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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All posts tagged under »sarcasm«
That’s Not My Rabid Fox, Officer
After my cricket post I decided to take a break from writing about any non-humanoids for awhile. Then my phone rang. It was a former client: “I have rats. What should I do?” I thought about this for awhile, but rat stew didn’t seem to be the most helpful answer. “Call an exterminator.” I paused. […]
That's Not My Rabid Fox, Officer
November 11, 2010
After my cricket post I decided to take a break from writing about any non-humanoids for awhile. Then my phone rang. It was a former client: “I have rats. What should I do?” I thought about this for awhile, but rat stew didn’t seem to be the most helpful answer. “Call an exterminator.” I paused. […]
7 Reasons to Date Women Over 50
November 9, 2010
Single women over 50 who want to date have discovered the terrible truth: A lot of men over 50 don’t want to date them. So, to all you guys over 50: Put down the Viagra and spend a moment considering the seven reasons you should date women over 50. 1. Our biological clocks are […]
This Cricket was No Jiminy
November 8, 2010
Life in the Boomer Lane is not afraid of insects. Unless they want to crawl into her nose or ears. And they always do. Last night was a typical example. Visualize this: LBL is reading in bed. Now Husband is sleeping. It’s peaceful, serene. LBL is loving her book (To the End of the Land, David Grossman). […]
My Life in Checkout Lines
November 6, 2010
I can tell it’s the beginning of the holiday season. It’s not because I have seemingly overnight developed an irrational need to gain five lbs and set off my IBS. It’s not because of the relentless Christmas decorations that magically appear in stores while the kids are still out trick or treating. It’s because of […]
My grandfather smoked for 75 years. My grandchildren are doomed.
November 4, 2010
Thanks to this week’s issue of Newsweek, I now know that “epigenetic changes in sperm are carried forward transgenerationally.” Don’t even bother to check your online dictionary. I’ll translate (I’m a full-service blogger): If your great-grandparents or parents or you or your partner participated in a potentially damaging lifestyle (Oh, let’s say like consuming the […]
Secret Handbook for Politicians Discovered
November 3, 2010
A secret “Politician’s Handbook” has been discovered in a cave not far from where the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered. If you don’t believe Life in the Boomer Lane, look it up. Here is an excerpt from p.359: 1. If something good happens and your party is in power, take full credit and appear on […]
Rallying to Restore Marital Sanity
November 2, 2010
Life in the Boomer Lane and Now Husband’s friend Judy was coming with them to attend the Rally to Restore Sanity. She was driving from New Jersey to their house on Friday evening. The phone rang. LBL picked it up at that exact same second that NH came rushing into the room, yelling “There is something wrong with […]
Who Was That Creepy Guy Giving Out Candy?
November 1, 2010
My Now Husband is sort of new to this Halloween thing, as well as to the Kid Thing in general. Last year, NH wore a scary mask that brought all the little kids to tears. This year, NH went to the door as himself (Only one child cried) and tried really hard to say bright, pleasant things to […]
Aunt Gert and the Family Murder
October 26, 2010
If you want the same effect as illegal drugs without going into unfamiliar neighborhoods to find vendors, spending all that money, or doing anything that will land you in prison, Life in the Boomer Lane’s Aunt Gert is the go-to person. Her world has always been constructed almost entirely of fantasy and Nutella. You are guaranteed […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
November 11, 2010
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