A Week of Penises

Posted on August 30, 2016


Jessica Jin is seen at a protest against a state law that allows for guns in classrooms at college campuses, in Austin, Texas

The current news about Anthony Weiner presents a unique problem to Life in the Boomer Lane. Having used all of her best humor in her previous two posts about him, she isn’t sure where to run with this latest inability Weiner has, to keep his penis in his pants. Weiner brings new meaning to the phrase, “Zip it shut.”

Weiner, destined for a life of mockery because of his last name, has, in this latest episode of poor choices, crossed the line in two ways. The first is that his wife, Huma Abedin, is the vice chairwoman of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 run for the presidency. Abedin has never in her long, distinguished career of service to Hillary, been engaged in an election as important as this one.

The second poor choice was that, among all of the sexually explicit photos he sent, was one of his underwear-clad crotch, as his four-year-old son Jordan was shown sleeping next to him in bed.

It’s tough to say what drives this man.  Or rather, it’s tough to say that, with so much at stake in his life, he allows his dick to do the driving for him. He’s lost his political career.  He’s lost his marriage. He’s lost his reputation. The only gain he’s had is to be a wealth of material for late night TV hosts and undeservedly unknown bloggers.

The Weiner episode does allow LBL a temporary respite from the daily terror of anticipating the latest news headlines. And the thought of why Weiner would continue to knowingly ruin his life is as great a mystery to her as to why she ate so much Rocky Road Haagen Dazs last night. Of course, she knows the answer to both: addiction. She is grateful that hers extends only to ice cream, chocolate and nachos. She feels pretty sure that these will not ruin her marriage or her career. Although, she also suspects that if Now Husband knew that she occasionally eats ice cream in the car (directly from the little carton, with no spoon), he might give second thought to his marital commitment.

Dovetailing with the news about Weiner was a piece about students at the University of Texas, using dildos to protest guns on campus. Their “Cocks Not Glocks” protest against Texas’s “campus carry” law was held on the first day of classes. The new law permits licensed gun owners aged 21 and older to carry concealed handguns in most places on public university campuses, including dorms and classrooms.

According to The Guardian, “Demonstrators gathered to brandish sex toys in the air or strap them to their backpacks. Or other places. ‘We have crazy laws here but this is by far the craziest, that you can’t bring a dildo on to campus legally but you can bring your gun. We’re just trying to fight absurdity with absurdity,’ said Rosie Zander, a 20-year-old history student.”

Throughout history, as we well know, the sight of a penis (or a huge buldge in one’s Haines) has meant many things to many people.  Weiner and the U of Texas students have each made choices about how to use the penis to best advantage.  In this case, LBL would like Weiner to keep his permanently hidden, while she encourages the U of Texas students to keep flaunting theirs.