It is only now that Osama Bin Laden is finally dead, that certain questions can be answered:
What’s up with the woman’s clothes thing? Reports have established that Osama Bin Laden regularly went about disguised as a woman. As he was bearded and he is believed to have been somewhere between 6’4” and 6’6”, it can now be revealed that he never had any matches during the evenings he attended Islamabad Speed Dating Events.
How was his house found? The CIA became suspicious when it was learned that a certain house on the outskirts of Islamabad had 14 foot high concrete walls around it, barbed wire on the top, a helipad, and a kennel filled with pit bulls. Suspiciously,the home had neither phone service nor internet service. Nightly surveillance revealed that there were regular deliveries from “Small and Tall Women’s Clothing” in Sunnyvale, CA, as well as packages from DSW. Agents posing as stray dogs were able to ascertain that the shoes were size 14N and were mostly mid-heel comfort styles.
Why didn’t anyone ever notice a 6’6” woman coming and going? Neighbors did notice. Some assumed it was someone connected to the popular Pakistani cross-dressing show, Begum Nawazish Ali. Others hid their sons.
What’s up with the cassette tape thing? The CIA has long wondered why all of Bin Laden’s messages were on cassette tapes, forcing them to repeatedly purchase old cassette players from a store on eBay. The question was finally answered when it was learned that the operator of the store was an uncle of Bin Laden’s. He has now changed the name ofthe store and specializes in VCRs and Beta machines. Agents are keeping a close eye on him.
What does all this have to do with Donald Trump? Trump has released the following statement: “I credit myself entirely for the death of Mr Bin Laden. Because of my constant public harassment of President Obama, he knew that he had to create a huge diversion. The only way to take the focus off his birth certificate and school records was to have Mr Bin Laden killed.”
1959duke
May 2, 2011
I have been waiting for your take on this. Its not like he was 4 ft. tall.of course now the people of Pakistan will claim they didn’t know he was there. I’m sure there are a few tall people but suspect not many wearing a dress and make-up. Of course Trump will take credit for this too. My question for him is this. Who does his hair and makeup every morning? He needs to fire that person.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
Ooooh, another reality show: “Style Mr Trump’s Hair.” If you win, you lose.
Struggling Dad
May 2, 2011
Hilarious assessment. It’s so funny, it just might all be true!
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane, SD, and for commenting. I’ve noticed that life, in general, seems to be getting stranger than fiction.
carldagostino
May 2, 2011
This is such a shot in the arm for America. I liken it to Jimmy Doolittle’s 30 seconds over Tokyo raid in 1942.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
Yes, great for the country, great for Obama.
pegoleg
May 2, 2011
The last point rings eerily true, both for The Donald and the president.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
I’m telling you, Donald will find a way….
Joyce
May 2, 2011
and obama timed the announcement about osama so that it interrupted trump’s celebrity apprentice show. cool.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
I didn’t even realize that. That should make Donald even crazier.
Tom G.
May 2, 2011
I’m waiting for the interview with the neighbors…
“He always seemed like such a quiet person. He pretty much kept to himself. Once, about 5 years ago, he stopped by to ask me to not place the recycling bin so close to his driveway. Otherwise, he seemed to get along with everyone.”
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
Yes! So funny. I smell a post.
Tori Nelson
May 2, 2011
I knew he could pull off the edgy, Posh Spice bob. The real question is, did he use a flat iron?
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
I’m thinking he had a permament bad hair day. Hence, the turban.
Jack
May 2, 2011
I read that Trump’s toupee was used to asphyxiate OBL.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
So funny. You could use that to equip an army.
Emily Jane
May 3, 2011
LOL
ladyjustine
May 2, 2011
Haha. So true. I do wonder how Mr. bin Laden went about his daily business being such a tall man. Surely that in itself would attract attention! Maybe he stooped a lot
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
So true. The man had to tower over everyone. When he was disguised as a woman and wore a burka, he must have needed two king size bedsheets to make it.
deliriouslydivine
May 2, 2011
Brilliant post!
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
Hey, thanks! Life just keeps throwing this material my way.
omawarisan
May 2, 2011
Insert Trump glowering look here.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
The more he glowers, the wider I smile.
pearlsandprose
May 2, 2011
Can’t believe it took this long to get Osama bin Laden. Didn’t he have kidney disease too? Karma…!
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
Yes. Well, now he doesn’t have to worry about the kidney disease.
Lisa
May 2, 2011
I read this this morning and didn’t get a chance to say thank you for your brilliant and hilarious assessment.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
Hey, thanks so much Lisa. I’ll admit, it sure was fun to write.
Elly Lou
May 2, 2011
Leave it to you to find the single example of an evil drag queen. 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
But who knows how many others he might have trained? He might have spawned an army of evil drag queens, just waiting to come forward.
Kathryn McCullough
May 2, 2011
Too funy, Renee! Not only this, but the network interupted Trump’s announcement on the Apprentice about who got fired with news of Bin Laden’s death. This is surely a conspiracy!
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
May 2, 2011
I don’t watch the show, but a friend of mine told me that. Ooooooh, happy day.
TheIdiotSpeaketh
May 3, 2011
I would bet the farm that The Donald was trying like crazy to think of a way to take credit for all this…. 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
May 3, 2011
Agreed!
The Good Greatsby
May 3, 2011
Thank you Donald Trump. The only reason Obama took out Bin Laden was to spite you by interrupting Apprentice with the breaking news. You’ve done us a great service. Now you can go away.
journeytoepiphany
May 3, 2011
Very funny, and it got me doing searches to see if what element of truth there was in each matter…
lifeintheboomerlane
May 3, 2011
Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane, Kimmie. Ooooh, that’s the first time anyone has ever said that. And, with some of these folks, truth is, indeed, stranger than fiction.
planejaner
May 3, 2011
well, he makes a lovely woman.
Alas, he’ll be missed.
NOT.
blessings
jane
lifeintheboomerlane
May 3, 2011
*smiling*
murr brewster
May 4, 2011
That last paragraph was entirely too likely. [shudder]
lifeintheboomerlane
May 4, 2011
Some people are stranger than fiction.
merrilymarylee
May 4, 2011
And of course, Donald is demanding to see the Death Certificate…!
Seriously, I have read some of the comments that people are leaving on online news reports and it is amazing how they are finding some way to twist all this into an anti-Obama rant.
Good grief.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 4, 2011
if Jesus had his third coming and pronounced Omaba the new messiah, they’d still be ranting. They’d demand Jesus’ birth certificate, as well as proof of his membership in the Carpenter’s Union.