(The following is the fifth in my new series, “Old Posts to Dredge out on Slow Weekends Because When I Posted Them Originally People Cared More About the Economy and World Peace Than My Blog.” Although nothing has changed, it’s the start of a slow weekend.)
When I was little, I wanted Christmas. I didn’t care that Chanukah was eight days long, since I only got one present. People never talked about Chanukah. Everything out there in the world was Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. The stores were all filled with trees and lights, Santas were on every corner ringing bells, my elementary school had Christmas decorations and we sang Christmas songs. I can still sing two entire Christmas carols in Spanish, just in case anyone is interested. Christmas was the Big Kahuna, the Whole Ball of Wax.
My parents had tried, even before I started school, to nip my desire in the bud. When I was three, my mother told me there was no such thing as Santa Claus. I was undaunted. Each year I waited for Santa to discover me. One year, I took a knee sock and hung it from the light switch near the front door. The next morning, the sock was there, hanging limply like an, uh, empty sock. Even a piece of coal would have been better than nothing. For the next ten years, I lusted after Christmas in my heart, even as I sang “Oh Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel,” in my temple Sunday School.
I was finally rewarded when I became seriously involved with Ron, a strawberry blond Methodist who would become my first husband. Finally, I could lay claim to the wonders of the holiday. The first Christmas I spent at my future in-laws’ house, I helped decorate the tree, swooned over the carolers who strolled through the neighborhood, attended the special Christmas Eve midnight service at the church. That night, I didn’t sleep for even a minute. I lay in bed like a five-year old, in a state of giddy excitement. At dawn, I jumped out of bed and snuck downstairs. I thought I was the luckiest Jew in the world. I had both bases covered.
Christmas Day was beyond my wildest imagination. Boxes and boxes of presents. A big stocking just for me, filled with chocolate, which I consumed before breakfast was served. A day of food, presents, visitors, more presents, more food. This was what life was meant to be.
At the end of the day, Ron borrowed his mother’s car to drive me home. It was late Christmas Day evening. The roads were deserted. We took the East River Drive in Philadelphia, a beautiful road, similar to Rock Creek Parkway in DC. I sat in the passenger seat in a post-Christmas overstuffed swoon, completely at peace. We turned a curve, and I watched Ron turn the steering wheel. I noted that the wheel was especially easy to turn since it was no longer attached to the steering column. Ron noticed the same thing as I did, because his response was to look over at me and scream “Holy Shit!” While we skidded sideways across the Parkway, he never did let go of the wheel, apparently hoping that it might decide to miraculously reattach itself.
The car finally came to rest when it climbed a little bit up the embankment on the far side. We scrambled out of the car and off the road. I’m sure Ron took the steering wheel with him. Eventually, the Parkway Police found us, kicked the tires to get the car half way up the embankment and out of traffic, then gave us a ride back to Ron’s house. Had there been the usual traffic on the road then, I’d be writing this post from the Great Bloggers Beyond.
I did eventually get home that evening, although it was well past midnight, and I felt like my Christmas bubble had burst. In retrospect, I’m not sure if the experience was due to divine disappointment for my temporarily switching allegiance from the religion of my forefathers, or just a slight oversight by the mechanic when my future mother-in-law had her car inspected.
I’ve since learned to celebrate Chanukah in a way that leaves me with no feeling of deprivation. And, of course, Christmas is still magical. For this reason, I sent my baby grandson (who lives in London) eight Chanukah presents. Then I sent him a Santa outfit. But I sent the Chanukah gifts first. I don’t need to be taught any more lessons.
*****
In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve changed the theme/format of my blog. If you look to the right, a little way down, you’ll see a feature called “Renee’s Blogger Pick of the Week.” I want to acknowledge certain bloggers who have had a real impact on me. And I hope you will check them out. I’ll be adding other features as time, brain cells, and Now Husband Dan’s patience allows.
k8edid
December 2, 2011
I am loving your older posts, kiddo. I like the new theme and I’ll check out your blogger of the week.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
Thanks. Yes, I want everyone to see what a loving force Betty is in this world.
Kathryn McCullough
December 2, 2011
What a sweet post, Renee! I feel so sorry for that little girl who hung her sock up each year, only to find it empty on Christmas morning.
And I love this new feature–blogger of the week. What a great idea! Can’t wait to check out Betty’s blog!
Kathy
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
I have other ideas for the blog but no ability to do anything.
Kathryn McCullough
December 2, 2011
Okay, call me stupid, but I can’t figure out what to click to get to Betty’s blog. Am I missing something?
Kathy
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
If you had watched me while I changed themes, you would have been doubled over laughing. I have NO idea how to do links, outside the actual post. I also have NO idea how to put videos in my posts, or put anything at all up that isn’t directly related to the post. I can’t do highlights or colors or dancing unicorns with glitter all over their heads. I can’t create polls or contests. Hell, sometimes I can’t even get the link to my own post to appear when I comment on other people’s posts. I am living in a cave, scratching blog posts on a rock. So the answer is, go to http://www.whatgives365.wordpress.com. And if anyone out there takes pity on me and wants to explain anything, have at it.
Kathryn McCullough
December 3, 2011
Oh, Renee, I would help you, if I were any better at all of this than you. Feel free to call me later this weekend, but I don’t know that I’d be much better at this than you are. I do know how to insert video, but that’s about it.
Gonna go pass out now from getting the damn Christmas decorations down from the attic. Maybe I should celebrate Chanukah, instead.
(I did check out Betty’s blog. And I love it. Subscribed. Thanks for the intro.)
Kathy
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
You are a dear. I’m working at craft shows all weekend (trying to sell the cuff bracelets I make), but I will try to call you at some point. Thank you!
Carl D'Agostino
December 3, 2011
You have the best of both worlds
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
Agreed. My daughter accuses me of not being a good Jewish role model for her. I’m sort of a failure at that, but I do pride myself on being a good Person Role Model.
notquiteold
December 3, 2011
Sweet story. I love Christmas, but i see how hard it must be for kids who don’t celebrate. Your wistful tone feels so honest. I hope you have all the holidays you want!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
It was tough, indeed, although I know a lot of Jewish people who never felt they were missing anything. When I got older, I realized I could embrace any holiday that came along and experience the joy of it. Then Husband and I always celebrated both.
georgettesullins
December 3, 2011
What a heart stopping moment to be in that car. You’re definitely here for a reason if not to have influenced so many through your writing.
My teaching buddy of 30 years is Jewish. She won the holiday dress prizes every year!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
I love your teaching buddy! That event in the car happened so quickly, and it was so surreal, and I was so stuffed/sedated with holiday food that I didn’t get hysterical. It was only later that I realized how close we came to being a smear on the road.
omawarisan
December 3, 2011
I like that you’ve hedged your bets with your grandson. It just seems prudent…or a nice way to spoil!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
Thanks, Oma. Yes, I think they should have it all. I do pride myself that I give mostly very small gifts and one medium gift. I don’t get into the wretched excess of buying at this time of year. I know it’s great for the economy but it seems creepy.
chlost
December 3, 2011
Love this post. I am not particularly religious anymore, but I do love the magic of Christmas. My heart broke for the little girl whose knee sock was empty in the morning.
Isn’t it amazing how our reflexes kick in during emergency situations, and the brain doesn’t catch up to realize what is happening until sometime later?
I hope your grandson’s holiday(s) are wonderful!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
Thanks! I made sure with my own kids that the holidays were huge fun, both Chanukah and Christmas. And it’s such fun to see my grandson’s diving into both. And yes, it’s a good thing our brains do lag behind in emergency situations and our reflexes take over.
nrhatch
December 3, 2011
My high school was 50% Jewish. I thought they were lucky having 8 nights to celebrate.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the septic tank. 😀
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
For sure.
territerri
December 3, 2011
I always wondered how Jewish kids felt at Christmas time. You’ve confirmed my suspicion that I was very lucky to be born Catholic. It was worth putting up with 364 days of guilt, fish on Fridays, teacher-nuns whose only mission in life was to completely annihilate my sense of self-esteem, and ashes on my forehead so that one day a year I could have a pile of presents.
I’m glad you found a way to celebrate both holidays!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
Oh my. I hope you survived all that with your psyche intact. I used to hear horror stories about the things nuns did to kids in Catholic school, like smacking their hands with rulers. I was so grateful to be in public school.
K.L.Richardson
December 3, 2011
Funny but my first husband was Jewish and I totally embraced his experience, my second was Methodist but I still keep a menorah in my living room. I have come to the stage of my life where I embrace it all.
As always I love your posts….that pic is adorable with the little tush…snow is a nice touch too!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
Then Husband was Methodist, non-practicing. Now Husband’s mom was Muslim, his dad was militantly nothing due his (the dad’s) father being a Lutheran minister. So I guess I’m an equal opportunity employer. Like you, I embrace it all. People create religion and they create it any way they want to. So I can celebrate any way I want to. Re the snow: WordPress supplies the snow. It was a surprise to me. I assumed it was snowing on everyone’s blog.
pegoleg
December 3, 2011
I thought the white spots before my eyes were evidence of a brain tumor. But that’s just me.
Great funny, poignant post!
lifeintheboomerlane
December 6, 2011
Thanks, Peg! And congrats on not having a brain tumor.
ryoko861
December 3, 2011
I had neighbors that were Jewish and would have a tree and bring little Christmas presents to their neighborhood friends. I don’t know if they celebrated Chanuka or not. But Christmas back in the 60’s was more prevalent that it is now. Chanuka wasn’t really noticed.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
I think Christmas still gets virtually all the attention. Since this country is overwhelmingly Christian, I certainly understand that.
Miss Demure Restraint
December 3, 2011
Okay, I have so much to say. First, your link on you Gravatar doesn’t work and your blog isn’t in your Gravatar profile. I’m a stubborn old cuss’ and I tracked you down anyway. I thought the link used to work, but I could be wrong.
Next, I had a very dear friend I have know since high school. One year she admitted her deep, dark secret . . . she too yearned to experience Christmas. We included her that year and I don’t think there was ever any child as excited and happy as she was that day. Your story brought back that precious memory. Thank you.
Last . . . LMAO. I’m so glad you shared the part about the steering wheel. I feel much less stupid hearing someone besides me continued to try to control a vehicle with a detached steering wheel. It was one of the most fightful and embarassing moments of my life.
Great post, I’m glad I searched you out.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
I am relieved and ashamed at the same time (sort of like peeing in my pants). Thank you so much for caring enough to track me down. I am horrified that my gravatar isn’t working. What is a gravatar? What does it mean that my gravatar isn’t in my profile? Is that the photo? Technology and I are locked in the age-old battle of good vs inept. Please see the comment I made to Kathy several comments up. I changed my “theme” and all went to hell. Now Husband Dan will have to help. You are the first person beside me that I’ve heard of who had a detachable steering wheel. Yikes.
Miss Demure Restraint
December 7, 2011
The gravatar is your picture, yes. It has a profile and you can list your blogs in that profile. That way I can find you. 🙂 I thought the theme was different the last time I was here. Good to know I’m not losing it.
I have also had a wheel fall off while driving as well as the hood blow open and obscure any view of the road ahead. Then there was the time the muffler came loose. That time it took me a few minutes to figure out what the horrific noise was. I had one car catch on fire as I was driving on the highway in Los Angeles. Of course, there are the more common things like stuck gas pedals, failed brakes, auto transmissions that refuse to shift and the times the car just stops running for no apparent reason. I never really thought about it and supposed everyone had these kinds of problems with cars. Maybe the universe is telling me something.
lifeintheboomerlane
December 7, 2011
I don’t even like to hear about this stuff. Have you considered taking cabs? I also had the hood blow open and crash into the windshield. On a mountain road in the rain. Come to think of it, why does every car mishap take place on a mountain road in the rain? I don’t know what to do about the gravatar. Now no one will ever find me and I won’t win the Pulitzer.
Claire Takacs
December 3, 2011
Is Chanuka pronnounced hanukkah?
A couple of Christmases ago I had my grandchildren in the car driving around looking at the Christmas lights. In response to the Merry Christmas greetings being called out by people in the street, I got the kids to yell “Happy Hanukkah” .
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
I seriously love that. Chanukah and Hanuka (and other variations) are pronounced the same.
John
December 3, 2011
Sometimes an unattached steering wheel is just an unattached steering wheel.
Happy Chri…
Happy Chan…
Happy holidays!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
You mean and not a message from the universe that I am destined to lead the planet to peace and well being? Damn.
Main Street Musings Blog
December 3, 2011
I can totally relate–I wrote a piece called “My Jewish Santa” with very similar sentiment! I hope you’ll watch out for this month. 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
Will do. I can only write about this stuff because my parents are long gone and I am hoping they are in some kind of neverending religious service (in my family, everyday was a Jewish holiday, almost all of them sad) and have no time to read my blog posts.
life is a bowl of kibble
December 3, 2011
Oh my gosh I laughed so dang hard. I could just see your boyfriend white knuckling that steering wheel. I felt like I was right there in the car watching.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 3, 2011
I totally just remembered that a couple years later, we were heading up to Penn State in his o-l-d Austin Healey and it started making a horrendous noise and he stopped the car and screamed “Run!” and we ran like hell and the car exploded. I mean exploded. We got a ride with his friend who was following us and we were seeing pieces of car for miles along the road.
Marcia Clarke
December 4, 2011
That post was very timely; this time of the year brings out all kinds of memories and feelings in most of us. I was born in Panama, lived in Brooklyn for over twenty years and had the pleasure of enjoying everyone’s holiday traditions at one time of another. Our differences and embracing each other is what makes us who we are. If we were all the same, we would be bored to tears.
BTW check out Meetup.com and look for WordPress groups near you, I just discovered two near me, and hope to attend the next meeting; where they’ll be discussing all the stuff that we do not know.
Happy Chanukah and Merry Christmas to you, enjoy the season!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 4, 2011
Thanks, Marcia. Hey, thanks for the meetup tip! I am so inept. I’ll check this out.
Audubon Ron
December 4, 2011
Sorry to disappoint but there is nothing Christian about Christmas. In fact, real Christian churches will not decorate Christmas trees.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 4, 2011
You mean Target didn’t sponsor the Nativity?
Audubon Ron
December 4, 2011
Right, the real paper is out on my blog this morning entitled, In Which He Ruins Christmas for Everyone. The nativity did occur, just not December 25th. Most folks who try to figure it out the real date think it was in September. I know, it’s all messed up.
Walker
December 4, 2011
Nice new feature.. Loving the snow- the Chanukah snow, that is.
So glad you’re here and not in blogger heaven.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 4, 2011
I didn’t do anything to get snow. I thought WordPress made it snow on everyone’s blog.
monicastangledweb
December 5, 2011
Yes, that snow is courtesy of Santa WordPress. 😉
Claire Takacs
December 6, 2011
I am SOOO glad. I thought my middle aged eyes were playing up when I started seeing the odd white spot floating over the page
Deborah the Closet Monster
December 4, 2011
Then I sent him a Santa outfit. But I sent the Chanukah gifts first. I don’t need to be taught any more lessons.
*giggle*
Time to share this with a few of my girlfriends! 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
December 5, 2011
Thanks, Deborah!
Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson
December 4, 2011
“Christmas was the Big Kahuna, the Whole Ball of Wax.” *hahahahahaha* 😉
Renee! This is freakin’ fantastic! I WISH I had known that you were writing about this because I would have tried to get you to join in our #HanukkahHoopla. We are about to kick off a Twitter thing for Hanukkah starting on 12/20. You don’t tweet, do you?
If you do, contact me and I’ll send you the button!
lifeintheboomerlane
December 5, 2011
Hey, I’m verklempt at all this adoration. The only thing I ever do on Twitter is send all my posts to it. If you were to send me a button, what would I do with it?
Betty Londergan
December 5, 2011
Okay — I am sure you think I am a TOTAL ingrate for the massively sweet shout-out you gave my What Gives 365 blog on Friday… but I am in San Antonio with my FOUR sisters for a 60th birthday celebration (not mine, thank god!) … and needless to say, I haven’t even looked at my computer since arriving here — then voila!! Tonight I opened to your magical Hanukkah blog … and ME at the bottom! I am verklempt, too!! Because I’m married to a Jewish man, AND I’ve been on East River Drive sliding across the road more times than I care to remember, your beautiful post had special resonance for me. Thank you Renee — and trust me, this is a mutual admiration society in EVERY way!!! xoxooxx b
lifeintheboomerlane
December 5, 2011
Happy celebrating. I knew you’d see it eventually, and glad you could relate to the post (except for the car antics). Thanks for visiting debra’s website!
monicastangledweb
December 5, 2011
What a great story! And I love how you lace it with humor.
I grew up Christian but then converted to Judaism when I married. All year long, I was fine with my decision, but when Christmas came, well, that was difficult. I missed Christmas. Now that I’m divorced, I’m still Jewish, but I have found ways to celebrate Christmas that don’t involve a tree or going to church or anything like that, and this works quite well for me.
lifeintheboomerlane
December 5, 2011
Thanks, Monica. We all get to create whatever works for us, don’t we? I like to get the joy out of any holiday and to see what brings us all together, rather than what separates us. I’m not so good with the rest of it.
Absence of Alternatives
December 5, 2011
I love this! A friend of mine told me that her parents would tell her one of the presents was a “Xmas” present so that when strangers asked, “So what did YOU get for Christmas?” She could easily answer without having to lie or to explain, “Eh. We are Jewish.” The PC thing of course in this country now is to say Happy Holidays instead and to not assume that everybody celebrates Xmas. the funny thing is in Taiwan we still say Merry Christmas (in its Chinese translation of course) and send Christmas cards to each other even though most of the time none of us are Christian…
lifeintheboomerlane
December 5, 2011
I love both of these items, that your friend got an “Xmas” present and that people in Taiwan say Merry Christmas and send cards (Have you done a post about that?.) Would that everyone could share the best of their beliefs and we could all mix and match our way through life.
Paprika Furstenburg
December 6, 2011
Would it be inappropriate to say hallelujah to a Hanukkah post? When I was a little girl I wrote letters to network TV executives asking why there weren’t any cool Hanukkah speicals on TV. I’m sure you’ll be shocked to know they never answered me and 30+ years later there still aren’t any cool Hanukkah specials on TV. I guess Judah and the Macabees won’t generate enough viewers.
pegoleg
December 7, 2011
Instead of adding cool Hanukkah specials, the networks just removed any cool Christmas specials. Now we have lame made-for-tv-movies about a good witch finding love during “the holidays” (I’m not even kidding) – crap for everyone is more fair!
lifeintheboomerlane
December 7, 2011
I always had an issue with Jewish holidays in general. Most of them celebrate tragic events, and the ones that are supposed to be happy, leave something to be desired. Like celebrating with apples. Or prune turnovers. Or “Let’s be joyful that the oil lasted for eight days so we won’t eat bread or pizza or nachos or anything that isn’t Kosher for Passover.” I mean, can’t they think of something better than that? If there were Chanukah (I love that spelling is a whim with these things) specials, they would lose out to “The Amazing Road Race” or “Kim and Khloe and Kourtney and Kermit and Kvetchy Take New York.” I do think Peg is right. There probably aren’t any decent specials of any kind. But then that’s a good excuse for people to rush back to the mall.
Lunar Euphoria
December 19, 2011
You sure do know how to tell a story! I love the details about the steering wheel!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Hey, thanks. And btw, I can no longer comment on other people’s blogs. I wrote to WordPress but haven’t heard back. So people will think I don’t read them and they will stop reading me and my life will be over. Aside from that, have a great holiday.