Eric Swalwell

Way back on July 8, 2022, in that innocent time before Kevin McCarthy truly understood the phrase “eating their young,” Life in the Boomer Lane missed an important headline from the Washington Examiner, “Eric Swalwell (D-CA) is Unfit for Congress and Owes Lauren Boebert An Apology.” Had she been astute enough to see this headline, LBL would have known that she had to drop everything and find out who this guy, Eric Swalwell, was. But she didn’t see the headline and she didn’t know who Eric Swalwell was, and life went on, and LBL continued to focus on writing blog posts and dismissing vegetables as an integral part of her diet.

Last week, Eric Swalwell made news again, and LBL paid attention. This time, it was in Congress, during the latest go-around of the GOP investigation into Hunter Biden’s nefarious actions that were not only worthy of his father’s impeachment, but would prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Trump really won the 2020 election and that he (Trump) was the True Son of God (apologies to those who still cling to the naive belief that Jesus holds that title).

For those of you who have been distracted by the news that ABC has jst announced that there will be a “Golden Bachlorette,” to pay attention to anything else, LBL will bring you up to date. Swalwell sat quietly while a bevy of salivating members of the GOP, smelled red meat. They threw out accusations, disguised as questions, to the Younger Biden. These included, “When did you stop beating your wife?” Matt Gaetz, always in wait for any kind of drug-related conversation, asked Biden “Were you on drugs when you were on the Burisma board?” and “How can I get some?”

While it is totally understandable that Gaetz, himself the subject of alleged drug use, should be curious about Biden’s own drug use, it isn’t as clear that Biden’s drug use could possibly have anything to do with the inquiry. Biden, himself, responded that way.

The questions went on and on with no actual destination, much in the same way that toddlers, when learning to walk, veer in all kinds of directions at once, without doing much of anything except bumping into things and soiling their diapers. When Swalwell had his own time at bat, the following exchange occurred:

SWALWELL: Any time your father was in government, prior to the Presidency or before, did he ever operate a hotel?

BIDEN: No, he has never operated a hotel.

SWALWELL: So he’s never operated a hotel where foreign nationals spent millions at that hotel while he was in office?

BIDEN: No, he has not.

SWALWELL: Did your father ever employ in the Oval Office any direct family member to also work in the Oval Office?

BIDEN: My father has never employed any direct family members, to my knowledge.

SWALWELL: While your father was President, did anyone in the family receive 41 trademarks from China?

BIDEN: No.

SWALWELL: As President and the leader of the party, has your father ever tried to install as the chairperson of the party a daughter-in-law or anyone else in the family?

BIDEN: No. And I don’t think that anyone in my family would be crazy enough to want to be the chairperson of the DNC.

SWALWELL: Has your father ever in his time as an adult been fined $355 million by any State that he worked in?

BIDEN: No, he has not, thank God.

SWALWELL: Anyone in your family ever strike a multibillion dollar deal with the Saudi Government while your father was in office?

BIDEN: No.

SWALWELL: That’s all I’ve got.

And , with that, the latest episode of the GOP version of “Survivor” came to a close. Swalwell left it to the GOP to publicly announce that the Biden inquiry would continue full steam ahead, and that nothing facing the country right now comes anywhere close to this in magnitude. A SpokesCongressHumanoid for the PAC “Making the Inquiry into Hillary Clinton Part of the US Constitution,” said “If another country threatened us with nuclear war, we want the American people to rest assured that all of our military resources would be available to protect the continuance of this inquiry. While Biden isn’t nearly as exciting as Clinton, he does act as a holding place until something better comes along.”

Swalwell, left to his own devices, continued his attention to the minor issues (climate change, the economy, equal rights, corruption in the Trump administration, etc) that keeps the GOP walking on lumpier and lumpier rugs. Russia not being a friend of the US is a favorite of his. He’s been hammering away at this for years and will continue to do so. He’s sort of relentless that way.

Putin was unavailable for comment, but has been reported to have privately said, “I’d like to meet this Swalwell fellow. Maybe sit down with him here in Moscow, explain to him that we truly love the US, then give him a tour of some of our most popular northernmost vacation destinations. I understand that, once people see these, they almost always decide to stay.”

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