The Person Whisperer

Posted on May 7, 2011



I’ve been sick for the past few days.  My vocalizations have become quite unique.  If Donald Trump’s hair could talk, this is the voice it would have.  I do a lot of whispering, so as to protect pregnant women and small children.  Here’s what I discovered: Whisper, and the world whispers with you.  Reveal your true voice, and large dogs bite your kneecaps. 

I had a settlement yesterday.  I asked the lawyer a question, and he whispered his answer.  Then he said, “Wait a minute.  I don’t have to whisper!”  I whispered, “That’s right.  You don’t.” Whereupon he continued to whisper. It was a long, and ultimately confusing settlement. The sellers still don’t know what happened. 

Yesterday, all of my children called to wish me a Happy Birthday.  I whispered to all of them.  Two whispered back.  One hung up, thinking we had a bad connection.  I’ll have the same thing to look forward to on Sunday, when they call me for Mothers Day. 

Today I went to the pharmacy to fill my prescription.  I handed it to the pharmacist and whispered “How long will that be?”  She whispered back, “Oh you poor thing.  Fifteen minutes. I hope you feel better soon.”

  For her sake and others,  I hope I do.

Posted in: humor, illness, life, satire