Two friends and I drove into Washington, DC (newly designated as the 2nd WORSE TRAFFIC CITY in the US) to do the “Walk to End Modern Day Slavery.” DC is the World Mecca for Walks/Runs/Demonstrations/Rallies/Political Motorcades/Tourism/General Mayhem on the Road. There were at least four events happening that day, including an Army 10 Miler. For this reason, bridges were shut down, roads were blocked, police were in force at all intersections, and food vendors were having a field day. Combine this with spectacular 70 degree October weekend weather, drawing tourists from as far away as one of the moons of Saturn. All of this equaled a race for parking spaces that rivaled the land-grab mayhem that occurred after the passage of the Homestead Act.
My friend Marj was driving. My friend Ellen was helping her scout out parking spots. I was doing what I usually do, which is to get completely distracted by extraneous issues.
Marj: Damn! That guy got my spot!
Ellen: Wait! I think there is one up ahead!
Me: Do you think I should have blown dry my hair before I left?
Thanks to Marj, we executed some really fancy maneuvers, most of which involved making U turns in the middle of the street, then driving into oncoming traffic until some hysterical motorist let her into the lane she wanted to be in.
Marj: Done!
Ellen: I think I’m having a heart attack.
Me: I’m seriously never leaving my house again without blow drying my hair.
Two blocks from the rally, we came upon a street lined with parking meters. All spots but one were available. I don’t know about you, but if I’m a mouse and I see a random piece of cheese in some prominent place in someone’s kitchen, I’m going to be a wee bit skeptical. I won’t leap onto it without first considering the possibility that the neck that I have become somewhat attached to might find itself squished into a mechanical deathtrap. Just call me the suspicious type, but a street of unoccupied parking spaces just doesn’t seem like a good thing.
We pulled over. First we scanned all the signs. Thanks to the DC Government, there are at least five at every corner:
1. Don’t even THINK about parking here.
2. Two hour parking Mon-Fri before 6:30PM.
3. No parking between here and there except for sometimes at night. Sort of.
4. This space for rent
5. Parking reserved for employee-of-the-month
Then we looked at the meter: “Two hour parking between 9AM-6:30PM Mon-Fri. We thought we were home free. But wait. There was a little red sticker in a different place on the meter. “Must pay Sat. This means you.” We decided to go ahead and pay for two hours of parking, then hope for the best (“the best” meaning a parking ticket that we could split three ways). We did so. Then we saw it: another sticker on the meter that said, “Call the number on the side of the meter which will give you payment instructions.” It was a cell phone parking meter! There, on the side of the meter, was an 800 number and a ten digit ID number. Marj copied the number.
Marj: Thank goodness I have my cell phone with me.
Ellen: Yes, you can call in more time after our two hours expires!
Me: Look at all the tiny little words and stickers. How do they fit so much stuff on one parking meter?
At the rally, Marj called the number, and was told she would have to “sign up for the service” and would have to enter the 10-digit number. Then she was put on hold . After at least three minutes, she hung up. Or rather, she thought she hung up. Turns out, her cell was still connected, so we brought the Helpful Cell Phone Parking Meter Android along with us on the march.
Anybody have an old meter and a nickel?
writerwoman61
October 25, 2010
Instructions for a parking meter? Now I’ve heard everything!
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
October 25, 2010
They are insane.
smcgamer
October 25, 2010
Pretty soon it’s going to be: “Please insert keycard and enter 37-digit passcode, and then type this month’s twelve passwords…”
lifeintheboomerlane
October 25, 2010
Yes, exactly. And thanks for reading!
sunshineinlondon
October 25, 2010
Were all the parking meters like that? What a nightmare! I totally know how you feel about blow drying your hair, though … 🙂
Sunshine xx
lifeintheboomerlane
October 25, 2010
These cell phone meters are the new in DC and aren’t in many locations yet. Anything to make life more exciting (and confusing). And thanks for understanding about the hair thing.
duke1959
October 25, 2010
Nashville has some new parking meters that I wish were that simple. These things are bizarre. I looked at one and thought “I’m not going to even try”.
lifeintheboomerlane
October 25, 2010
Aaargh is all I have to say. Even garages are installing machines inside. I stood at one for about 10 minutes, trying to figure it out. And there was no humanoid to ask. Finally, I found one. Such a helpless feeling.
duke1959
October 25, 2010
Of course we have Central Parking and they control everything.
Gayane Palian
October 25, 2010
Did the empty street get ticketed? Next time, come over to my place and I’ll drop you off…..
lifeintheboomerlane
October 25, 2010
We were way ober two hours, but we didn’t get a ticket. We figured the police were too distracted that day!
text me, love mom
October 26, 2010
Oh, you said read my mind – I’m in Calgary, Alberta and oh, what I would give for an old fashioned stick in your quarters frigging meter.
lifeintheboomerlane
October 26, 2010
Amen, although I’d much prefer the nickel ones from 1960.
Natosha
October 26, 2010
Oh my god. I will FREAK out if we get those meters here in the bay area. I am just getting used to the credit card parking meters. I like them now. I always have my credit card, I never have a wallet full of quarters so this is for the best. But the cell phone thing makes me think the next step is digital unique fingerprint payment or something equally as overboard.
lifeintheboomerlane
October 26, 2010
Hey Babe! Good to see you on WordPress! How is everything going? Yes, I’m getting fearful of the sight of parking meters. Can’t believe the worst I thought could happen was not having enough change. Now, this.
mira
October 26, 2010
oh my goodness laughing so hard. my mom is a surprisingly good dc parking spot finder. i will attest to that. it may or may not include her children getting out of the car and standing in parking spots across the street while she circles the block and gets on the correct side of the street.
lifeintheboomerlane
October 26, 2010
She’s a champ at everything except hanging up her cell phone.
thoughtsappear
November 2, 2010
This is exactly why I hate driving into DC: events and parking. (I don’t mind people doing U-turns in the middle of the street.)
I always make someone else drive or take the metro.
Funny post!
lifeintheboomerlane
November 2, 2010
Thanks for reading! Yes, if a store is in Virginia and DC, I will drive 10 miles in Virginia rather than two miles into DC. I checked your blog–I like the “thoughts that appear” to you.