The Short Shelf Life of Immortality

Posted on February 1, 2015

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Vampire-coffin

One might think that the biggest drawback to being dead is that we can no longer experience being with those we love. While this belief has merit, it doesn’t have any money-making potential. But, if we believe that the biggest drawback is that those we love can no longer experience us, there is a buck to be made.

Enter eterni.me. Now, our children, grandchildren and all those who follow with access to a computer (a sketchy proposition at best, since the days of the PC are numbered), will be able to have Gramps around forever, hearing him reminisce, and going to him for advice. The folks at eterni.me put it best:

“What if your children or grand children would know more about you and your life? What if they would be more like you, think more like you?

“What if all the important events, adventures and thoughts in your life would be accessible to future generations, who never met the real you?

“And what if, more than that, they could really interact with your memories, as if they were talking to you in person?

“Eterni.me collects almost everything that you create during your lifetime, and processes this huge amount of information using complex Artificial Intelligence algorithms. Then it generates a virtual YOU, an avatar that emulates your personality and can interact with, and offer information and advice to your family and friends, even after you pass away.”

Because Life in the Boomer Lane believes in providing her readers with the most comprehensive analysis possible of all topics she presents on her blog, she will do so now.

LBL recently watched several episodes of a  TV series, that vaguely reminded her of the old TV show, Twilight Zone. This was an inferior version of Twilight Zone, with a technology theme. In one episode, a woman could not get over the death of her husband.  She paid to have a computer-generated likeness of him delivered to her door.  The likeness had billions of bits of data stored in it, so that this pseudo husband expressed the same thoughts, had the same likes and dislikes, and the same resistance to helping out around the house as the husband. But, alas, the Husband Unit could not leave home (cell range for these units being quite limited), express anger, or do crossword puzzles. Also, he was just a tad bit too creative in bed. After awhile the wife had to give up.  She stored him in the attic, along with all the other precious items that no longer had a place in her life, and instead, created a Match.com profile.

The point to all this is that the original Twilight Zone was a classic, and no show will ever be able to match it. Another point is that, unfortunately, death is in most cases final, with the exception of occasional Elvis sightings and home visits from Long Island Medium. No matter how many messages we may receive from departed loved ones, it’s not the same thing as actually having that person here with us.

But, for those who will not be deterred, LBL urges you to visit the eterni.me website and register for the program. It is not yet live (no pun intended), but names are being taken on a select basis (presumably, if you have the money, you will be selected.)

A word of caution:  At the rate things are changing, there is a good chance that whatever technology was used to create Gramps, will have fallen by the wayside in just a very short time. Gramps, like Beta, VCR, and desktop computers, will become interesting only to old folks when they have their “Remember When We Used to Use These Things?” discussions.  Nobody else really cares, because they are learning to use the next generation of whatever it is that the old guys will be soon be qvetching about.

For that reason, you might want to consider, instead, the mel-meter 8704, available on Amazon for $99.80, with free shipping.  But if Gramps isn’t worth even that, she wonders why you are trying to contact him at all. Why not just let the poor man rest in peace.

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