Most people have one of three reasons to start them thinking about writing a memoir.
One is posterity. When we left the communal campfires of our ancestors, we stopped telling the stories that were passed down through countless generations. Nowadays, as we age, it’s natural to want to pass down our experiences to children and grandchildren. Most people reveal their lives in bits and pieces, even to loved ones we see on a daily basis. We might say, “My dad used to take me fishing sometimes,” when a child points out a fishing rod in a store. Or we might use a childhood experience as a “lesson” for a child or grandchild when a certain situation comes up. While there might be great value in these stories, there is little consistency to any of it. And stories told to our children may not be passed down to our grandchildren. A memoir is a way to leave a legacy.
A second is personal healing. The power of recording the most painful episodes of our lives can’t be stressed enough. Secrets held make us feel ashamed and allow us no perspective. Even writing one sentence can be liberating. Try it. Think of something you have never spoken of to anyone. Write it down in one sentence or one paragraph or one page. Then tear up the paper. These types of memoirs needn’t be shared with anyone. They are the journey within.
A third is bringing our story to the world. Many people have compelling stories to tell, stories that have the potential of enlightening, fascinating, or healing others. Our memoirs are the gifts we give to people we have never met.
The two roadblocks that people encounter when they think of writing a memoir are I can’t write. Or I have nothing to say. Or I don’t know how to begin. The first is even said by writers. The meaning is “I can make stories up, and I can write about other people. I don’t know how to write about myself.” The translates as, “My life is ordinary. Who would want to read about it?” The third can either be a mechanics issue or a way to avoid. The point is none of these statements are real. They are the story we tell ourselves in order to avoid writing the story.
You can write a memoir. Your life isn’t ordinary. And there are ways to go about this. These statements seem simplistic to people who already write, especially since many people who write blogs talk about themselves all the time. But many blogs are like little bullets of someone’s life experience. And they are sometimes intended to entertain, rather than to reveal. A powerful memoir has a message, one that is conveyed in every experience that is told.
Nothing I know about memoirs is from books. It’s from sitting down with my two co-authors and slogging our way through our own lives. It was all trial and error. A lot of it didn’t work at first draft. But, as time went by, we kept getting better at it. More focused. More authentic. Less self-protective. It’s our honesty that has resonated with readers, not our superb literary skills (a casual flipping through of the book will be evidence of that). So, for us, the journey went deep into ourselves. And in so doing, we were able to reach a lot of women (and men.) We were lucky. Writing our memoirs gave us something to pass down to children and grandchildren. It healed us. And it brought our stories to others.
Part 2 will be the mechanics of how to start writing and what might work for you.
Kathryn McCullough
February 21, 2011
Thank you for this post, Renee! I have made several starts at a memoir–struggle still with how to get started. I definitely have an unusual and inspiring story to tell and had hoped my blog would help me ease into it.
Can’t wait for part 2!
Hugs from Haiti,
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
February 21, 2011
You were the one who inspired me to do this. My co-authors and I have a workshop “Writing Your Life” that women love. But, because bloggers are writers, I never would have thought of writing about this. So thanks!
sunshineinlondon
February 21, 2011
What an inspiring post, Renee. I found myself nodding along to everything you wrote … I can’t wait for the next part of this.
Sunshine xx
lifeintheboomerlane
February 21, 2011
Thanks, Sunshine. As I told Kathy, I never would have thought of writing a piece like that to writers. But Kathy inspired me.
2blu2btru
February 21, 2011
I’m actually working on a memoir (even though I’m very young, it’s about a specific time period in my life and a specific topic). It’s tough going. I took a memoir writing class, self-portrait, in high school. My first story was edited by another teacher for me and it was ripped to shred. “You’re holding back. You’re not being honest,” she said. After a lot of rewrites, and a lot of tears, it was much better, but emotionally draining. It’s hard to own up to mistakes and admit painful elements of the past. At that time, I was only eighteen! It boggles my mind how much harder it is now, how much more there is to fret over whether or not to share. But, as you wrote, I need to write it. I need to write it for all the reasons you mentioned (even though I don’t currently have any “posterity” as of yet, I plan to one day :-)). Very encouraging post!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 21, 2011
Thanks. I love that you are starting this at your age. Our lives are always changing, and our voices are always changing. We don’t have to be older to express ourselves about our lives. And yes, honesty is the #1 factor that determines whether a memoir will have impact, whether it’s for us alone or a legacy or bringing our story to the world. Honesty is difficult because we spend most of our lives creating defenses in order to survive and because some of us carry guilt around for choices we have made that we believe others will judge. What your teacher said to you is exactly what my co-authors and I said to each other. And there were a lot of tears and a lot of rewrites with us as well.
TheIdiotSpeaketh
February 21, 2011
Great post! I have had people telling me to write a book for years and the first thought that ALWAYS pops into my head is “I do not know how to write!”……. I might be able to blog….but I cannot WRITE….. Have a great day! 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
February 21, 2011
Thanks. If one person gets inspired to start writing, I will be overjoyed. And, of course you know you can write.
Tori Nelson
February 21, 2011
Love this! It is SO much harder to honestly recount an uncomfortable experience in your personal life than it is to make a fictional character suffer through some turmoil. That being said, the result is so much more cathartic because you have not only written but managed to sort out the details of your life’s confusion in the process 🙂
Great Post!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 21, 2011
Yes, that sums it up beautifully (which is one of your great gifts as a writer, you know). If I didn’t have two women who I trusted pushing me into complete honesty, it wouldn’t have happened. And they feel the same as well.
Debbie
February 21, 2011
Thanks for this post, Renee. While memoir isn’t my genre of choice, I suspect your words have encouraged more than a few people to try their hand at it. Looking forward to Part 2!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 21, 2011
Thanks, Debbie!
duke1959
February 21, 2011
The thing is people are so afraid of what others might think or say.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 21, 2011
And that’s exactly what stops people. It’s unfortunate, because what usually happens when they do reveal is that other people respond and can relate. The secrets we keep because we are ashamed are very damaging to us.
carldagostino
February 21, 2011
you do not have a subscribe to your post check box. I don’t know how to include but Rick did in in 5 seconds on my blog. I doubt this helps your subsription to mine. Perhaps you spammed me in error?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 21, 2011
Strange. When I go onto your site, there is a check mark to say I’m subscribed. I’m going to unsubscribe, then subscribe again.
writerwoman61
February 21, 2011
Interesting post, Renée. My great-grandmother, grandmother, and both my parents have written their stories…it is so valuable to me and other family members that they took the time to do this (my mother was spurred to write the story of she and her three sisters’ growing up years by her youngest sister’s life-threatening illness…Mom was writing it for her, as she was considerably younger than her other siblings).
Looking forward to Part 2!
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
February 21, 2011
Wow, what a great legacy they have left to the family. So will you be writing yours?
writerwoman61
February 21, 2011
I don’t know, Renée…I write a lot of personal stuff in my blog, but I have purposely steered away from some aspects of it…
lifeintheboomerlane
February 21, 2011
When we wrote our book, we did declare off limits anything that would hurt someone, mainly our children. And some things were unsaid, simply because they wouldn’t have added anything to the central message of the book. Joyce wrote about 16 years of sexual abuse at the hands of her father. She gave no details. She simply stated it and wrote about how that impacted on her. It was an incredibly brave thing for her to do, and she was terrified about how her five siblings would react, since no one had ever talked openly about it. It turns out it was the best thing she ever did, for herself, for her siblings, and for all the women who have read and heard her story and have since contacted her. Her story gave them “permission” to deal with their own abuse.
Amanda Hoving
February 21, 2011
Like Debbie, memoir is not something I’m normally drawn to –whether to read or write. Regarding writing, I may have a story that’s my own, but honestly, it’s not an interesting one. 😉
In reading it, I find that much of memoir (and I’m talking books, not blogs) is very…hmmm..selfish? Narcissistic? Not sure if those are the exact words I’m looking for, but you get my meaning. Still, the good, the great, the mesmerizing memoirs are true treasures to their readers.
I’ll be interested to read your Part II.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 21, 2011
Virtually all of the women we have worked with in the workshops are interested in the memoir as a legacy to family. A few want personal healing. I agree about most of the memoirs out there, and I think it’s because there’s no message. It’s all about “This is what I did” or “This is who I am” without regard to conveying something of value to the reader. One of the most rivetting books I’ve ever read is “What Is the What.” It is like looking into someone’s soul.
itsahappyblog
February 22, 2011
I feel like I know the lesson or message that should come from my story, but I am struggling to get it down ‘on paper’. Hopefully being more consistent with my blog and reading helps like yours along the way will help. I’m also thinking about finding a class. Looking forward to part two along with everyone else;)
lifeintheboomerlane
February 22, 2011
Yes, yes, yes. Do whatever it takes to get you going. You will be amazed.
Paul Hertneky
February 25, 2011
Good post. I’d love to see some links to blogs-as-memoirs.
I’ve written a memoir of both person and place — the character and history of a remarkable place and of a boy who grew up there.
While I try to find a publisher, I’ll show you mine; you show me yours.
http://www.paulhertneky.wordpress.com
lifeintheboomerlane
February 25, 2011
Thanks for visiting my blog, Paul. I wrote my books way before I started my blog. Much luck with the publisher thing. We got really tired of it and went the print-on-demand route. We’ve sold thousands of books, but it’s been hard work.