The Toddler/Hobbit Connection

Posted on July 25, 2011


Toddler anatomy differs from other anatomies, like adults and marsupials.  Because their center of gravity is so low to the ground, Toddlers resemble real people less than they do Hobbits, without the medieval garb or hairy toes.  And, like Hobbits, they live in a miniature world of their own creation.  Yet, because they are so small, their adventures often occur beneath adult eye level.  Adults generally don’t find out that their environment has been seriously altered until they either step on a half-eaten banana or a AA battery.

Hobbits have Hobbit names.  Toddlers have human names, but in many cases, when asked “What is your name?” a toddler will answer with something that sounds eerily like “Frodo” or “Bilbo.”  Hobbits have  faces similar to humans.  So do Toddlers.  Yet, a discerning adult human can tell the difference between his face and that of a Hobbit or a Toddler.  Neither Hobbits nor Toddlers can grow beards, and this helps adult humans to distinguish the difference.

The life span of the average Toddler consists of about two years, specifically ages one to three, bridging babyhood and childhood.  The life span of the Hobbit is much longer, averaging 90-100 years.  However, the Toddler makes up for his brief time on the planet by exhibiting certain behaviors, such as a having a complete meltdown in public, thereby making time feel like it has stopped completely for the accompanying  adult human.

Smeagol, a Hobbit, was transformed into a pitiful monster, “Gollum” by dint of finding the powerful “One Ring.”  In an attempt to keep the ring for himself, he retreated to a distant, virtually inaccessible cave. When found, and threatened with loss of the One Ring, he became murderous and enraged.  Much the same aversion to sharing can be observed in Toddlers, when required to share toys.  This is especially pronounced when the Toddler is required to share toys with an alien being (another Toddler he doesn’t know) in a setting like the Disney Store, in which countless people can watch and pass judgment.

A special note must be made of the Toddler Brain, which has the uncanny ability to immediately reorganize  any ordinary items around the house into instruments of death. And, presented with a choice between two brightly-colored and very expensive toys, the Toddler will generally choose a butcher knife.

Smeagol aside, Hobbits are basically happy, engaging creatures.  Toddlers are the same and add a lot of joy to the lives of others, specifically their grandparents .  Like Hobbits, they go back to their own  little beds each night.  For  visiting grandparents,  a few stiff drinks  Advil and a good night’s sleep will allow them continued participation in the Toddler’s World the following day.