CSI: Realtor Edition

Posted on April 30, 2012


Aside from being a hoarding therapist or a burglar, there is only one profession that allows one to enter the deepest recesses of other people’s homes with complete abandon.  And, unlike the well-known hazards of the other two professions (being attacked by frenzied mammals or roaches/being sent to prison), there is little downside.  That profession is Realtor.

This morning, I attended a home inspection of a house located in a trendy, upscale area of Arlington.  The inspector’s van was already in the driveway.  There was no place to park except at the street, behind his van.  I dutifully placed a visitor’s parking pass on my car but  I was aware that I was blocking the driveway, a violation not covered by the visitor’s parking permit.

Armed with nothing more than a cup of coffee, my cell phone, and my iPad, I sat as the inspector did his inspecting and the contractor took his notes.

At some point during the inspection, the contractor went outside to look at the porch. After awhile, he came back into the house and told me I’d better step outside.  He said there were police surrounding the house, with guns drawn.  I seriously reconsidered my parking decision.  I stepped outside with my hands in the air.

The sound of a voice came booming out of a loudspeaker.   The police had surrounded a house two doors down, one that had been vacant for some time.  They did, indeed, have guns drawn.  They did, indeed, say the following lines:

“Attention Neighbors! Stay in your homes!  Do not come out!  We have someone who is armed and dangerous in the immediate vicinity!”  That was followed by  “You must surrender now!  You are surrounded!  There is no escape!”  For a moment, I wasn’t sure if they were talking to me, but the moment passed.

Here are my observations of situations involving gun-drawn police and nefarious gun-drawn felons:

1. When police tell neighbors to stay on their homes for their protection, everyone immediately runs outside to find out what is going on.

2. When Now Husband is called and told what is happening his response is not “Are you OK?’  It is, instead, “Wow!  I’m going to jump on my scooter and come over there!”

3. After the police tell people there is someone who is armed and dangerous in our immediate vicinity, they go away.  They do not explain whether they have apprehended the armed and dangerous person.

After the inspection was over, I went out to my car, still concerned that with all the police crawling around, someone would have noticed that my car was parked illegally.  My car was ticket-free.  I guess the police can only deal with one criminal activity at a time.


Posted in: boomer humor, humor