Married to Mr Transportation

Posted on April 26, 2011



Now Husband Dan is thoughtful, physically affectionate, and never ends a phone call without saying “I love you.” For the last week, we have been living about 20 minutes away from each other and communicating mostly via phone. I have been on Anna Maria Island, helping Joyce. Dan has been in our trailer mobile home in Bradenton. Normally, by now, he would have been a sad puppy, tail curled down, counting the minutes until he could see me again. Normally. But on Thursday, NHD bought a scooter: a very large one. I am nothing, if not supportive:

You already have a scooter.

That’s for home. This one is for Florida.

That makes one car, one sailboat, one motorcycle, two scooters, and a bicycle. Is a two-hump camel next?


 When can I see you?

I pick up the scooter today but I don’t know what time.

What happened to the car? Why can’t you use that?

I want to pick you up on the scooter. It will be great.


Did you get the scooter?

It was making funny noises. I had to take it back. Dewayne says I’ll get it tomorrow.


That motorcycle guy who sold it to me. The one who has that big eagle tattoo all over his back.

Oh, right. The eagle is holding bloody snakes in its talons. And it says “Born to Fuck You Up”

That’s the guy.

I thought he was in jail for selling hot motorcycle parts.

Not hot. Defective. He said the charges had no merit.


Did you get the scooter?

It’s Easter so Dewayne said I wouldn’t get it until Monday.

Is he religious?

No, just drunk.


Did you get the scooter?

This afternoon. Dewayne had to get a part.

What part?

The part that he forgot to put on because he was drunk.


Did you get the scooter?


Great, so I’ll see you today.

I’ll come by and take you out to dinner.

What about the rest of the day? Why can’t I see you before that?

I want to make sure the scooter is perfect. I’ll see you at 6.

Listen, my flight is really early. How about if I pack up and stay with you tonight?

Your suitcase won’t fit on the scooter. How about we just do dinner?

Are you sleeping with your scooter?


I thought so.