The Heartbreak of Wealth

Posted on September 3, 2019


The US seems to be accumulating billionaires almost as quickly as it accumulates mass shootings. Most of us can agree that those of us who are being left out of this wild money grab are sometimes a bit perturbed. However, we must allow ourselves to take a step back and look long and hard at the unfortunate side effects of having ammassed such wealth. Understanding the drawbacks of great wealth will not only make more better (sic) and less bitter.

According to, rich people are afraid of lower class places and foods. The article doesn’t define what “lower class” means. LBL suspects it includes any restaurant/hotel/clothing store she frequents and any food she might be inclined to eat. It would certainly eliminate the Dollar Tree (where she finds any number of intriguing purchases, including the best pens on the planet) and the $5 Friday pizzs she has, on occasion, procured at her neighborhood Safeway. (a website LBL has never had the opportunity to consult before writing this post) says a real issue that rich people have is how to show their children that struggles are part of everyday life and everyone has to work hard to deserve their money. A number of those particular children were asked about this issue but were unclear about the meaning of the words “struggles,” “everyday,” and “work hard.” When the words and phrases were explained to them, they got real quiet and asked, “Did my parents put you up to this?”

Letsreachsuccess also notes that rich people say that they are made to feel that they don’t have a right to complain about anything. LBL personally thinks this is terrible. She wants all rich people to know that she believes they have a right to complain about anything they want to. But she has the right not to give a shit.

Many sources cite boredom as the greatest downside to wealth. When one can have any house, any car, any travel, any entertainment they wish, don’t they get tired of evrything? LBL totally understands this possibility. The same thing happens to her when she is considering the purchase of kitchen sponges and knows she can afford any brand on the market. They all sort of blur together.

Other sources say that wealthy people don’t ever know if they are being loved for themselves or for their money. A group of older men was asked if this was an issue for them. They haven’t stopped laughing long enough to catch their breath and answer.

To all really rich, potentially bored people, LBL has the following advice: Use your inherited money to continue your dad’s business and live an ostentatious, self-centered life. Run your business into the ground but declare bankruptcy and leave your creditors in the dust. Then use loans from Russian oligarchs to keep the business going and maintain your lifestyle. Avoid boredom by purchasing a beauty pagent and investing in professional wrestling. Star in a reality show. Give the appearance of great wealth, without holding any responsibility. When you are an old guy, run for the presidency and then, as president, run the country just like you ran your businesses, leaving other people to hold the bag.

On the other hand, that’s a ridiculous notion. It would never work.

Posted in: humor, money, satire