Secret Handbook for Politicians Discovered

A secret “Politician’s Handbook” has been discovered in a cave not far from where the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered.  If you don’t believe Life in the Boomer Lane, look it up.  Here is an excerpt from p.359:

1. If something good happens and your party is in power, take full credit and appear on Rachel Ray.  Take home brownies.

2. If something good happens and your party is not in power, show proof (top secret CIA aerial surveillance maps are best, but if they can’t be obtained, just use Mapquest) that the foundation for the good result was laid when your party was in power and happened in spite of the current party in power trying really hard to screw everything up.

3. If something bad happens and your party is in power, show proof that the bad thing actually started when the other party was in power and it was so bad and wrong and Godzilla-like that your party, even though they tried everything on earth to stop it, including flying coach to the next convention of World Bikini Championships in Rio, couldn’t do it.

4. If something bad happens and the other party is in power, jump up and down as though you have just won the championship on “Dancing With the Stars.”  The worse the “something” is, the better.  Even if it means that space aliens can now legally descend upon Washington, DC and perform experiments in broad daylight on the entire population, you will be first in line so you can say “I told you so!” before they implant small devices in your body to make you want to copulate with wild animals.