few reunions, I am still connected with classmates who did attend. They reported exactly what you describe. The cliques are gone, everyone is a person who shares one thing…..having attended the same high school at the same time. Now that is enough to enjoy each other’s company. I am almost convinced that I should attend the next reunion.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
Great. Let us know how it goes.
Rebecca Latson Photography
March 10, 2012
High School Reunions. Bleah. No, not your blog, just the whole thought of them. I went to my 10-year reunion, and that was the last one I attended. I kept thinking (in that fantasy daydream I used to entertain) that we would all be friends and so happy to see one another that we’d all be hugging each other and interested in knowing how our lives had progressed. That didn’t happen. The cliques still existed and nobody really cared how anybody else did except in a “frenemy” sort of way. So when I was contacted some 10 years after that about attending the next reunion, I told the gal exactly what I thought. She agreed with me, but still didn’t take nicely to actually hearing it spoken out loud. I don’t really care much what has become of my highschool classmates, to be honest. The friends who were good friends back then are still good friends, and the rest are like so much wheat chaff. Ooo! This sounds bitter even to me and I don’t mean to sound bitter….just mildly disgusted and very cynical.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
Forget about the ten year. Wait until the 40 year. It will be great.
ladywithatruck
March 10, 2012
I tend to agree with Rebecca, I went to my 10 year and was totally turned off maybe a 20 year one would be better but I missed that one and the 30 year. To be honest I didn’t recognize most of the people, even when they tried to jog my memory I couldn’t remember having Social Studies with them or the burnt brownies in Home Ec.
The highlight of the night was when they were giving out awards and they came to the “Most Athletic Male”. The guy had a bit of a ponch, was mostly bald with a comb over. The crowd was cheering and clapping as he ran the length of the auditorium and took a leap up to the stage; hooked his toe on the edge of the stage and fell flat on his face.
Sounds bitchy of me but he was such a jock in school and the girls were always tripping over themselves to get to him it just seemed fitting he should do a face plant.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
Ooooh, are we being just a tad bit vindicated? I like that.
speaker7
March 10, 2012
“Friending” high school “friends” on Facebook has further cemented my desire to never attend a high school reunion. Maybe I’ll go after the apocalypse?
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
One bright spot there: It will be easier to book a swell venue after that.
pegoleg
March 10, 2012
I haven’t gone since my 5th and nothing had changed then. If someone organizes a 35th this year, I’m going, for all the reasons you gave. Enough of life’s water has gone under the bridge (and over the dam, and into my basement and everywhere else water goes) that it will all be fresh and, yet, familiar.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
Atta girl, Peg. Yeah, that water goes wherever it wants to (mine bloats my face beyond all recognition after I eat salthy stuff). But reunions can be great, after a certain number of years go by.
The Itty Bitty Boomer
March 10, 2012
I found that the 5 year and 10 year reunions are pretty much status quo from high school – the next one I went to was 20 year and it was pretty cool! My 40 year reunion was an absolute blast – I went from a small high school in California for my soph and jr year, to a very large high school for my senior year. Went back for my 40 year reunion and, though I knew very few people, had a fabulous time and met (or re-met?) many. I also went to a multi-class (40th-ish) reunion for the high school I would have gone to from junior high (the joys of being a military brat) with one of my best friends and REALLY had a blast rekindling acquaintences from 45 years ago!
It’s scary going – but I would recommend doing it – especially if you are in the 30+ year range. It’s a blast! Looking forward to my 45-year reunion and beyond!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
I think something magical happens at the 40 year reunion. It’s all about us connecting with each other, rather than presenting a list of accomplishments.
morristownmemos by Ronnie Hammer
March 10, 2012
Some people never stop talking about their accomplishments and still try to impress, and others are pathetically complaining about money and the cost of living.
Nah, not for me. I’ve moved forward and don’t want to go back. but I’m glad you had such a good time at your reunion.
Ronnie
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
I detect a groundswell of bad attitude toward reunions.
Betty Londergan
March 10, 2012
Okay – here’s your full dose of GOOD reunion attitude, Boomer Queen!
I went to my 10th, 20th, 25th and (gulp) 40th reunions — and since I’m obviously an expert (tee hee) … here’s my opinion.
At the 10th, everyone is still trying to impress everyone else — with jobs, marriages, kids, etc. so it can be a lot more of the stuff you never liked in high school.
By the 20th, though, something bad has pretty much happened to everybody — they gotten divorced, their kid is in rehab, their business tanked … because that’s just how life goes.
Nobody gets out alive. And THAT realization tends to make people a lot more humble, compassionate to others, and real.
By the 25th, pretty much all of the stupid old competitive crap is gone: if somebody is doing well, you are happy for them; If somebody is having a terrible time, you have the grace to tell them it will get better, and you wish them the best.
At MY 25th reunion, I re-met a guy I’d known since junior high and …ta da! … three months later, I’d moved from Colorado to Pennsylvania, sold my business, two houses and left all my friends of 22 years … and we were married. With four kids between us. Yikes@!!
And 15 years later, we’re still married, attended our 40th … and saw people we’d known since elementary school, which was really a complete joy, since those folks know you in a way that all your adult friends just don’t and can’t.
Plus, at my 25th reunion, I reconnected with one of my favorite friends from the age of 6. We corresponded sporadically but enthusiastically for years. Then one day he wrote and told me he had terminal cancer. Although he was very social and super handsome, he’d never married and his parents had died, so he didn’t have much close family. But when I went and visited him in the hospital, the entire wall of his room was covered with notes, cards, photos and best wishes from people in our class — and people had sent audio books, CDs, and footballs — it was unbelievably touching!
So … in a VERY long response (sorry) .. I’m a big reunion fan! Just GO!
The Itty Bitty Boomer
March 10, 2012
Betty, I so agree wtih you!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
I love your response, Betty. And I especially love that you married someone you reconnected with at your reunion!
Absence of Alternatives
March 10, 2012
Hi, Betty, I really love your comment. It sounds like a very very nice movie with a lot of life lessons!
ryoko861
March 10, 2012
I’m the class of ’79. I haven’t gone to one reunion. I get the envelope and toss it! I try to get my name on the “MIA” list. Someone keeps giving me up (I know who it is). I have NO desire to see ANY of these people. The sniveling snobs, not-cool-enough jerks that made me feel totally inadequate can kiss my ass. I’m in touch with the 4 people I care about and who care about me. I don’t even think there was a 30 year reunion. I’ve moved on. That was the past. Something I don’t care to think about. Though I do wish I could go back to my senior year and do it all over again. What a blast!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
OK, so what do you really think about reunions?
ryoko861
March 11, 2012
LOL! Don’t get me started!! 😀
KM Huber
March 10, 2012
Here’s my ditto.
Hippie
Carl D'Agostino
March 10, 2012
How did all these people get so old ? And the once pretty girls – no more. And the athletic fellows – should get trophy for pot belly or bald head. What happened to these people? I have not changed much at all in the last 40 years. They must have all caught some disease.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
Like you, I have not changed at all. In fact, any less-than-perfect physical characteristics I had are now gone. BTW, if you find my glasses, just put them back wherever they are hiding.
The Byronic Man
March 10, 2012
The 10 year was this tension filled marathon until people finally drank enough to drop the pretense and say ‘Okay, fine! You know what I’ve done since high school? Jack. Squat. I’ve botched every relationship I’ve been in! I guess that’s something! Happy??” Then everyone relaxed.
20-year, oddly, everyone looked much better than 10. I guess in your 30’s you eat better, drink a little less, and exercise more…
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
I guess it takes people awhile to get real. Yet one more reason why life keeps getting better the older we get.
gojulesgo
March 12, 2012
Gasp! Byronic Man can’t be old enough to have attended a 20-year high school reunion. No way, Jose. OMG. Are you like Doogie Howser?
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 12, 2012
No, he graduated at age 10. Have you not noticed how brilliant he is?
Absence of Alternatives
March 10, 2012
I do often wonder what happened to this person or that person. I really want to know what happened to my first boyfriend and my best friend in college whom my first BF dumped me for. So far I have not heard of any reunions from my past. Or could it be that I was not invited?… Hmmm…
I am glad that your reunions sound so much more awesome, not depressing like what the movies show. 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
Part of it might be that I went to an all girls high school and that our reunions are just us, no partners etc. I do think it’s funny that you wonder if your weren’t invited to your own reunion. That’s like a line from a Woody Allen film.
The Itty Bitty Boomer
March 10, 2012
The funniest thing I ever saw at a reunion was at my 10 year reunion in Hawaii – I heard this very familiar voice calling me – “Marie …. Marie …… it’s me, Albert …” When I turned around, there was this georgous woman with the typical reunion name badge/senior picture with the name “Albert” whatever his last name was. He got the award and a standing ovation for having changed gthe most. ;p) And was he ever excited!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 10, 2012
I give you the award for the best reunion story ever.
notquiteold
March 10, 2012
Yours is such a positive view. I’m afraid I always go hoping to prove something, but I end up feeling like the awkward shy kid I was in high school. But I’ll go next time too. It will probably be a daytime reunion, since we are all going to bed so early now.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 11, 2012
As Betty said so elequently, by a certain age nobody gets out alive. By a certain age, life has presented all of us with challenges, whether health issues, marital issues/divorce, employment/financial issues, issues with children or parents, weight gain, whatever. So there’s no need to prove anything. Go and connect and just have fun. And write a post about it!
sandecaplin
March 11, 2012
I am getting ready for mine…..less that 7 weeks away, 44 years! And yes, I found romance from 44 years ago!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 11, 2012
Rock on, Sande! xxoo
She's a Maineiac
March 11, 2012
It’s good to know some people can have such a positive experience at their reunions. I’ve never been to a single one. My 25th is coming up and now I am seriously considering going to it. I’m sure enough time has passed where I won’t end up crying in the girls’ bathroom over the fact that Johnny asked Susie to dance and not me, right? And maybe this time I’ll get invited to sit at the cool kids’ cafeteria lunch table?
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 11, 2012
Yes! You can have it all now. Just think: Probably none of those heinous cheerleaders can fit into their uniforms anymore.
She's a Maineiac
March 11, 2012
I’m sold! I’m going.
georgettesullins
March 11, 2012
“we can throw our arms around her and revel in that squishy-soft feeling od her upper arms.” haha exactly!
I found a bff at our 40th. We even look a bit alike and people ask if we’re sisters. When the prize was being given out for who had traveled the furthest, it came down to three of us…the girl from Denver won…but the screaming and carrying on that went on when the two of us realized we just live 10″ apart is an awesome memory. We have lunch once a month since then, she reads and comments on every one of my posts, has become one of my greatest cheerleaders. Awesome experience. I do like this post, Renée.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 11, 2012
Thanks, Georgette. I love that you found a new bff. I connected with my close hs friends in a totally new way after our 40th. Since then, we have gotten together several times, in spite of the distance. It’s been such a joy.
John
March 11, 2012
How very insightful!
I’ve never gone to a high school reunion (or any reunion for that matter), but I’m certain what you’ve said is absolutely spot-on.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 11, 2012
Thanks, John!
nrhatch
March 11, 2012
I’ve never been to a HS reunion and doubt I’ll ever be enticed to attend one.
I have “reconnected” with many of my classmates on Facebook and that cyber connection has established that there is no real connection . . . other than the school we attended. I’ve even seen videos of mini-reunions they’ve held in the last couple years . . . and nothing about the “gathering of the clan” interests me enough to make me travel 1,000 miles to meet up in person.
But it is lovely that the playing field levels after a time and people shed their protective layers and labels to share the real deal.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 11, 2012
Yes, 1000 miles is a lot to travel. If you were closer, you might be pleasantly surprised. Are any of your hs friends now following your blog? It seems to me that that would be a more valuable connection than on Facebook.
nrhatch
March 11, 2012
A few HS friends follow SLTW with some regularity. Sometimes they comment on the post. Other times they comment on FB.
Sometimes they remain mute . . . tongue-tied . . . speechless . . . at a loss for words. 😉
writingfeemail
March 11, 2012
This is so true. We realize there is no competition after all and see that life doles out rainbows and lemons to the most and least popular alike. We feel the pain of loss for each other as parents, spouses and God forbid – even some children – pass away. Thanks for this lovely piece about relationships.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 11, 2012
And thank you. Yes, we are all in this life together, and the best we can do is to connect, enjoy, and to support each other. And when we do so with people who went through the same experiences we did, the connection is so special.
Laurie Mirkin
March 11, 2012
Myself and my S.O. are heading for our 44th. He had much to do to put it together, and I noticed he had a helluva lot more enthusiasm than I did reaching back into a painful and clumsy time (i thought) and going rah rah! NOW he tells me I was the girl who everyone wanted to date. NOW he tells me so-and-so had a wild crush on me and here I thought we were all so tired of each other and couldn’t wait to push onward and upward to college and REAL MEN AND WOMEN. But I also found out who the GIRL WHO SCREWED EVERYONE was, and what she did well and who she did it with. So when I run into her on the buffet line and look her in the eye I’ll try not to laugh as I imagine her with the quarterback doing the bareback under the bleachers. The thing I look forward to is bonding with the women. In 1968 we didn’t know that women were going to be our best allies.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 11, 2012
OH MY. Having gone to an all girls high school, I missed all the drama. The most scandalous thing that ever happened at my school was that two girls were caught smoking in the bathroom. Re the painful and clumsy thing: I think most kids, no matter how popular, experience that. After all, adolescence is brain-scrambling time, isn’t it. I mean, next to menopause.
sonjey
March 11, 2012
Catching up with some good friends that I lost touch with over the years is so inviting! My reunion is just around the corner and I plan on being selective and productive all in the same weekend!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 13, 2012
And you’ll probably be one of the stars of the show! xxoo
etomczyk
March 11, 2012
I hated high school so much that I can’t even imagine going to a reunion. Come to think of it, I never went to my college reunions either. I guess I’m not the looking back type. I’m always facing forward while trying to rest in today. No time for yesterday. But good post. I’ll be interested to see how you fair going to your reunion. Cheers!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 12, 2012
I think it’s tough for anyone who was subjected to bullying or abuse. And I was lucky. I went to a relatively small, all girls, college preparatory high school (It was an alternative school that was part of the public school system in Philly). No cliques, none of that crap that happens at other schools. It was an amazing experience.
edrevets
March 12, 2012
Aging sounds surprisingly similar to a scenario I painted in the “My American Dream” essay contest.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 12, 2012
I will read that!
simonandfinn
March 12, 2012
This was a thoughtful post .. I’ve always dreaded the high school reunion as it felt so forced, but the ideas you put forward cast a wiser and more profound perspective – thanks!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 12, 2012
And thanks so much for your comments!
Audubon Ron
March 12, 2012
I attended an all boys high school. I assure you , I have no interest in attending such an event as a reunion. What do you call three old buddies sitting next to each other at a high school reunion?
Ans: Dead Pecker Bench.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 12, 2012
That’s funny. And, no offense (Don’t you just love when people start that way?) but hey, girls are just more fun.
gojulesgo
March 12, 2012
Love this post! “…rather than owners of marriage/children/career appendages…” That is refreshing to hear! In some ways I feel like I go to a reunion every time my old group of friends has a party (usually a couple of times a year, I see the people I spent almost every day with at ages 18-20), and while I do feel the need to want to show off sometimes, it is so nice when we get to that place where everyone is seeing the ‘old/real’ you!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 12, 2012
Yes, it’s tough to keep up appearances when your cheeks have become your jowls. But yes, it’s such a relief. We have all been through something by then that reminds us that we aren’t as godlike as we had assumed. So we can just enjoy each other exactly the way we used to.
Main Street Musings Blog
March 13, 2012
For me high school wasn’t a time before I made messes, it was the time I actually made my messes. Thankfully, I’ve since cleaned them up and attended my reunion with my head held a little higher ( and my bottom hanging a little lower).
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 13, 2012
You know, when i was a high school and college i was terrified of doing anything that would “ruin” my reputation. I had it that girls who did that were scarred for life. I’ve since learned that far from it ruining them, they are the ones with all the good stories to tell.
Alaina Mabaso
March 13, 2012
Thanks for this post. I just got the letter in the mail for my 10-year high school reunion. Husband: check. Kids? Nope. Career? Meh. I wasn’t that popular then and doubt I’ve done anything in the intervening years to merit any more popularity now. Plus a lot of my classmates are deep into their toddler-parenting years and I totally can’t relate.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 13, 2012
Yes, the 10 year would be that way. Maybe you can wait another 30 years.
mattymillard
March 24, 2012
We have never had a reunion in 12 years – pretty terrible!!! Would be interesting to go to one, but half the intrigue has probably been lost now that we all have facebook so we know who has fulfilled the growing up checklist!!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 24, 2012
Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer lane, Matty. Hey, it took my hs class 17.5 years to have its first reunion. But once we got going, we had them regularly.
Booksphotographsandartwork
March 24, 2012
I don’t think you could pay me enough to go. I will wait as long as possible. Maybe when the playing field can’t help but be a little more even, like near 80 year old mark!
kristin
May 30, 2015
I’ve never been to a class reunion and want to keep it that way too 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 30, 2015
I suspect others feel as you do, as well. Thanks for commenting and thanks for visiting my alternate universe.
Dotty Haight
September 1, 2015
High school reunions are a BLAST!!! Our 10th WAS FUN….. everyone WAS trying to impress others, but there was NO Google, so everyone could make up what they wanted!!! The 20th was GREAT, the 25th was at a special dinner house/magic club and was FABULOUS, our 30th was MORE FUN!!! We ALL have a common interest – our childhood and school days!!! We ALMOST always remember the families of our classmates, and many still live in our hometown!!! It is SILLY to avoid the reunions, as AT LEAST the committee APPRECIATES who comes and find a special kinship with the former student!!! Plus, the committee works HARD for years with no pay to bring it all together!!! I recommend that EVERYONE GO to their high school reunions, as you MIGHT find someone you’ve thought about over the years!!! And it’s FUN!!!!
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 1, 2015
Thanks for your comments, Dotty. Yes, reunions can be great, and ours have gotten even better with age.