Passenger Creates Kindle Mayhem on Transatlantic Flight

Posted on March 25, 2011

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Life in the Boomer Lane’s flight back from London was uneventful except for one item of note.  At some point during the trip, LBL fell asleep and was awakened by a loud clunk.  When her brain cleared, she realized her Kindle must have slid off her lap.  LBL then proceeded to do the Airline Dance in which one attempts to move one’s body in various ways, all the while confined to a space suitable for a wombat.  Her gyrations soon caught the attention of two men seated behind her who confirmed that they, too, had heard the loud clunk.  They joined in the Airline Dance with her.

After all three of them had vacated their seats and graduated from Airline Dance to Airline Yoga (where one does stretching and twisting poses, using the armrest and seat back for leverage), LBL noticed that several other passengers were beginning to look a bit concerned and so she declared an end to the festivities and took her seat again.  LBL told herself that the loss of a Kindle wasn’t enough to create a scene involving all of Seating Area 4 on the plane.  That resolve lasted until the flight attendant came by.

LBL asked her if she had a flashlight.  She whipped out her cell phone and started pushing buttons.  LBL had a momentary fear that she was calling someone to alert them to her “Kindle” situation and would thereby send the plane hurtling toward the ocean.  But she was merely activating a flashlight on her phone.  She cleared all seats around LBLs and, because of her intensive Flight Attendant Training, was able to go well beyond her paltry Yoga I poses, all the way into Advanced Spotted Snake Greets the Sunrise Pose.  Now all eyes were on what was going on.  People were shuffling around in their seats and whispering to each other.  Some were actually leaving their seats and coming up to LBL with questions like “How big is this object?”  “What book were you reading?” and “Will Allah let us all have virgins if we are on the same flight as you?”

Just when she had exhausted all possibilities, and had given all male passengers an unanticipated visual treat, she secretly called a male flight attendant.  He appeared, looking mighty serious indeed.  He proceeded to completely dismantle LBL’s seat, in the exact same manner one is supposed to do when one needs an emergency flotation device.  By now, several people were trying to dismantle their own seats, and several others were releasing their oxygen masks. A couple of first class passengers wandered back to see what was going on, wearing their airline-provided fuzzy travel PJs and holding their airline-provided teddy bears.  Another small group of Seating Area 4 passengers rushed the galley in an attempt to liberate more mini-pretzels, while the cabin crew were being distracted by LBL’s situation.

The entire episode ended when the Kindle was found across the aisle and several seats back, under the foot of the only passenger who hadn’t gotten involved in the mayhem.  LBL spent the rest of the flight sitting as still as she possibly could and trying to ignore the oxygen masks dangling around her and the crunching noises of pilfered mini-pretzels.

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