My Mother, Not Me

 

Life in the Boomer Lane doesn’t need Mother’s Day to think about her own mother. She does that, pretty much, all throughout the year. She lost her mother four decades ago, before her mother could have experienced the joy of grandchildren. LBL would have liked to have been the kind of person her mom was: selfless, loyal, uncomplaining, a great cook. Instead, she got other attributes, which she is still trying to figure out. So, in honor of Mother’s Day, she presents to you some of the differences between her mother (Mildred) and herself.

(A note to her mother: If, wherever you are, you are reading this, be so kind as to leave a comment. LBL has been contacted, after death, by her mother-in-law, her dog, her cousin, and other assorted people who she didn’t even know very well. Never by you. She still deeply regrets the scare she gave you when she stayed out for hours, playing the pinball machine at one of the neighborhood grocery stores. Please contact her.)

M: would have gone without eating to make sure LBL had enough
LBL: would have cut the (generous) crusts off the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, scarfed them down, and told her child that she had done them a favor by presenting them the sandwich in that tidy way.

M: would have spent her last dollar on something for LBL
LBL: would have spent her last dollar on an ice cream for her child, after sampling all of the flavors in the ice cream store. Then she would have asked for a bite of her child’s ice cream.

M: never uttered one word about the hardships of her life
LBL: entertained her kids with a comedy routine about life’s tragedies, wrote a blog post about them, told all of her friends in great detail, and then increased her meds

M: never had the need to hire a babysitter while LBL was growing up
LBL: had a parade of sitters come to the house, some of whom arrived wearing ankle monitors

M: would never have considered feeding LBL anything other than a home-cooked meal for dinner
LBL: by the time her kids were teens, developed a real preference for any food product sold in cardboard boxes

M: would have sat up all night worrying, had LBL ever have stayed out too late
LBL: fully intended to stay up and worry, but then always fell into a blissful, sound sleep

M: always made the world a less scary, less complex, less daunting place for LBL
LBL: will have to check with her kids to see if that was the case for them. If the answer is positive, she’ll let you know. If not, you’ll never hear about this again.

M: truly believed the wonders of the universe all resided in LBL’s eyes. And that was all she needed in life.
LBL: also believes the wonders of the universe all reside in her children’s eyes. But she also requires manicures and online shopping.