You know the 450 Friends you have on Facebook? The ones who comment on all the photos of the babies and puppies you post? The ones who are wearing out their thumbs liking every thought you share from your daily inspirational calendar? The ones who never seem to forget your birthday? They are a myth.
According to the latest research on friendship, our true friendships are as fleeting as those encountered by your average despot, when the military comes knocking at his door. The finding will have you reassess every time someone says, “I’m here for you,” then jets off to Cancun.
According to getlifeboat.com, 75% of Americans are not truly satisfied with their friendships. Sixteen percent are not confident in their friendships. Four percent have best friends who have turned them in to the police on at least one occasion.
While Gen Xers are the bottom of the barrel in friendship satisfaction (just under 20%), boomers run close behind (just over 20%). Sixty-eight percent of respondents would like deeper friendships, as opposed to 32% who would simply like to increase the number of friends they have.
Both menWhat is surprising is the and women share the same requirements for friends. What is surprising is the hierarchy. While 80% of people require loyalty and decency in a friend, only 73% require that their friends like them and 68% would like their friends to be fun to be with. This writer seriously worries about all those folks out there who prefer to have boring friends who don’t want to be with them.
And finally, let’s return to Facebook, where there exists a belief that deep and meaningful friendships can be based on posting daily photos of what one had for breakfast that morning. According to the Atlantic Monthly, there is a fear that “Facebook is interfering with our real friendships, distancing us from each other, making us lonelier; and that social networking might be spreading the very isolation it seemed designed to conquer.” In other words, by using Facebook, people will doom themselves to a life of ennui and pasty skin, by being forced to live in a sunless, rat-infested garret, overlooking the blinking neon lights of a seedy bar. (Reader note: This writer is inordinately pleased with herself to have used the word “garret” for the first time in blogging.)
If you have a fear of rats and/or neon, you are in luck. This study finds no clear relationship between number of Facebook friends or Facebook usage and friendship satisfaction regarding number of close friends. You may return to Facebook with abandon, taking comfort in not knowing who the hell most of your Friends are who seem to have a deep interest in all aspects of your virtual life.
If you aren’t on Facebook, you have another problem entirely. You are forced to interact with actual human beings, who on occasion may have poor hygiene and/or recommend movies to you that really suck. This writer can’t help you with either issue. She has her own friend issues to worry about, notably a remark made by Now Husband that her friends are merely being polite and not actually enthusiastic when she entertains them with her endless stories. Now she must reassess the value of her friendships. Or of Now Husband.
notquiteold
July 9, 2013
I have Facebook friends who love everything I do.That’s real loyalty. Not even I love everything I do.
P.S. – I do not need pictures of other peoples’ food. However, pictures of MY food are surely a hit with everyone else.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
Funny. I think I feel pretty much like you do.
divorce1943
July 9, 2013
You couldn’t be more on with your blog. As one who right now is losing one of her two closest friends (I.E. someone who shared everything in my life has supported me all the time) I now am at a loss at who can replace her. Sure, I have lots and lots of acquaintances from the various groups I am involved with and also those so called “facebook” friends. I can only say, that as one ages the value of a true friends diminishes as people die off and the real issue becomes – how do I replace them.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
It’s a fact of life that we lost friends, either through distance or death. But I do find that when I am with my dear friends who I haven’t seen in awhile, it feels like no time has passed.
Laurie Mirkin
July 9, 2013
This is all too true. I know you have superb, affable friends who would come to your rescue in a minute, (count me in as one of those) but unfortunately, one cannot go through life with rose colored glasses and ignore all the shoddy and even evil people we meet every day. Wolves in sheep’s clothing. It’s little hot our there for fleece but I am sad to say there are very few people I trust, and fewer I would want for my friend. You’re probably braver than I am, but I’m thankful that I’m not expecting you to stick a knife in my back or betray me anytime soon. But just in case you do stick a knife in my back, make it have butter and a bagel on it. xoxo
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
Poppy, garlic, onion, or plain?
Jill Foer Hirsch
July 9, 2013
Love this. I gave you a full 10 points for your use of “garret” but unfortunately I had to deduct 2 points for you boasting about it. You now have 8 points on the friends I’ve never met scale. This is very promising indeed. 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
I am honored to have achieved an 8. Does my humbleness get me the two points back?
muddledmom
July 9, 2013
I think the word “friend” was a poor choice for Facebook friends. Contacts? I think that’s more like it. Faces?
Great post.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
Thanks. I like “Faces”
Is Everyone an Idiot but Me?
July 10, 2013
I like ‘faces’ too. Faces I’d Recognize (maybe) is more accurate than friends!
Sylvia Morice
July 9, 2013
I would go with ‘keep Now Husband and re-evaluate current friendships’….if your ‘real’ friends can’t at least do a good-enough job at pretending to be enthralled with your stories–if their performances are so weak that even Now-Husband picked up a clue or two–then these pseudo-friends surely can be replaced with a good-quality laugh-track! Because I know for fairly certain that your stories must be not only hilarious but engaging enough to keep true friends on the edges of their seats….
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
I know my friends like my stories because they tell me so. It’s Now Husband who doesn’t like them. But he is so wonderful in so many other ways that I have to let this one slide. Damn him.
yahoothom
July 9, 2013
Believe it or not I just had a 3 hour conversation about friendship today with my best friend. I have about 6 really great friends, and a lot of time goes into those friendships, but I couldn’t be happier. (Does anyone really have time for 450 friends? I think not!) I am not on Facebook, My Space (is that still around?) or LinkedIn. If I wanted people from my past to find me, I never would have hid from them!!! LOL A happy Boomer!
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
I love my friends. Madly and deeply.
Elyse
July 9, 2013
Good thing that Blogging Buddies are practically perfect in every way, no?
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
Perfect comment, Elyse.
mimijk
July 10, 2013
Perhaps these people could be called “People You May/May Not Know” – the presumption of friendship is folly (as you perfectly note). Maybe FB should change it’s name “Coup de Foudre” – a crazy act of silliness that somehow is connected to love – but of course it isn’t love at all. Temporary silliness. And at some point one reaches an age where you realize that friendship is something one can’t define by perpetual postings, unless loneliness becomes it’s synonym. Just sayin’….Great post as always.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
I adore your remarks. I have nothing to add.
Is Everyone an Idiot but Me?
July 10, 2013
I agree here as well. Facebook is more about People I Met At Least Once and Talked to Enough to Feel Justified in Friending Them. When people have 400…900..1500 Facebook friends, how could they possibly all be close relationships. There is not enough time in the day to get that close to that many people!
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
I have Friends I’ve never met. I take full responsibility. Hey, I adore your blog name. The answer for me is Yes. Except then I bring yourself back to reality.
Is Everyone an Idiot but Me?
July 10, 2013
Haha thanks. I figure it’s something everyone thinks, but we can’t all be right, so maybe we are all idiots at some point or another right!
Snoring Dog Studio
July 10, 2013
I friended someone today on FB – a person I barely know. Even FB asked a followup – How do you know D? (Like it’s any of their business.) He sent me the friend request. Oh, dear. I know that, in time, I will disappoint him immensely. He’ll realize that I have nothing to offer. That’s what FB is for me: endless disappointment, disillusionment, and hundreds of pics of Boston Terriers.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
That sort of defines life. Except for the Boston Terriers.
BABYBOOMER johanna van zanten
July 10, 2013
Thanks, that was funny. I like your style. A confession: my FB friends are no friends of mine but I use them to keep a profile in case my next book needs readers and word of mouth advertising. I never divulge anything personal there.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2013
Thanks, Johanna. I tried to promote my blog on FB, but it went nowhere. No I feel foolish to announce that I’m on HuffPost etc. Am I being stupid? Should I just do it? Should I have two different pages? How? And what is the meaning of life?
Krista Jessacher
July 11, 2013
Hi Life in the Boomer Lane, Love your article here about friendship. It is so important to keep friendships vibrant and relevant.
My son is growing up in a world far different from the world you and I grew up in.
Here is a great website that helps bridge the gap of friendship and online interactions and you may find it of interest – it is a great website!: http://www.thedoorthatsnotlocked.ca/app/en/everyone_else/10-12/healthy_friendships
Hope you have a great week! Krista Grace
Krista Grace Jessacher Email: publicspeakingcenter@gmail.com Ph: 250-861-3989
benzeknees
July 18, 2013
How in the world can we evaluate the friendships we have?
hostessforhospitality
December 28, 2013
Reblogged this on hostessforhospitality and commented:
I was just floating through this site and came upon this post, which I am placing in my section in order to make sure that I can find it again later. Aha! This blogger has caught my issue. Big time! I am more of an in-person kind of person. I don’t feel like someone online is my friend until after I have met this person in person. Maybe I am just funny that way. Yet I have noticed that so many people claim those whom they have met in person are their friends when these “friends” are, in fact, just clients. I long for a sense of community in a world where everything is aimed at making a buck. Maybe I expect too much because someone who truly was a good friend once told me that we are all monkeys grabbing grapes.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 28, 2013
Thanks for the reblog, and special thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane. I think that many people use Facebook(and other forms of social media) to present their lives as they wish them to be, filled with friends and a perfect life. Others use it to vent and to say things about others that they would never say to their faces. Either way, it gives a warped sense of reality.