A Jerusalem rabbinical court condemned to death by stoning a dog it suspects is the reincarnation of a secular lawyer who insulted the court’s judges 20 years ago.
Several weeks ago, according to the Behadrei Hadarim website, a large dog entered the Monetary Affairs Court near the ultra-Orthodox neighborhood of Mea Shearim. The dog scared the court’s visitors and, to their surprise, refused to leave even after they attempted to drive him away.
One of the judges suddenly recalled that about 20 years ago, a famous secular lawyer who insulted the court was cursed by the panel of judges, who wished that his spirit would move on to the body of a dog (considered an impure animal by Halacha). The lawyer passed away several years ago.
Clearly still offended, one of the judges sentenced the animal to death by stoning by local children.
The canine target, however, managed to escape.
wrong dog.
In an as-yet unreported follow-up, the dog was later found by a reporter, bellied-up to the bar at the Sour Grapes Saloon, about five miles from the courthouse.
The following conversation ensued:
Is there any truth to the allegations that you are actually an attorney?
Seriously now, do I look like an attorney? How many attorneys do you know have tails? OK, don’t answer that question. Just tell me, where’s the evidence?
Well, you seem to be evading the question. That’s attorney-like.
Actually it’s politician-like. Politicians give me the creeps. I mean, really, how far down on the ethics ladder can you go? Lawyers are seriously maligned. And as for dogs, I’ll take doggie-style on the lawn anyday over sexting. Yeech.
I’ll concede that one. But attorneys do manipulate the truth.
Watch it, Bud. One more comment and I’ll sue for libel.
Dogs can’t sue for libel.
Lassie vs MGM. 1961. Read it and weep.
You are talking like an attorney.
Listen, if I were an attorney, I’d be in some fancy schmancy office, not in a crummy bar. (sniffs butt and orders another drink)
I still need to know if the charges against you are correct.
(Yawning) Here’s the deal. I charge $500 an hour. If you don’t get out of here now, you’ll get a bill for this.
That’s totally an attorney thing.
Sorry, Bud, this interrogation ends now. You asked for it. I’ll send that bill out to you in the morning. And, if you don’t pay it, I’ll haul your ass into court. I may not be a lawyer, but I know my rights. (A siren drowns out the conversation) Whoa, that ambulance has my name on it! I’m off!
Life in the Boomer Lane 
Lisa (Woman Wielding Words)
June 18, 2011
I’m not sure what to say beyond hilarious an disturbing all rolled into one.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 18, 2011
Not much else to say, really.
Carl D'Agostino
June 18, 2011
I’ve need the services of several over they years. The charges were outrageous and I did most of the footwork myself. Never felt they were my advocate. Probably get the same deal from judge without them.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 19, 2011
I knew someone who did his own divorce. the judge told him he had a great attorney.
absence of Alternatives
June 18, 2011
This is beyond bizarre… and seriously is making our justice system seems so much saner. Perhaps here in the US we should promote this story much much more.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 19, 2011
I’m afraid if it did, it would just give people ideas. And they wouldn’t be good ones.
judithhb
June 18, 2011
Haven’t had anything to do with judges but lawyers here certainly know how to charge and as Carl says, could probably get the same result without them.
Great post.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 19, 2011
Thanks, Judith. The story is beyond bizarre.
Kathryn McCullough
June 19, 2011
Wait–does this meant the next time I’m arrested I can have my Maltese represent me at trial? Good God–I mean “Dog”–this is too weird for words!
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
June 19, 2011
Too weird is right. Your Maltese can only represent you if he/she is the reincarnation of a lawyer. Plus, you do have to pay the hourly rate.
Hippie Cahier
June 19, 2011
Methinks that judge took The Shaggy DA a little too literally! Don’t you just love the work “methinks”? I do.
I’d like to come back as a beagle. It’s hard not to love a beagle.
Hippie Cahier
June 19, 2011
word, not work
lifeintheboomerlane
June 19, 2011
Methinks is a perfect word. I use it a lot. Anon is also good, but when I try to use that, the room clears.
deliriouslydivine
June 19, 2011
Great! As usual, clever and creative. Love the bit where he sniffs his butt and orders another drink. You could have been a standup.
Have you seen the website: http://oldjewstellingjokes.com/ ? Some are funny…some fall flat.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 19, 2011
I’ve seen so many Jewish comedians, but I’ll check it out. Here’s a secret about me: I have HUGE FREAKING, PARALYZING STAGE FRIGHT. I’m great at leading meetings, workshops, doing book presentations, even yelling funny thing and talking to people who pass by on the street (which I do when we have book events). My humor is so in-the-moment. Most of the time, I can’t even repeat what comes out of my mouth once it’s out. I know if I had to be funny on schedule I would become catatonic, have a massive heart attack, and crap in my pants all at the same time.
deliriouslydivine
June 19, 2011
You would be way better
Amy
June 20, 2011
Why would children have to stone the dog? I mean, none of this makes any sense (except for your spot-on lawyer-dog dialogue), but that tidbit is the most unnerving.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 20, 2011
I cringe when I think of that. I can never make sense of anything religious extremists do. This was a terrible example.