16,000

Posted on February 21, 2019

25



According to WordPress, Life in the Boomer Lane now has reached the 16,000 mark. Sixteen thousand followers. Or, to be exact, 16,047. But who is counting, right?  To put this into perspective, we shall look at the number 16000 and review its signifigance in history and in the world in general.

The New York Times reports as of last month that giving up one’s cell phone for a year would give one time to have sex 16,000 times.  You can either sit there in front of your laptop and think about that for awhile, or continue reading.

Last year’s winner of the Oreo Challange consumed over 16,000 calories during the contest.

Sixteen thousand is the exact number of times that Trump has used the words: loser, disgraced, terrific, tremendous, stupid, moron, winning, bad, deal, wonderful, amazing, classy, many (used once or up the three times in sucession), huge, sad.

Phrases used 16000 times have been: millions and millions, billions and billions, the greatest, total disaster, believe me, I can’t find the remote, We’ll see what happens, and I need more hair gel.

Because 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, the address of the White House, has been used as the residence for so many loser, disgraced, stupid, moron former presidents, Trump has now inflated the address to 16000 Pennsylvania Ave, for the duration of his own residency, which he anticipates will take him through the year 16000.

Sixteen thousand is the number of times Mike Pence has avoided eye contact with a female and is only slightly more than the times he has said, “More lubricant, please Sir” since 2016.

Sixteen thousand is the approximate number of times LBL has misplaced her cell phone, been patted down at airport security, and has been unable to remember a password. It is the number of pints of coffee Haagen Dazs she has consumed over her life and the number of lbs she has lost during all of her diets since 1962.  It is also the number of times she has yelled “Dan!” so that Now Hsband can come in and help her out of whatever current crisis she is having with her laptop or printer.

Lest Loyal Readers now believe the number 16000 to be significant, let LBL assure you that appearances can be deceiving. Very, very deceiving.

Of her 16,047 followers, LBL is certain that 15,500 have signed up for posts sometime in the last ten years, but, along the way, have changed either email addresses or earthly forms. The posts are now going into the same place as assorted documents, items of clothing, keys, a 2017 photo album, her current mammogram script, and other assorted bits of really important stuff in LBL’s life. She suspects they are all part of some version of a Witness Protection Program that allows them to disappear and reappear elsewhere under  new names. Another 500 followers are simply too lazy to stop receving the emails, and so merely delete them, along wih daily missives from Moveon.org and recently, Elizabeth Warren.

Of the  remaining 47 people,  about 40 will read the occassional post, when floundering about for anything else to do and not finding it, and may even, on rare occasions, comment. This leaves about seven people who actually, for some inexplicable reason, loyally read each and every post.  Of those seven, about five will often comment.

LBL salutes you.  To you, she says: You are amazing, classy,  wonderful, terrific winners.  You are the greatest, many, many, many greatest.  My gratitude is a lot, like millions and millions or billions and billions.  Believe me.

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