Crib Shits

First, this week, www.livelaughloveliquor.com has bestowed on me the Stylish Blogger Award, for which I am very grateful.  LLLL is a very, very funny lady, whose material is the Universe of Satire.  And I wanted to pass along a blog I just started following: www.mylittlespacebook.wordpress.com.  I was hooked when I read her page “I Am.” And now, on to my post:

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Last December, I ordered a folding crib, mattress, crib sheets, and gate in anticipation of my grandson’s stay at my house over the holidays.  I subsequently found a much cheaper way to proved a sleeping area for him (No, I didn’t put him in a Native American cradleboard and lean him against the wall), so I refused delivery of these items. Long story short:  I got refunded for everything except $92.23.  I dreaded calling Target because I hate things like this: the l-o-n-g menu (“Our menu options have changed”) followed by the interminable wait on the phone while I am told how important my call is, the list of predictable questions, the pauses all through this while the computer is checked.  So I finally gritted my teeth and did it this afternoon.  The customer service person I spoke to was really helpful and spoke absolutely perfect English, except the conversation went this way, after I had provided her with all the information: 

OK, I found your order: crib, crib mattress, crib shits, baby gate.

(I wasn’t sure I heard correctly) Uh, yes.

I see we’ve refunded the money for the crib, crib mattress, and crib shits. 

(There it was again.) Right.

And you did return the baby gate.  So with the delivery, we owe you $92.23.

Right (I held my breath.  I suspected I knew what was coming.)

Let’s review: Crib. Crib mattress. Crib shits. Baby gate.  Total: $284.12.  Already refunded: $191.89.  Still to be refunded: $92.23.

Yes, perfect.  So Target will credit me the $92.23?

Yes. You’ll get the last refund because you did return the crib, crib mattress, crib shits and baby gate.

(Now I was really wondering what was going on.  I started to imagine that the head of Customer Service was out for the day and I was on speakerphone and the entire Customer Service Department was sitting there doubled over laughing, waiting to see when I would finally catch on.)

OK, fabulous.  (I decided to give her one last chance).

OK, is there anything else you need? (Hurray, I was done.)

Nope.

OK. I hope we could be of service to you today. You’ll get a confirmation email about the return of the crib, crib mattress, crib shits— 

I hung up. I know they are still laughing.