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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All posts tagged under »sarcasm«
Passenger Creates Kindle Mayhem on Transatlantic Flight
March 25, 2011
Life in the Boomer Lane’s flight back from London was uneventful except for one item of note. At some point during the trip, LBL fell asleep and was awakened by a loud clunk. When her brain cleared, she realized her Kindle must have slid off her lap. LBL then proceeded to do the Airline Dance in which […]
Ask Me About My Colonoscopy
March 19, 2011
When burying people up to their necks in sand and releasing ants to crawl all over their heads became passe, someone invented the colonoscopy. Colonoscopies are especially important for people over the age of 50 because it provides them with the need for something that no one ever told them about and which can’t be spelled anyway. […]
I’m too Famous for my Pilates Class
March 15, 2011
Actually I’m not. What with the whole Freshly Pressed thing yesterday, and with all the comments pouring in, I thought maybe I should stay home and answer them, instead of going to class. But the truth is that I just always try to think of a reason not to go to the gym (like the […]
Taxes and Other Communicable Diseases
March 14, 2011
“She didn’t make her quarterlies on time.” This year, I sailed breezily through tax preparation time. No fretting, no anguish. This is because I was entirely too busy making cute cuff bracelets to focus on doing any prep work in anticipation of visiting the tax preparer. When, on Tuesday, I finally removed the glue that had […]
What Makes Things Spew Out of My Nose
March 11, 2011
Life in the Boomer Lane can’t help it. Whenever anything happens that makes her feel uncomfortable or helpless or scared, she makes a joke. Then LBL makes herself laugh (because she is always her own best audience) and then things come out of her nose. Her life has never been directly threatened, but on two occasions when […]
Oh, Baby. Boomer.
March 10, 2011
E-Science News has come out with an article detailing a 65 year-long study on Boomers by the Medical Research Council of Britain. The title of the article alone, “Baby Boomer Study Shows Importance of Childhood,” is vital to understanding how they become who they become. Mainly this involves the fact that, after years of research, scientists […]
The Rite of Spring
March 8, 2011
Most people know it’s spring because of sudden, all consuming, uncontrollable thoughts of love. Or the sight of the first shock of color against a grey-smeared landscape. Or the heady, intoxicating, sweetly ephemeral scent of the air. Not Life in the Boomer Lane. She knows it’s spring because the ants are back in her pantry. Over the […]
A Short Phone Conversation Between Charlie Sheen and Muammar Qaddafi
March 3, 2011
CS: Hey, Mu, how’s it hangin? MQ: Bigger, if you catch my drift, man. CS: You dog. I can relate. MQ: So, what’s up? (Mutual laughter here) CS: Your name keeps comin up lately. People keep sayin I could run Libya. MQ: Chalib, you don’t even speak Arabic. CS: Arabic, schmarabic. Don’t matter, amigo. I’m a […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
That’s not my purse. It’s my kidney.
March 28, 2011
36
In an attempt to add body snatching to the list of endangered job descriptions, scientists are perfecting ways to grow organs (the kind usually found inside the body) in a lab. These “bioartificial” organs are identical to the ones produced when your father grabbed his crotch one day and whispered sweet nothings into your mother’s […]