Sex and the Sixty (Year Old) pt3

Posted on May 24, 2010

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After Life in the Boomer Lane’s friend Susan  is contacted by men on various computer dating sites, and, after she continues to communicate with them via personal email and phone calls, she is able to eliminate most of them as not a good match for her. “Not a good match” may mean various things:

One of the categories of  “not-a-good-match” men include those who send her photos of their genitals.  Susan assures LBL that this has happened on more than one occasion.  LBL didn’t ask her if they were Glamour Shots or just candid.  A second category that LBL has mentioned before are those who have yet to master the art of “spell check” on the computer. Here’s the most recent example, caps included:

YEP   YOU  ARE  A LIVE  WITH  THE  CHEESE  AND  CRACKERS   YOU  NEE   WINE    AND  I   WORK  FOR A  IMPORTER   OF  FINE  FRENCH   ARGENTINA  AND  SPANISH  WINE   I  BE  A  GREAT  PERSON TO  GET  TO   KNOW

Another category includes men who have small children/pets/ex-wives (note: The children are small, but the pets and ex-wives can be any size) who take up most of their time.  One man told Susan he had to go to his ex-wife’s house on a regular basis to mow the lawn. Unless he was destitute and worked out handyman/lawn services with the judge as a substitute for financial support, LBL is thinking maybe he wasn’t quite ready to move on.  Another had to end all dates by 8PM so he could go home and take care of his dog.  About the only women he could develop a relationship with would be the ones who worked the night shift.

A fourth category includes men who have other considerations that should preclude them from entering the dating world (or any other world, for that matter). One man told Susan he had no teeth and said that his son told him it might be a good idea to wait until he had his dentures before venturing out into the dating scene.  Another man told Susan he was separated, and, when she asked him further, he revealed that “separated” meant that he was living in DC during the week and going home on weekends but had neglected to tell his wife that he considered himself “separated during his week in DC”) and then he couldn’t understand why Susan didn’t want to date someone who could have him all to herself all week long.

If a man isn’t eliminated by any of the above circumstances, Susan usually agrees to meet him for coffee.  She used to meet men for dinner, but LBL got really tired of hearing about four hour meetings, since the length of time usually had nothing to do with the quality of the date or the intention of either Susan or the man in question to ever get together again.  The length of the meeting had more to do with Susan’s uncanny ability to have an hours- long conversation with anybody, including, in a pinch, inanimate objects.

Because of this, LBL set ground rules for her: one hour at Starbucks or another place that serves coffee.  Not a minute longer.  Susan agreed, but she still came up with really creative ways to foil LBL’s best efforts.  In the next post, we will explore some of these.

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