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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All posts tagged under »sarcasm«
Bristol Palin:Plastic Surgery-ing With the Stars
In an attempt to quell the insidious rumors going around that she has had plastic surgery, Bristol Palin invited a reporter to her home inAlaska. “First off,” she started, this is absolutely, completely, 110% not true. I did not have plastic surgery. I had corrective jaw surgery. I did not want to have surgery. My doctor […]
Gotta Love Joisey
May 10, 2011
I’ve had several messages from the universe lately. Some people get messages from the universe about saving countries or leading their people to freedom or fighting for human rights. I’m not one of those people. Because I grew up in Phiadelphia, I get messages about New Jersey. I spent a lot of time at the […]
The Person Whisperer
May 7, 2011
I’ve been sick for the past few days. My vocalizations have become quite unique. If Donald Trump’s hair could talk, this is the voice it would have. I do a lot of whispering, so as to protect pregnant women and small children. Here’s what I discovered: Whisper, and the world whispers with you. Reveal […]
Foreign Accent Syndrome
May 5, 2011
I have just been informed of something out there that is waiting to strike me down. Along with global warming, snakehead fish, killer bees, the IRS, and Donald Trump, I now fear FOREIGN ACCENT SYNDROME. According to the Today Show, Karen Butler, a woman from Oregon (Oregon, for god’s sake) went in for routine oral surgery […]
How to Live Forever
May 4, 2011
Newsweek has an article called “How to Live Forever.” In spite of that intriguing title, the article isn’t about living with your children or in the nursing home until the universe is finished being the universe and moves on to being something else. If everyone really could live forever, it would bring up other issues. Like […]
Osama Bin Laden: The Expose
May 2, 2011
It is only now that Osama Bin Laden is finally dead, that certain questions can be answered: What’s up with the woman’s clothes thing? Reports have established that Osama Bin Laden regularly went about disguised as a woman. As he was bearded and he is believed to have been somewhere between 6’4” and 6’6”, it […]
Married to Mr Transportation
April 26, 2011
Now Husband Dan is thoughtful, physically affectionate, and never ends a phone call without saying “I love you.” For the last week, we have been living about 20 minutes away from each other and communicating mostly via phone. I have been on Anna Maria Island, helping Joyce. Dan has been in our trailer mobile home […]
This Ain’t No Grey’s Anatomy
April 20, 2011
Joyce, a close friend of mine who lives in Florida, took a fall a couple days ago. I was visiting my son in Charleston when the phone call came to tell me what had happened. I flew home, packed, turned around and flew to Florida to spend a week helping to take care of her. Her surgery […]
I’ll Have Two Elf Ears and a Side of Bacon
April 19, 2011
Thanks to AARP, I have been alerted to a new trend in man’s ongoing quest for perfection: elf ears. AARP states that “Body modification artists cut the tops of young people’s ears and sew them back together in a pointed shape.” The segment is titled, “Ah, Youth! Sometimes we don’t miss it.” I don’t […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
May 12, 2011
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