Stormy, Stormier, Stormiest

In the interest of edification, enlightenment and entertainment, if not exorcism,  Life in the Boomer Lane has arranged for a three-way Facetime interview with Stormy Daniels, Anatastia Vashukevich, and herself.  And so, with no further fanfare, let us begin:
LBL: Ms Vashukevich, may I call you Anastasia?  Thanks so much for agreeing to this interview.
A: Please to dump the Anastasia. I go by “Stormy.” So much easier. And what is with this interview stuff?  I think you are coming to me for sex training.  

Ah, no.  I’m sorry for the confusion. I have a blog, and this is an interview for that. And, I believe Stormy Daniels, who is seated here, has already taken the name “Stormy.”

Seriously?  I have never hear of you or of her. Must be a really small blog and she must be not very famous. I, on other hand, am world-famous and at only twenty-one years.  You can be, too.  Famous, not twenty-one years. I can help anyone, even old person like you.  I am train you, like for example, on giving blow job.  You look like you need it. It changes your life.

I’ll have to pass on that. First off, can you tell me why you are offering to spill the beans now on Trump’s connection to Russia?

Sure. I’m in Thai jail now, in case you can not notice. Look around with your eyeballs. I cannot get even decent ceiling mirrors in my cell. This is grim. They offer me shackles, but they have something other than rough sex in their heads. I decline. 

S: Can I step in here?  Anastasia, I–

Call me Stormy, bitch.

You can’t just take my name. Seriously. I already have one lawsuit going. I’ll happily add one against you to the pile.  Anyway, how do we know that you are legit?  Maybe your info isn’t real. or maybe it’s not quite what you say.  I’m the real deal, on the other hand.  Did anyone ever pay you $130K hush money?

You are major bitch, for sure. You want to be Stormy?  Take it.  Call me Stormier. Better anyway. I am real, I am real. Want me to describe Red’s private parts?

Who is Red?

Oleg.  Oleg Deripaska.  I call him Red and he calls me something I cannot say out loud.  Is really hot name.  He is total big deal guy in Russia. I have a lot of hours of him talking spy stuff, you know, about messing with American election. 

Oleg is a buddy of Paul Manafort, right?

Oh God, Manafort. A real slug.   He is never paying me for my sex coaching. Is skipping out on the bill all the time.

Really?

You bet. And that is after I spend extra time with him after class. The man cannot get a date to save his life when I first meet him. Fifteen minutes into class, I  see why. Talk about no technique. Is like teaching dancing to a dead siliotka.  You know, herring. 

Anas–, I mean Stormier, did any of the men you “trained,” tell you that you reminded them of their daughters?  I’m thinking not.   I, on the other hand, am classy enough to have been told that by the man who would become the leader of the free world. 

Low blow, Ho.  Hey, I just make a pun.  And you believe him, right?  Like he is such a truth teller. Sad.  Not to worry, Stormier has the goods on him. Just get me out of here.

I’m getting annoyed.  I don’t have to take this crap. I’m an actress, a producer, a director, and a legend in the adult film entertainment industry. You are a whatever-you-call-yourself.

Sex trainer. Is an actual profession, is making up by me.  I know the best, the richest, the most power guys around. Beside Red, I mean Oleg Deripaska, there is Deputy Prime Minister Sergey Prikhodko. And also Assistant Deputy Comptroller Ivan Chechnechnikov, Minister of Refuse Vladimirevitch Silpakinovetski, All-Union Communist party Undersecretary Iliochnikov Popinovyastrzhembsky. 

Are there actual words and names in there?  I can’t understand what the hell she is saying. 

Slut. You are with men called “Donald.” What is that?  That is a name?  Is not a name.  Is a Duck.  Men are all ducks in US?

I’m not doing this anymore.  I have to meet with my attorney.  Things are heating up fast.  Who would have predicted that one more forgettable series of rolls in the hay would end up being such a big deal for the entire country?  Maybe I should consider a political career, myself. What do you think?   

I think this interview is over, Stormy and Stormier.

About time.  I have one schedule with US Magazine right about now.  Do not slam door on way out.  Ha ha, I make a good joke. Hey, if you ever want that blow job teaching, I am your girl. 

Thanks, Stormier. Another time.