In its never-ending quest to provide Life in the Boomer Lane with hilarity to comment about, this week’s Newsweek has an article titled “The Despot Index,” in which information about popular despots is given in a number of categories. Ten despotic-looking characters are represented, ranging from the cutting-edge leisureware fashionista Kim Jong-Il, to the next scheduled speaker at Rutgers, Muammar Gaddafi.
First off, the “Nickname” category: Growing up in Blue Collar Philly, the premier Mafia haven after New York and Chicago, LBL was used to nicknames like Philip “Chicken Man” Testa, Salvatore “Chuckie” Merlino, Joseph “Chickie” Ciancaglini, Salvatore “Salvie” Testa, “Tony Bananas” Caponigro. They all conjured images of happy-go-lucky, friendly folks and neighbors. After all, how can you not like a banana? The Despots don’t follow this trend. Kim Jong-Il wins. He is known as “Central Brain.” Other nicknames are mostly cuddly (Big Papa), awe-inspiring (The Lion, King of Kings, Father of the Nation), or Bob.
LBL’s next favorite category is “Trademark.” This is a fun category. The winner is Teodoro Obiang (Equatorial Guinea,) who “Makes people wear pictures of his face.” LBL imagines an entire population of people walking around wearing government-mandated tee shirts with pictures of him, which is actually pretty close to what is now happening with Justin Bieber. Than Shwe (Burma) would be a runner up. His trademark is “Wearing Women’s Clothing.” Contrary to what one might think, his nickname is “The Bulldog,” not “The Cute Tiny Pekingese.” Third would be Robert Mugabe (Zimbabwe) who “Has his own supermarket.” Why would this be bad? LBL would like to have her own supermarket. That way, there would only be four items: coffee Haagen Dazs, anything made of chocolate, Peets coffee, and light tuna in olive oil with a pull tab top. And none of the carts would have those little wiggly wheels that make it impossible to steer.
LBL will skip over the death and destruction that these guys created while they giddily amassed zillions of dollars that rightfully belong to their people. She’ll go straight to her favorite category: “Peccadillo.” It’s tough to choose a winner for this one. LBL thinks it’s a tie between “Accused of boiling people to death,” (Islam Karimov, Uzbekistan) and “Widely thought to be a cannibal,” (Teodoro Obiang) which if you really think about this means that Islam could invite Teo over for a fun dinner.
Age ranges of these guys go from 40-87. Most are in the 50-70+ age range. This goes to show that just because you are “of a certain age,” doesn’t mean you have to slow down one single bit. Especially if you get to wear pajamas all day. Or nothing.
carldagostino
April 8, 2011
These monsters need to be taken down. People are angry at Bush for Iraq and his alleged fraud re weapons of mass destruction as an excuse. Who cares ? Saddam held “rape rooms” to punish families by abducting women to these hell holes. Do you hear me ? Rape rooms ! If the US intervenes we are accused of violating the sovereignty of a country. These are not countries. They are “thugdoms” When we don’t take action we are accused of turning our backs on the oppressed people of the world.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 8, 2011
I always hesitate before making light of anything as serious as this. These men are running “businesses” that use terror tactics in order to amass extraordinary wealth. And the worst is the women and children, who are the least able to defend themselves. Re US intervention: If we hadn’t initially thrown our support behind many of these “regimes” we wouldn’t be in this situation now. Now, we are between the proverbially rock and a hard place.
Amy
April 8, 2011
Peccadillo? Yeah, I suppose that’s one word for it.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 8, 2011
Good one.
writerwoman61
April 8, 2011
That photo…oh…my eyes!
I refer to anyone whose name I can’t remember as “Bob”…
Funny post, Renée!
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
April 8, 2011
Thanks, Wendy!
Alaina Mabaso
April 8, 2011
I also subscribe to Newsweek, and have been startled by a lot of changes since the takeover from Daily Beast. My husband and I pored over the Despot Index while we were waiting to get our taxes done yesterday (tyrants and taxes, what could be more fun?)
In the end, the piece struck me as oddly flippant. Yes, we should be allowed to snigger at bad mustaches or outlandish narcissism, but dropping these things in right next to horrible realities like the actual massacre or famine death of millions just doesn’t sit quite right with me. It’s as if we’re trivializing these things by roping them in with statements that are clearly meant to be humorous.
Much as I enjoy this blog, this post leaves me similarly unsettled. Maybe it’s valuable to apply our sense of humor to the gloomiest topics – however else are we going to weather today’s world? But I guess I just don’t feel much like making jokes about the horrible realities these tyrants force on their people. I like your comment about hesitating to make light of this, and remembering the terrible impact on women and children in these regimes.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 8, 2011
I know. I was trying to make fun of Newsweek, because I thought the same thing when I saw the article about its being flippant. There are so many topics I won’t touch in any kind of humorous way, for exactly that reason. The last thing I would ever want to do is to offend someone’s sensibilities.
Simone Benedict
April 8, 2011
Oooh the photo. It looks just like my neighbor and how he dresses to mow his grass. Ugh, thanks for reminding me of what’s to come again this summer, lol.
I love the humor of your post. We should celebrate the freedom to make fun of them. If we were under their control, we wouldn’t be allowed to. Besides, the best approach with a bully (or tyrant) is humor, imo.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 8, 2011
Thanks, Simone. I do tend to see humor in most things (most, not all). It’s how I deal with anger, fear, frustration. But I try to be careful not to offend people. You make a good point. Thanks goodness we live in a country that allows us to make fun of such people. Re your neightbor: Ugh!
TheIdiotSpeaketh
April 8, 2011
Great post….though the photo will have me scarred for weeks…. 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
April 8, 2011
You mean it doesn’t make you want to give him a great big hug?
Kathryn McCullough
April 8, 2011
I’ll risk going out on a limb and saying the photo is toooooooo funny! Yeah, yeah, maybe we shouldn’t make light of these guys–(notice they are all men–are they not?)–but, good God, that photo is priceless!
In response to Carl’s comment–you’re right, Renee, the US has a fine tradition of supporting dictators when it benefits the pocket books of powerful people. Is it not almost the gospel when it comes to US foreign policy, to have been for the very guys we later decide to over throw–think about Iraq, even Libya.
Just sayin’—————-
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
April 8, 2011
He’s hot, isn’t he. Makes you want to run your fingers through his teased hair. Yes, when we take a step back and see how these events came about (which nowadays politicians have a huge aversion to) it’s so obvious that, if we didn’t create it, we certainly supported it at the time. And of course I know that sometimes, it was a lesser-of-two-evils kind of thing that eventually got out of control. And, on another note: At the moment I have smoke coming out of my ears over the possible government shutdown.
The Good Greatsby
April 9, 2011
I’d never had any interest in a career as a despot, but I’m intrigued by the opportunities to be creatively crazy on a forced, national level.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 9, 2011
And the possibilities appear endless.
Walker
April 9, 2011
Life is full of terrible things, we live with them every day and for many of us trying to find a humorous spin is a helpful tool. I don’t think you’ve crossed any lines. People will be offended no matter what you write!!
So, have you seen the movie Team America? It’s all marionette puppetry with a touching musical number of your guest pin-up boy there singing, I”m So Lonely (though with the stereotypical change from “l” to “r”.. Absolutely hilarious movie that spoofs all of us.
Maybe the answer to some of this senseless violence is to ship the whole lot of them over to Teodoro? Think of the money saved on food and munitions? (yes, very tasteless (ha!) joke)
ps: I knew you and I were meant to know each other- coffee ice cream and all things chocolate!!!!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 10, 2011
Many thanks for your thoughts, Walker. I will defintely see Team America now. And great idea about solving the despot issue. And one day, we shall dine together on coffee ice cream and chocolate while we trade men stories. Can you think of anything more fun?
Mariellen Romer
April 10, 2011
Hi Renee,
Thanks for popping over to my blog the other day and leaving a comment, I appreciated your visit.