The inevitable consequence of aging is that our losses multiply. Death is the loss many of us will think of first. Most of the people who defined our world in childhood will leave that world. Many of the friends we have accumulated along the way will be lost. Some losses, like divorce, may be as painful as a death, but unlike death, may seem have no finality.
Other losses will simply mark the passage of time. Our innocence may be lost early or late, but eventually, it will go. Body parts may seem to relocate to other areas of our bodies or be snatched entirely from us. Our memories may become as elusive as our car keys. The loss of our eyesight, our hearing, our teeth, our hair, may have us believing at times that we, ourselves, are disappearing in increments. Our sense of balance, given a temporary reprieve by sensible shoes, may eventually fail. Some of us may lose our minds, but we may blame that on parenthood.
The fact is, the longer we live, the more losses we will sustain. We can complain, we can grieve, we can mourn, we can avoid. We will sustain loss nonetheless. If we can take anything away from loss, it is that loss, like all of life, presents us with choices. We can go into permanent grieving or we can incorporate into ourselves the best of the people we have lost. We can be a presence for them in this world. We can allow the dissolution of relationships to derail us, or we can learn, and emerge stronger. We can make the shift from focusing on what we have lost to that of what we have to give to those around us. As long as we are here, and as long as our minds still function, we will have an impact on those around us. That impact is determined solely by us. And it can never be lost.
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If you would like to be part of the Guerrilla Aging conversation, send your post to Renee at lifeintheboomerlane@gmail.com.
Life in the Boomer Lane 
btg5885
August 15, 2014
Renee, your last paragraph says it all. Thanks, BTG
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
Thank you, BTG. I think we all get to acknowledge the losses of our lives and see them as a way to become more than we thought we could be. Life, if anything, gives us the gift of reinvention.
atimetoshare
August 15, 2014
Even though our physical bodies are quickly being eradicated, we have the hope of perfect bodies yet to come.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
That would be either a) new advances in cosmetic surgery b) reincarnation c) a change in mindset
wendykarasin
August 15, 2014
Well said. I am acutely aware of the big losses – death, divorce, disease. But the little ones you mentioned are no less valid, and play a significant role in the cumulative feelings we experience as we age. Your other point about having a choice in how to continue after a major blow is empowering. Yes, we will get knocked down and depressed and disoriented, but then we can get up, see beauty and meaning in our worlds, and reorient. This post resonated.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
Thanks, Wendy. I often see how my presence affects others, and I know that even when I am unaware of others around me as I go through my day, I am having an impact on them. So the question is: What kind of energy do I want to be in the world?
chlost
August 15, 2014
From my observation of my mom’s life, it seems that the final loss is that of choice. Choice of where to live, what to eat , what to wear, with whom to share our lives. The last and best choice we have is our outlook on life…
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
You have just said it all. Thank you.
katecrimmins
August 15, 2014
It’s the loss of innocence that affected me most. It includes a different version of trust and the inability to accept most anything at face value. It’s not all bad. I am hoping it keeps me from buying gadgets I don’t need from those telemarketers who target fragile old folks.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
I think we all mourn the loss of innocence, even if we don’t actually think about it in those terms. Your line about telemarketers resonates. At the same time, I hope I am always able to trust my instincts when it comes to people. I’ve never been wrong yet.
K.L.Richardson
August 15, 2014
While I have sustained my own losses over the years it is watching my mother at 91, valiantly struggle with her losses that affects me the most. When I was younger I (as most children) didn’t think that much about that sort of thing. Now however, I look back at all the losses she sustained- two husbands both from cancer, my sister who was a toddler (I think that was the hardest for her) and more recently my ex who she loved as well, and is baffled at his departure. She is not a demanding person but I notice that when I tell her to do something (our roles are slowly reversing) that she gets a bit testy. I suppose she feels that her choices are pretty much all she has left and it is difficult to let go. I only hope that when my turn comes I can weather it as well as she is.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
Your mom has had so much to deal with. I believe that the loss of a child is the most profound loss any of us can ever experience. I do understand that the testiness comes from fear of losing one’s ability to make choices, especially in a life that seems to have had so much tragedy that was not in one’s control.
Jan Wilberg
August 15, 2014
There’s gain as well. I’m 66 and for the past few years have been preoccupied with loss even though I am healthy, working, and have a great family. But lately, my mind has switched to the concept of gain — greater freedom, less caring about hubbub, more introspection, a lot more satisfaction with what’s happening right now. And wisdom. That’s big. Wisdom. There is still a half full glass.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
Yes, yes, yes. I believe that wisdom comes from having a perspective about the events of our lives. Bravo to you.
A Simple Village Undertaker
August 15, 2014
Well said. Both of my parents are in their 80’s and complain endlessly about having to go to funerals for their friends. I remind them that “it is better to view than to be viewed”…it’s all about the attitude.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
It has to be difficult to say good-bye to one friend after another. That’s why I made the commitment to incorporate the best of each person. We all get to be a presence for those who are gone.
praw27
August 15, 2014
Your words speak clearly to me today, as I am dealing with the loss of a way of life, of what I thought my life would be like and how it actually is. Becoming disabled and all of the “losses” associated with it has set in a grieving process that I am only now beginning to recognize and it has been three years since I have been able to work. Thank you for your timely words!
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
I’m glad they resonated with you. What you are going through is tough, indeed. We all have so many resources to draw from, if we are willing to let go whatever we used to depend on for validation. And often, we find that our new ways of being are more powerful than whatever we gave up.
wordsfromanneli
August 15, 2014
I like that ending: That impact is determined solely by us.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
It’s the greatest power we have.
fearlessanalyst
August 15, 2014
Such a lovely treat to tune in to the wisdom in your blog – and in those who read + respond! My favourite phrase: “We can make the shift from focusing on what we have lost to that of what we have to give to those around us.” After a decade of many losses, this is the shift that has made my life so enriching. One doesn’t need to be religious either, to feel this way 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
Thanks for these comments. Yes, this is exactly what continues to give our lives meaning. And it can come from a belief in religion, from general spirituality, or from whatever is in ourselves that feels connected to the world and wants to leave this world a better place than when we entered it.
fearlessanalyst
August 17, 2014
Well said, as usual 🙂
Elyse
August 15, 2014
I’m pretty sure that the easiest way to deal with all these losses is to lose one’s mind. I’m looking forward to that!
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
Oh Elyse, I have been dealing with my 93-year-old aunt’s diminishing awareness. I see that the deeper she sinks into confusion, the more content she is. She now thinks the nursing home is her actual house, that she left years ago. In a way, it’s been a gift.
dorannrule
August 15, 2014
You have hit a nerve here..Your post echoes my Mom’s often dire predictions. “The worst part of growing old is in losing things and people.” I am learning that facing loss surely requires courage and bravery. “Growing old is not for sissies.”
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
Our culture’s mania for staying young and the misguided belief that boomers are somehow invincible to time often had us avoid the realities we are all facing. We are stunned when loved ones die, when we realize our bodies and minds are failing, when we have, once again, lost the car keys. Simply out, we never thought this would happen to us, and we are often unprepared.
Snoring Dog Studio
August 16, 2014
Well said. I’m learning to cherish the friendships and relationships I have now. Missing the ones we’ve lost never leaves us — but it makes us more human.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
I’ve had the same feeling. And yes, we will always miss the people who have gone, but the loss does, indeed, make us more human.
Rodney Olsen
August 16, 2014
What you hinted at in your final paragraph is so important. Our attitude to those losses will shape us. I have met people well into their later years who are still full of vitality, despite any physical limitations, while knowing other much younger people who seem old before their time. The difference most often is their attitude to life and their response to their losses.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 17, 2014
Thanks for these comments, Rodney. I always say that it’s not the events of our lives that matter, so much as what meaning we take from those events. The luckiest people are not the ones with “perfect” lives. They are the ones who live from love and from gratitude and who see a higher purpose in life.
Deborah Drucker
August 18, 2014
Even though it is true that the longer we live the more losses we will experience, I feel we can continue to grow and learn and be engaged with life. I have always found happiness in some of my quieter pursuits like being in nature, reading, listening to music or watching all kinds of films old and new, and my own inner life of reflection.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 19, 2014
Yes, Deborah, and this awareness, this being-in-the-moment, can be so powerful. We see, hear and feel what we always have, but in a new, equally as enriching way.
The Sandwich Lady
August 19, 2014
Renee, this is a beautiful post. My husband and I are dealing with aging parents and worry every day about their next bout with illness. Loved your advice about incorporating the best of those we lost within ourselves. Thank you.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 19, 2014
And thank you. I always feel that, for me, incorporating the best of loved ones who have gone allows them to keep teaching us. It’s such a powerful legacy.
Lorna's Voice
August 20, 2014
I’ve come to learn that loss is just change and change is the flow of life. I don’t like the sensations that come with losing anything or anyone, but I’ve come to appreciate that like the person or ting I lost, the sensations are also impermanent–I lose the yucky feelings, too. There’s some comfort in that, but it only comes from experiencing many losses…