There are a lot of reasons why I think Donald trump should run for the Republican nomination. I’ll focus on one: He is willing to get to the bottom of things. And he spends a lot of time on the bottom to prove it.
In an attempt to get to the truth about what is, according to Mr Trump, Obama’s “alleged excellent academic record,” Mr Trump has targeted 100 million dollars to locate all of Obama’s elementary, junior high, and high school report cards, as well as to interview all teachers, principals and personnel of all schools Obama attended.
Trump’s people located Mary Margaret Papp, a retired elementary school lunchroom worker, currently residing in Homestead, Florida. They have released the following statement from Papp.
“I remember that Obama boy. He threw his vegetables into the trash each day. Maybe not all of them. Maybe just the green ones.”
When questioned why such information was relevant, Trump answered, “This is the President of the United States. His wife makes such a big deal about healthy eating. ‘Ooooh, don’t eat this! Don’t eat that! Let’s all plant seeds and dig in the dirt!‘ Well, what I want to know is why we should believe all that health crap when he threw vegetables away? Tell me that. I think the American people need to know the truth.”
Meatloaf (the person), currently appearing on Mr Trump’s reality show “Celebrity Apprentice” has been targeted to head a group of 100 retired IRS tax auditors to review Obama’s academic record from Occidental College, in an attempt to explain “how on earth he could have gotten into Harvard.” According to Mr Trump, “Someone told me, or maybe I read somewhere, or heard on Fox News or something, that Obama wasn’t a good student. It doesn’t matter how I heard it. So I want to know how a person who isn’t a good student gets into Harvard. Mr Meatloaf is the man to help me. He has a name that’s an actual thing, a thing you know the meaning of. You can trust that, not like one of those foreign names that might mean something really bad.”
An unnamed source has reported that former President George W Bush called Mr Trump’s office to say, “I’m here to help. I was a really bad student and I got into Yale. And I think my dad has my birth certificate. I can ask him.” According to the same unnamed source, his call wasn’t returned.
Life in the Boomer Lane 
carldagostino
April 29, 2011
He is able to market himself because he projects confidence and is brazen. His skepticism is congruent with a great mood of people who now don’t trust or believe anything the government tells us. Quite a showman and he is tapping into everything negative in negative people. A am a Republican, but from what’s out there I would vote to reelect President Obama. I like the regular guy sincerity of Mike Huckabee, but I cannot vote for a man who thinks the earth was created in 7 days and that the planet is 8,000 years old. Michelle and Sarah are astonishingly ignorant.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 29, 2011
Your observations are spot on. And I admire you tremendously for being a thoughtful Republican, rather than a kneejerk Republican. For many years, I considered myself an independent. W and Cheney pushed me firmly into Democratic territory, where I have remained. I will not align myself with politicians who spout hate and fear, and/or who are ignorant about issues and refuse to educate themselves. there is just way too much at stake now. As for Huckabee, I don’t want to insult anyone’s religious beliefs, but I never remember there being such religious rightousness around. It scares me.
Mrs. H.
April 29, 2011
Lmao, Renee, please tell me that you made up those comments. They are too ridiculous to come out of anyone’s mouth! Although, I do find it funny when opposers to the president at all (not his policies, mind you…the man) attempt to cast doubt about his intentions as a world leader by digging up information from the past. It’s pretty hysterical. You know, when I was ten, I spent almost an entire year “trying out” lying. I lied about everything, even when it was obvious. So, clearly, nobody should trust what I’m saying now, twenty years later. Because I could be lying about lying. Which is the worst kind of lie of all! 😉
I honestly don’t know who I’ll be voting for come 2012. I like our current president, I do. I knew when the market crashed just a month or so before the election that whoever was elected would be blamed for the economic downturn, no matter what. Just happened to be a Democrat who took that on. I’m not so convinced a Republican would have done any better. The reality is that our country suffered a devastating blow and, no matter what, it would be a long time and a hard road before our economy was set to right. Could it be that Donald Trump could fix the economic situation on Day Three? Maybe. His businesses seem to be running pretty well. I don’t know if I want America to be treated like a business, though…. Can you “fire” citizens? (Do we still exile people? Lol.)
That’s my theory, anyway.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 29, 2011
I totally agree with your belief that Obama was handed poo poo on a silver platter, asked to turn it into a gourmet meal, and was then blamed for the poo poo in the first place. Trump has declared backruptcy on at least one occasion. And running a country is very different from running a company. I made up part of the remarks, but it is true that Trump is now after Obama’s Occidental transcripts, since he “just doesn’t understand how the man got into Harvard.” Some have accused Trump of being a racist. I’m not saying a word.
Tori Nelson
April 29, 2011
Hahahaha. I’m also a little embarrassed to call myself a fellow human in the presence of Sir Side Sweep Trump. Is there any, and I mean ANY, posisibility that he’s a very domesticated dog? I’d feel a little better about this.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 29, 2011
Shame on you. You do a grave disservice to domesticated animals.
Swanlady
April 29, 2011
LMAO 🙂
Kathryn McCullough
April 29, 2011
Thanks so much for adding legitimate humor to what has been a media circus. I make no bones about the fact that I’m a left-leaning American who wholely supports Obama, even if, at times, I’ve been a bit disappointed. Trump is an ass–a pompous, narcisistic ass. (Sorry I don’t have any strong feelings on this one!) I LOVE this post Renee–LOVE it. Thanks so much!
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
April 29, 2011
When I changed planes in Atlanta, coming back from Florida, I watched CNN and it was all about Trump and his comments. I hadn’t watched the news all week. I was sitting there, spewing silent epithets. I think smoke was coming out of my ears. I was in danger of being arrested for violating the “smoke-free” status of the airport.
2blu2btru
April 29, 2011
This is so funny! Trump is ridiculous–and trying to drum up viewers for his show. The man has no idea how to turn the economy around–remember the bankruptcy, the gold plated walls and bathroom fixtures in his high rise home in the sky the first time he had billions? That type of long term short sidedness is EXACTLY what we need in this country!
It amazes me how much people hate Obama–not his policies or anything pertaining to him as President, but him as a person. I won’t cry racism (out loud) or anything, but I do wonder why they hate him so much. Who cares what kind of student he was? Bush wasn’t a good student. He couldn’t make a speech (that was written for him) without saying something that ended up on my “Stupidest Things Ever Said” calendar. Now we care about academic records and intellectual credentials? Please!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
Yes, yes, yes. It doesn’t matter what Obama does. There will always be a certain percentage of people who will vilify him. And Fox News and Rush etc. will continue to do the same. I want to believe that the majority of people will see him as a human being and will judge him objectively, whether they are in favor of him or not.
1959duke
April 29, 2011
Lets see. The state of Alabama is pretty much flatten by the weather this week and Donald Trump is flapping his lips about things that do not matter. Maybe he could go to Alabama and spend his money on helping those folks. Then again they have suffered enough this week by high winds that do nothing but cause damage.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
Good one, Duke! That just about says it all.
Elly Lou
April 29, 2011
I love you. Hard. In the face. That is all.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
I used to think of beaches and warm water when life got me down. No more. Your words will be my new vision of serenity.
writerwoman61
April 29, 2011
Trump is the main speaker at a big conference here this fall…tickets are $175 each…I will not be going…he is an ASS!
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
Ugh. I would seriously picket the place on that night.
julie gardner
April 29, 2011
Oh my god you are hysterical!
Would you maybe run for president?
Please?
I love this post. And vegetables.
Not that this matters to your presidency…
lifeintheboomerlane
May 1, 2011
Hi Julie, thanks for visiting my alternate universe. Given a choice between being President or being the one who vacuums the rug in his office, I’d pick the latter job. There are fewer bozos in the cleaning industry.
TexasTrailerParkTrash
April 29, 2011
I think the “King of the Comb-over” is expending too much of his brain power on keeping those fatigued follicles of his alive…
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense. That would explain his rapid descent into irrationality.
Amy
April 29, 2011
“Mr Meatloaf is the man to help me. He has a name that’s an actual thing, a thing you know the meaning of. You can trust that . . .”
Too funny!! But, I can actually hear Trump saying that. It’s a sad, sad state of affairs.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
Thanks, Amy. And isn’t it tragic that there are SO MANY characters out there now in the political arena who provide a never-ending supply of material for us?
Amanda Hoving
April 29, 2011
You are a riot.
I’m glad it was Meatloaf (the man) on the show, because meatloaf (the thing) has never been very trustworthy, in my opinion.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
Thanks, Amanda. I’ll have to give more thought to the meatloaf issue.
Simone Benedict
April 29, 2011
Your post totally had me fooled. I believed it all. Now it makes me laugh even harder. But, I think you said once in a comment that you laugh so you won’t cry. That’s why I’m so grateful for your posts. Otherwise, I’d be bawling my head off…
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
Thanks, Simone. Yes, and there are so many things in life like that now. More fodder for humor so we don’t all go bawling off into the sunset (or off a cliff).
omawarisan
April 29, 2011
He gives me cramps. Why is the media feeding us this moron?
I know you don’t know, there’s just no one to hear me scream it right now.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
Cramps is a pretty darn perfect way to put it.
Judith
April 29, 2011
Oh Renee – please tell me that nobody with even one brain cell said those words. You must have been having a fun day.
And from the other side of the world I thought that generally Americans approved of Obama. He’s got to be better that George W.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 1, 2011
Some posts write themselves. This one, unfortunately, was one of them. The Donald did say that about wanting to see Obama’s Occidental transcripts. Obama’s approval ratings had been going down and then leveled off. He and W are in different worlds, as far as I’m concerned. I still adore him, but I know a lot of people are disappointed. The issues are just so f-ing overwhelming.
judithhb
April 30, 2011
Well the blogosphere ate up my comment.
Please tell me that Trump didn’t actually say those things.
He really does come across as a buffoon and I love his hair style. Off now to get mine done along the same lines – but what to do with all the rest of the hair on my head?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
The part about Occidental College was, I’m afraid, aboslutely true. How bad is it when your utterances all sound like an SNL skit? Oh god, his hair should be arrested.
Carole
April 30, 2011
Just came back from our May Day march and I was so glad to see that a sense of humour still survives in the USA, must be hard to hold onto with those nice folk on FOX feeding people such riveting stuff. BTW where can I buy a Rush Limbaugh dartboard?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
All of these people are part of a vast depleted gene pool that is replicating itself at an astonishing rate.
The Good Greatsby
April 30, 2011
The real victims in all this are the rich. The entire social and economic structure of America is being called into question because the rest of us were taught you had to be smart to be rich, and the rich can’t be happy Trump is destroying that philosophy.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
Oooooh, I think you should write a post about that.
murr brewster
April 30, 2011
I hear Mr. Trump said he was “really proud of himself today” for having provoked the President into proving his own existence. It’s a relief. Most days the Donald is wallowing in humility.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
I love that: “provoked the President into proving his own existance.” That will certainly give him encourage for more mayhem.
Walker
April 30, 2011
I’d hoped you were just creating humorous fiction but it probably all true. The saddest part of all is that we have anyone in this country who is willing to give this clown a public venue! I fear for my grandchildren! Seriously!
If you haven’t seen the movie Idiocracy, this would be the perfect time as it’s now seeming more like reality!
Yikes. By the way, I saw a (real) clown 2 weekends ago and got to touch his hair. Just sayin’
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
I will check out Idiocracy, but I’m afraid it will make me cry. Was the clown’s hair better than The Clown’s hair?
izziedarling
April 30, 2011
Think of the good $100 million dollars could do to help others?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 30, 2011
Absolutely, except he’d proable give the entire thing to Fox News and others like that.
successisthebestrevenge
May 1, 2011
He brings drama. Americans will definitely get out and vote to ensure their choice will be in the primary. This draws people to the political process; and the end result is more voters, and increased awareness of the voting process, and the importance of voting.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane. I certainly hope you are right!
merrilymarylee
May 1, 2011
Are you kidding me? The garbage report and his reasons for reporting it? Holy crap! No… unholy crap.
More than just Trump’s hair is lunatic fringe.
Sheesh!
lifeintheboomerlane
May 1, 2011
Lunatic fringe is right. Great line!