Joyce, a close friend of mine who lives in Florida, took a fall a couple days ago. I was visiting my son in Charleston when the phone call came to tell me what had happened. I flew home, packed, turned around and flew to Florida to spend a week helping to take care of her. Her surgery was yesterday. I’m sitting by her bedside, typing this. I’m also observing life in her hospital room.
In addition to Joyce, there is another patient in the room who has had enough phone calls now and has told her story enough times that, should she ever fall asleep, I could answer her phone and be her.
There are three kinds of people who have come into the room while I have been sitting here: medical staff, non-medical staff, and a visitor. The total number of people has been consistent, approximating fire code violation for excessive number of people at any given moment in a space this size.
Medical staff: Doctors, nurses (RNs, LPNs,) nurses aides, respiratory specialists, PT people, people with some kind of medical garb who walk in and look around and walk out.
Non-medical staff: cleaning people, food service people, social workers,delivery people, people who walk into the room by accident, people without medical garb who walk in and look around and walk out.
Visitors: This category has consisted entirely of one extremely decrepit, deaf visitor who came to see Joyce’s roomate. The roommate, having not told her story since the most recent phone call three minutes before, had to fill him in. This elicited a decibel level fron her that would not only have cracked eggs , but would have sent the chickens screaming into the night. But, since deafness seemed to be the lesser of her visitor’s issues, he wasn’t any more educated about his friend’s condition when he was wheeled out than when he was wheeled in.
At no time has anyone, including the visitor, put a roll of toilet paper in the bathroom.
About 30 minutes ago someone came in (medical garb, wheeled medical machinery with lots of dials and lights) to say she would need 15 minutes of Joyce’s time. Time is something Joyce has right now, especially since sleep isn’t a possibility. I took this opportunity to get lunch. I followed the route to to the hospital cafeteria (one elevator, at least nine hallways, two rest stops with mini-marts, one visitor’s center). After lunch, I managed to find my way back to Joyce’s room without the aid of a GPS, although I did make minor wrong turn at one point and was lucky enough to observe open-heart surgery firsthand.
I’m back in Joyce’s room now. I’ll leave around 5 PM and be back tomorrow, in my usual place. I’ll go to the cafeteria again, and will take the same incorrect route back. I understand there will be an elf ear transplant in OR 5.
carldagostino
April 20, 2011
Yes a hospital is nowhere to rest or sleep. When you finally fall asleep they wake you up to take your blood pressure and they are taken aback because it is so high. That is because you are so enraged that they have woken you up to take your blood pressure when you have finally fallen asleep. A few years back my mother was in the hospital and was very ill. Guess who came to visit the other lady. Not A visitor. Not TWO visitors, but at least 3 dozen people who proceeded to hold the church service complete with chorus. I was so enraged(second time but it is not me with the problem, it is the provokers) I went out of the room screaming and the entire floor staff insisted I leave not the blasted church. Can you imagine?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 20, 2011
No, I can’t. I would have retaliated with a mariachi band.
Simone Benedict
April 20, 2011
Ugh, hospitals. I’m sorry to hear about your friend, but am glad she has someone to be with her who cares.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 20, 2011
Thanks, Simone. We all do for each other.
TheIdiotSpeaketh
April 20, 2011
Joyce is lucky to have you as a friend 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
April 21, 2011
Hey, thanks. We all do for each other.
Kathryn McCullough
April 21, 2011
Glad to know the elf procedure has moved into an actual medical facility. The deaf visitor hadn’t had the procedure had he? Oops, I forgot, it’s actually supposed to enhance hearing. My bad.
Hearing fairly well myself,
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
April 21, 2011
You are so bad and so funny.
Lisa
April 21, 2011
Great description of the hospital. I’m sending healing thoughts toward Joyce. You are a great friend.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 21, 2011
Thanks, Lisa. I’ll pass that on to her!
Katybeth
April 21, 2011
Did a roll of toilet paper ever find its way into the bathroom?
Hope your friend is up at at it soon.
♥
lifeintheboomerlane
April 21, 2011
Thanks, Katybeth. I’m going to riot for toilet paper tomorrow.
Dana
April 21, 2011
Sorry to hear that your friend is in the hospital. Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 22, 2011
Thanks, Dana!
deliriouslydivine
April 21, 2011
What a wonderful friend you are. And, what an apt description of hospital life.. once spent 8 days sitting w/ my ex-husband and got an earful for sure.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 21, 2011
There’s more traffic here than on the beltway around DC. And you hear EVERYTHING.
writerwoman61
April 21, 2011
What…no McDreamy?
Glad you’re there for Joyce at least…enduring all that alone would be horrible!
Love your last line…thanks for my morning giggle!
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
April 21, 2011
Thanks, Wendy. Goodness knows what I’ll discover on my trip to the cafeteria today.
1959duke
April 21, 2011
I was blessed that when I had my recent spinal fusion surgery I was at a place that specializes in nothing but those kinds of procedures. I had my own room that was bigger than my bedroom at home.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 21, 2011
You were lucky about the single room. I had a single room after my spinal surgery. But, given that I was basically unconscious for eight days, I could have had an entire brass band in the bed next to me (or in the bed with me) and I would have been oblivious.
1959duke
April 21, 2011
At first the idea of going to a place like this made me feel more secure when I got there. In the end because they specialize in these things they caught something the moment it happened and stopped to figure out why.
omawarisan
April 21, 2011
Auugh hospital cafeteria food. I think they use that to drive visitors out.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 21, 2011
It was truly horrible. I was watching the doctors scarfing it down. Amazing.
TexasTrailerParkTrash
April 21, 2011
What a good friend you are! When I was in the hospital after my hysterctomy, there was a big sign on the wall behind my bed that said “Spinal morphine.” Either it was there to remind the nurses what I was getting, or they were advertising it for any addicts who might wander into my room looking for a fix.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 22, 2011
I think that’s the opening band for Spinal Tap.
TexasTrailerParkTrash
April 22, 2011
I see I left the “e” out of hysterectomy. I blame it on the drugs.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 22, 2011
Lucky for you, I can’t spell, so I didn’t notice. Can I blame my disability on drugs?
David Dierking
April 22, 2011
Quite the photograph!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 22, 2011
Nurses cavorting!
Amanda Hoving
April 22, 2011
Hope your friend has a speedy recovery. Safe travels to you!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 22, 2011
Thanks, Amanda. We’re hoping she gets released from captivity today.
merrilymarylee
April 22, 2011
You’re a good friend. EVERYONE needs someone in their hospital room to run interference these days.
Remember when nurses did it all… ? Now there is a parade of people who are trained to do one thing only. Sounds like no one has been hired for the toilet paper position.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 22, 2011
When I had my knee replacement it was totally like that. One person came in and plunked a large machine on the floor at the foot of the bed. He didn’t speak English. The machine sat there until the day before I was released when someone asked, “Why aren’t you using the massage machine? It would have helped you so much with pain and sleeping.”
Tori Nelson
April 22, 2011
You WIN friendship. Five minutes in a hospital is enough for me to abandon my mom 😦
lifeintheboomerlane
April 22, 2011
Thanks. But I have already told Joyce: 1. NO bathing her. 2. NO ANYTHING ELSE that occurs in a bathroom. I’m best at getting ice and snacks, talking anyone into a deep sleep, and giving fashion advice on how to tie hospital garb. The Patient is home now, napping, so we are over the worst of it.
Lunar Euphoria
April 22, 2011
Gosh, you travel all over the place!
I really enjoy your blogs. 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
April 22, 2011
Thanks so much! I’ll be in London for all of July. My goal is to be home for all of May and June!!!
SisterMerryHellish
April 22, 2011
Many a happy and healing thought to your friend! She’s damn lucky to have you, and you her I’m sure.
Also, is she staying at Smurf Memorial Hospital? What’s with the blue legs on the staff in the picture!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 22, 2011
Hey thanks. Smurf Memorial would be far more exciting than this. The photo said something about clogs, but I never even noticed those.
Sandra
April 22, 2011
Elf ear transplant…still laughing.
You’re such a good friend to Joyce. I work in a hospital and most of the time I don’t want to be there. I give you so much credit for staying with Joyce…I hope the cafeteria at least has good french fries and gravy!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 22, 2011
The cafeteria was yucky! But really, I had my netbook with me and spent most of my time when she was sleeping being in Blogworld. At least Now Husband Dan wasn’t asking “Oh, are we blogging again?” And when Joyce was awake, I just sat there and blabbed about whatever I wanted. It’s great having a captive audience.
planejaner
April 23, 2011
did you have time, while you were there, to conceive a love child with someone else’s husband and have an affair and get your hair and nails done “just so” and get your clothes pressed to look excellent, like they do in “real life” greys?
🙂
hope you are well, well rested, and home.
Joyce is lucky to have such a wonderful friend.
blessings
jane
lifeintheboomerlane
April 25, 2011
I ended up performing experimental surgery on the chief of staff when the rest of the doctors were all comatose due to an epidemic of flatulence. I saved his life and never had to change out of my cute outfit. I probably will have a love child but won’t know it until I am having contractions. thanks for asking.
The Good Greatsby
April 23, 2011
If you can convince Joyce to have the elf ear surgery done while she’s in the hospital, I’m sure you can turn it into a great post.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 23, 2011
I have suggested this to joyce and her answer was “This man has such an intuitive understanding of what makes great literature. Tell him to elf his own f-ing ears.”
The Good Greatsby
April 25, 2011
I was expecting you to pitch the surgery to Joyce while she was on painkillers and up for anything, but it sounds like she was pretty lucid.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 25, 2011
I missed the moment.
izziedarling
April 24, 2011
Hey Renee! You are good. Joyce is lucky to have you. Don’t eat cafeteria food – it will kill you.
izziedarling
April 24, 2011
It’s me again. Forgot to mention I just got back from Charleston (first time). Charmarama! Am ordering 2nd pr of shoes from Charleston Shoe Co. to spruce up my walk to the Poor Farm.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 25, 2011
Charleston is a great city. And one must be fashionable at all times, no matter the circumstances. Have you been away or did my subscribe go bye-bye?
territerri
April 25, 2011
I know of which you speak! I spent some time as a patient in a hospital once (not including my maternity stays. I was too oblivious with the joy of new motherhood to notice all the dumb shit that goes on.)
What struck me most was the fact that I always thought a hospital was a place where one could rest and be taken care of. I’ve never had less sleep than when I was in the hospital. And who thought it was a good idea to give a sick patient a room mate? Mine spent all hours of the day and night on her phone, complaining and crying. When she got a phone call from someone telling her that someone she was close to had been murdered in some sort of shady situation, I decided it was time to check myself out!
Maybe I should have taken a walk and observed an amputation or something!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 25, 2011
Someday I’ll write a post about my hospital experience when I had my knee replacement. It was surreal.
1959duke
April 27, 2011
Do that it will be interesting. I have been so blessed. Other than the problem during surgery in which I lost motor fuction in my left shoulder and arm briefly I really couldn’t have asked for it to have gone much better.The next big day is May 17th. Their will be the talk over taking off the collar.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 27, 2011
I’m so happy to hear that, Duke!