The Meaning of Dreams

Posted on September 1, 2016

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dream

Life in the Boomer Lane has always taken an interest in dreams, specifically the following: What do my dreams mean?  What does it mean when I know I am dreaming in the dream? Why do I remember some dreams and others not? Why can’t I have great sex in dreams? (Readers note: LBL has never actually had any sex in dreams. She didn’t mean to imply that she only had mediocre sex).

Scientists keep trying to come up with answers to explain dreams. About the only thing they can agree on is that, in most cases, one must either be asleep or in a semi-somnambulent state listening to one’s spouse drone on and on, in order to dream.

As a service to readers, LBL will now answer some of the top questions about dream: 

Why do I dream?

The answer here is that, in the absence of dreaming, sleep is extremely boring.  You are in danger of waking up suddenly, with the goal of doing something interesting, and the only thing there is to do in the middle of the night is to either eat leftover salmon or read your old Facebook posts and count the Likes.

Why do I dream about falling?  

Dreams about falling mean you are a normal human being, at least when you are sleeping. LBL cannot attest to your normalcy during your waking hours. Falling in a dream is quite common. Actually hitting the ground is not.

Why do I dream about being naked?

Dreaming that you are naked means that you are having feelings of vulnerability or insecurity. But, if you are naked with George Clooney and he is naked too, and he really likes you a lot and thinks you are hot and Amal doesn’t mind, you are perfectly OK. In fact, you are more than OK and you should try really hard to not wake up too soon.

Why do I always dream that I am back at work, when I actually retired almost twenty years ago?

The answer to this is that you are Now Husband, and you have actually put in more hours at dream work than you were at actual work. Call Social Security and report this. You may be eligible for more benefits.

Why do I dream about flying?

Flying in a dream means anything except actual flying. It means you are feeling buoyant, happy, carefree, boundless, powerful, or without restraint in your life. Or, it can mean that your awake life really sucks and you only feel free in your dreams and you should come up with some kind of hobby or something.

Why do some people remember their dreams and others not?  

Scientists have discovered that people who remember their dreams also respond more strongly than others to hearing their name said during the day.  This would indicate that celebs and politicians would have no trouble remembering their dreams, but people named John or Mary would be screwed, because they have probably long ago stopped reacting when they hear their name being said because it’s really boring.

What happens if I die in my dream?

Contrary to popular belief, this does not mean you are dead.  But you should still try really hard not to dream about dying because it is still a downer.

What are nightmares?

Nightmares are scary dreams in which one is being chased, attacked, or has to spend countless hours forced to watch old presidential debates.

What does being late in a dream mean?

Being late in a dream means that you have overslept and the alarm is ringing and not waking you up and you are going to miss some really important appointment and your life is ruined.

What does it mean when I know I am dreaming during the dream?

Scientists call this “lucid dreaming” and attribute such type of dreaming to people who have superior problem solving skills. And, when having lucid dreams, they are able to take advantage of actions that they know in real life would be too dangerous (jumping off a building, walking through fire, etc) but in dreams would be swell because they wouldn’t be hurt.

What does it mean if I have lucid dreams but take no risks and, instead, spend the entire dream trying to unsuccessfully convince the people around me that they are just figments of my dream?

This means your name is Life in the Boomer Lane and you are a complete weenie in real life and this is why you don’t ride a bike or go on a roller coaster, and when you went down the water slide at Yogi Bear World, you came out upside down and everyone laughed.

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Posted in: humor, research, satire