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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All Posts filed under »satire«
Secret Handbook for Politicians Discovered
November 3, 2010
A secret “Politician’s Handbook” has been discovered in a cave not far from where the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered. If you don’t believe Life in the Boomer Lane, look it up. Here is an excerpt from p.359: 1. If something good happens and your party is in power, take full credit and appear on […]
Rallying to Restore Marital Sanity
November 2, 2010
Life in the Boomer Lane and Now Husband’s friend Judy was coming with them to attend the Rally to Restore Sanity. She was driving from New Jersey to their house on Friday evening. The phone rang. LBL picked it up at that exact same second that NH came rushing into the room, yelling “There is something wrong with […]
Who Was That Creepy Guy Giving Out Candy?
November 1, 2010
My Now Husband is sort of new to this Halloween thing, as well as to the Kid Thing in general. Last year, NH wore a scary mask that brought all the little kids to tears. This year, NH went to the door as himself (Only one child cried) and tried really hard to say bright, pleasant things to […]
Aunt Gert and the Family Murder
October 26, 2010
If you want the same effect as illegal drugs without going into unfamiliar neighborhoods to find vendors, spending all that money, or doing anything that will land you in prison, Life in the Boomer Lane’s Aunt Gert is the go-to person. Her world has always been constructed almost entirely of fantasy and Nutella. You are guaranteed […]
This Parking Meter Needs A User Manual
October 25, 2010
Two friends and I drove into Washington, DC (newly designated as the 2nd WORSE TRAFFIC CITY in the US) to do the “Walk to End Modern Day Slavery.” DC is the World Mecca for Walks/Runs/Demonstrations/Rallies/Political Motorcades/Tourism/General Mayhem on the Road. There were at least four events happening that day, including an Army 10 Miler. For […]
Six-Word Memoirs
October 21, 2010
The current issue of AARP Magazine has a short piece titled “Six-Word Memoirs.” Many people have submitted theirs online. My favorite was “Located my childhood sweetheart. Shouldn’t have.” So, here are some six word memoirs of my life: A mistake, telling Steve Jacobs “No.” Can I do eighth grade again? Three children. Two husbands. No […]
I’ve Become A Cliche
October 20, 2010
I was sitting at my computer yesterday morning, minding my own business and looking like I do every morning: skimpy tee shirt with no bra (I am, shall we say, well-endowed and I should actually be sleeping in a bra), ratty pajama bottoms, electrified-looking hair. My Now Husband Dan had left to fondle his boat. […]
I've Become A Cliche
October 20, 2010
I was sitting at my computer yesterday morning, minding my own business and looking like I do every morning: skimpy tee shirt with no bra (I am, shall we say, well-endowed and I should actually be sleeping in a bra), ratty pajama bottoms, electrified-looking hair. My Now Husband Dan had left to fondle his boat. […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
My grandfather smoked for 75 years. My grandchildren are doomed.
November 4, 2010
18
Thanks to this week’s issue of Newsweek, I now know that “epigenetic changes in sperm are carried forward transgenerationally.” Don’t even bother to check your online dictionary. I’ll translate (I’m a full-service blogger): If your great-grandparents or parents or you or your partner participated in a potentially damaging lifestyle (Oh, let’s say like consuming the […]