Trump Charges

Posted on April 29, 2011

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There are a lot of reasons why I think Donald trump should run for the Republican nomination. I’ll focus on one: He is willing to get to the bottom of things. And he spends a lot of time on the bottom to prove it.

In an attempt to get to the truth about what is, according to Mr Trump, Obama’s “alleged excellent academic record,”  Mr Trump has targeted 100 million dollars to locate all of Obama’s elementary, junior high, and high school report cards, as well as to interview all teachers, principals and personnel of all schools Obama attended.

Trump’s people located Mary Margaret Papp, a retired elementary school lunchroom worker, currently residing in Homestead, Florida.  They have released the following statement from Papp.

“I remember that Obama boy. He threw his vegetables into the trash each day. Maybe not all of them.  Maybe just the green ones.”

When questioned why such information was relevant, Trump answered, “This is the President of the United States.  His wife makes such a big deal about healthy eating. ‘Ooooh, don’t eat this! Don’t eat that! Let’s all plant seeds and dig in the dirt!‘  Well, what I want to know is why we should believe all that health crap when he threw vegetables away? Tell me that.  I think the American people need to know the truth.”

Meatloaf (the person), currently appearing on Mr Trump’s reality show “Celebrity Apprentice”  has been targeted to head a group of 100 retired IRS tax auditors to review Obama’s academic record from Occidental College, in an attempt to explain “how on earth he could have gotten into Harvard.” According to Mr Trump, “Someone told me, or maybe I read somewhere, or heard on Fox News or something, that Obama wasn’t a good student. It doesn’t matter how I heard it.  So I want to know how a person who isn’t a good student gets into Harvard. Mr Meatloaf is the man to help me. He has a name that’s an actual thing, a thing you know the meaning of. You can trust that, not like one of those foreign names that might mean something really bad.”

An unnamed source has reported that former President George W Bush called Mr Trump’s office to say, “I’m here to help.  I was a really bad student and I got into Yale. And I think my dad has my birth certificate. I can ask him.”  According to the same unnamed source,  his call wasn’t returned.

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