There are two categories of people who have been maligned over the years, IRS agents and mothers-in-law. This post will not add to the well-deserved mountain of cow dung heaped on the IRS. They know who they are, and they know about the bad things they have done. This writer would, if she could, give them a sound spanking and send them to dinner without their supper, but they probably still wouldn’t apologize for the $47,600 they erroneously billed her for back in 2008. And they will probably still require a tax return come next April 15, when what they really should have done was to not only apologize but to declare this writer (as some corporations and really rich people) a tax-free zone. Now on to the second category, mothers-in-law.
A survey conducted jointly by ThirdAge.com, the largest site for baby-boomer women, and GalTime.com, an online magazine for women, asked 1,868 mothers-in-law and 2,000 daughters-in-law what they thought of each other. Needless to say, they did so in the form of a survey, rather than by gathering everyone together in a sound proof room and issuing padded clothing.
Here are the results on mothers-in-law speaking about their daughters-in-law:
60% saw their son’s wife as either a daughter, a friend or the right woman for their son.
10% saw her as either the enemy or suspected that she was personally responsible for having started the Great Chicago Fire.
When asked if they actually liked their daughter-in-law, the numbers change a bit.
Over 50% said they did
45% thought that she was “just OK,” disliked her some of the time, or didn’t like her at all.
Less than 1% held their daughters-in-law personally responsible for both the current economic meltdown and global warming.
If you notice that some of the numbers might not add up, don’t worry. We don’t care, and we are moving on. If you want to spend time figuring it out, that’s your business.
Daughters-in-law had more negative views of their mothers-in-law.
24% considered their mother-in-law as a “frenemy”
12.9% saw their mothers-in-law as an outright enemy, although most admitted that they didn’t think their mothers-in-law would ever conduct a military attack on the United States.
The #1 cause of the negative feelings toward mothers-in-law is giving unsolicited advice. (One respondent called herself a “controlling bitch,” and was proud of the fact that although her son and daughter-in-law had been married for 8 years, her son still lived at home and he and his wife hadn’t had sex yet. “I know how to protect my baby, she told researchers, while pureeing her son’s dinner).
The good news for everyone is that on the whole, opinions weren’t as bad the old stereotypes and comedy routines. Just barely. Husband Sons, when asked what they thought of the survey results, responded “Is dinner ready yet?”
Life in the Boomer Lane 
Carl D'Agostino
November 9, 2011
IRS agents have always been very courteous and helpful via phone and matters were always settled in my favor so lucky there. Had good luck with mothers in law too. All very nice. Problem is there have been more than I can remember if you count live together girlfriends.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 9, 2011
Oh boy, there’s a story here, Carl.
kathy
November 9, 2011
I think it would be a huge mistake, not to mention threat to national security, to underestimate the military aspirations of most mothers-in-law. I think many may even be armed with weapons of mass destruction–
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
November 9, 2011
I think I know that woman.
life is a bowl of kibble
November 9, 2011
I would love to leave my two cents worth on my motherinlaw veiw but I was taught “If you can’t say something good then SHUT THE HELLo UP”
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
ooooh.
notquiteold
November 9, 2011
My mother-in-law could be exasperating at times, but overall, she was loving and earnest. Probably a lot like me. I loved her and I miss her.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 9, 2011
My Then Husband’s mom was the best mother-in-law I could have hoped for, and when my mom died and I had a 20 month old and an 8 month old, she was there for me and for us.
chlost
November 9, 2011
My mother-in-law was wonderful. Now that I am a mother-in-law myself, I can even more fully appreciate how wonderful she was. I aspire to be like her, but I am sure I fail. I have tried to maintain the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in this regard. I don’t ask her what she could possibly be thinking in planning to homeschool, and I don’t tell my opinion unless it is asked-not often.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 9, 2011
Same here. I don’t give opinions unless I’m asked for them, and that doesn’t happen very often. My kids are all decent, loving, employed, and happy in their lives and with their significant others. I haven’t yet had anything happen where I react, What the f—- are they thinking?!”
nrhatch
November 9, 2011
My MIL and I managed pretty well . . . once she realized that I would NOT be providing her with any grandkids. 😉
nrhatch
November 9, 2011
Nevertheless, I loved this post!
lifeintheboomerlane
November 9, 2011
Thanks. And I think that’s a biggie. My cousin’s son has told her there will be no grandchildren. It was tough for her, but of course she realizes that the decision to have children is a personal one and isn’t subject to opinion from others.
My Inner Chick
November 9, 2011
—I liked my MIL, but sometimes she drove me insane w/ her unwanted advice. X
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
Aha, the #1 problem.
Archie
November 10, 2011
Well, I tried to follow your advice and just move on from an IRS incident, but it didn’t work.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
Yikes, what happened? I filed as single in 2006, then in 2007 sent an amended return to change my status to married, thereby saving me $14,000 in taxes. When the correspondence came from the IRS, I expected a check. But it was a bill for almost $48,000. Two years later, after the interest and penalties were mounting daily, after about 100 phone calls, after getting my accountant to send the IRS a detailed letter, nothing. I finally went to the agency that takes people’s cases if they believe it has merit, and they got it resolved in a couple weeks.
k8edid
November 10, 2011
I hear from my ex-daughter-in-law more often than I do my own son. She is the best and if I’d had a daughter, I’d want one like her. My mother-in-law did not like me in the beginning, but we grew to love each other very much and I took care of her during her final days – she would have no one else…
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
I love this. I do think that some daughters-in-law can fill in the gaps. A lot of boys love their moms, but aren’t great i the communication department. And I especially love that you created a loving relationship with your mother-in-law.
ryoko861
November 10, 2011
I never talk to my mother in law. Occasionally, I’ll write her a letter and thank her for the $20 she sent me for my birthday. She’s a little eccentric. She’s also 93 and never fails to ask my husband “Do you know how old I am? I’m 93”. And hubby says “Yes, mom, you are.”.
So I really can’t say whether I like her or not. I know she likes me. She told everyone I’m her favorite. Why I don’t know. I never see her.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
This is actually pretty funny. Was there ever a time she was younger than 93, or did you just marry your husband recently?
Elly Lou
November 10, 2011
Math?!?! No math. Or taxes. Shit – I think I just came up with my campaign platform.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
I think the Tea Party beat you to it.
Arindam
November 10, 2011
The perfect way to end the post! It could not be ended in a better way!
““Is dinner ready yet?” That is the only line a man can say!
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
Thanks, Arindam. Yes, neutrality is the only way to survive in some situations!
Deborah the Closet Monster
November 10, 2011
I once told a MIL joke to a woman I loved dearly.
“You do remember I’m just about to become your sister’s MIL, right?”
Since then, I’ve banished the joke from memory, but that moment lingers in my brainpan. :p
Also? I’m trying to imagine what it would look like if me and mine participated in such a survey.
*cough*
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
Now, there’s a post-in-the-making!
Deborah the Closet Monster
November 10, 2011
I’ll make one, too, if I can figure out how to do so without getting a skillet to the head! 😉
She's a Maineiac
November 10, 2011
My MIL has this uncanny ability to dole out thinly veiled insults. She’s so good, you don’t even realize that she had insulted you until hours later. Usually it’s about my housekeeping or child-rearing techniques.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
You mean things like, “I love the way your children are learning to prepare their own meals at such an early age!” or “You’ve always been so good about maintaining your home yourself without that extra boost that outside help would give you.”
Lisa Wields Words
November 10, 2011
I have an ok relationship with my mother-in-law. The real struggle is based on religious differences (she’s worried that Nathan will convert to Judaism and therefore go to hell). So we just avoid the issue. I’d say my relationship with my father-in-law is much more complicated. I don’t think he likes me very much.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
I was lucky. Then Husband’s parents, Methodists who were active in the church, were delighted when TH’s sister married a Catholic. When TH and I were about to be married, my MIL said to me, “I’m so happy. First a Catholic, now a Jew in the family. It’s perfect!” She was that kind of woman. Sorry about your FIL. He’s missing out on knowing a special woman, indeed.
Marcia Clarke
November 10, 2011
So, the secret for getting along with your mother in law is tell her–keep your opinions to yourself. Right? I had to spell it out to my MIL many years ago, and that did the trick. For some reason they have a problem letting go of their sons, she has since passed away but after that conversation we got along just fine. LOL!
I am a MIL to two great guys, and practice what I preach; unless asked, I keep my opinions to myself.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
Good for you! That is so the perfect answer to a relationship.
pegoleg
November 10, 2011
There used to be a talk show in Chicago hosted by Jenny Jones. My mother-in-law, sister-in-law and I all went up to see it, but had no idea of the topic. While we were sitting in the ready room, the producers came in and said “today’s show is about in-laws you hate. Who has a story to share?” I looked at the women sitting very close (in striking range) on either side of me and quickly said “nope. No story here.”
My mother-in-law has always been a warm, welcoming woman who knows how to keep quiet when needed. Kind of a shame, because that’s not funny.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
That, in itself, was a good story, Peg. Hey, I remember Jenny Jones. Wow, hadn’t thought of that in years. I was in the Oprah audience once. The topic was “Great Moms Getaway. I wansn’t a Great Mom, so I just got to go home.
Alaina Mabaso
November 10, 2011
My black mother-in-law lived through South African apartheid, with all its arrests, violence and cruel disregard of her person-hood. And then her son goes and marries a white woman. From what I’ve heard, MIL relationships are fraught enough. What had I gotten myself into?
When my husband and I stay with his parents, they refer to me and treat me as their own child. When her friends in the neighborhood react with total disbelief when I arrive (they believed I’m some kind of co-worker making a daytime visit or something), My MIL laughs and says I really am her daughter. We cook and do laundry together and bring the men their dinner. I guess the point is that I have a great MIL! I think I’m inspired to write a blog post about her.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
Before I read your last sentence, I was thinking, Write a blog post about her! Hurray.
Amy
November 10, 2011
I like my MIL. She’s crazy, but in a harmless, just laugh it off kind of way.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 10, 2011
Ah, that’s the best kind of crazy.
gojulesgo
November 11, 2011
Ha! Hilarious! I am SO lucky I have great in-laws; I feel like I shouldn’t even play the lottery. It just wouldn’t be fair.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 11, 2011
And I love that you said that!