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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All Posts filed under »satire as news«
Fighting Terrorism With A Cheeseburger and Fries
August 24, 2012
A recent concern to the US military has been the rising number of “insider” attacks on our troops, specifically coming from Afghan police and soldiers. Marine Gen. John R. Allen, the top US commander in Afghanistan, speaking to reporters at the Pentagon from his headquarters in Kabul, said the reasons behind the attacks are not […]
My Brain is Akin From This Stuff
August 22, 2012
It’s tough to know which is of more concern at the moment, the fact that at least two elected officials have no knowledge of a woman’s anatomy, or that Mattel has created Drag Queen Barbie. Rep Todd Akin, a Republican Senator from Missouri, in a statement that set knowledge of human reproduction back about 50,000 […]
Obamacare, and the Right to Order Extra Cheese
August 8, 2012
While most of the general population of the country has been occupied with the Mars landing, the Olympics, the longest presidential run in history, and learning to do the steps to the pasa doble, a disaster has been in the making. Papa Johns, the third largest pizza takeout and delivery company in the country, has been […]
Maidenform and the Maiden
July 26, 2012
In a revolutionary discovery that is rewriting virtually everything we know about history except for the reason for the new TV reality show “Honey Boo Boo,” the University of Innsbruck said Wednesday that archeologists found four linen bras dating from the Middle Ages in an Austrian castle. It was not explained what archeologists were doing […]
Tom Cruise Has Nothing to Do With This
July 20, 2012
An astute friend, who we will call “Ana,” in homage to Speaker7’s series of brilliant takeoffs on the 50 Shades of Grey books, has alerted Life in the Boomer Lane to the imminent resolution of all of our problems. In case you have been fretting about climate change, being upside down on your mortgage, or running out […]
Global Shvitzing
July 10, 2012
(A certain amount of the following information came from The Huffington Post article titled, “Burning Up.” All quotes from NOAA, and Ann Coulter are true. All other quotes have been created by the blogger’s brain synapses, over which she has little control.) A new report finds that the past 12 months have been the warmest […]
Really Important Stuff That Happened When I Was Gone
June 20, 2012
Because the sum total of the money I have made from blogging approximates that of the current Greek GNP, and because I like to engage in frivolous activities like paying the mortgage, I decided to focus on my real estate career for a while, instead of on my keyboard. Stepping back from blogging for a […]
Wife Swap: Things I Wish I Didn’t Know
May 22, 2012
Editor’s note: The act of blogging follows a consistent path. There is the coming up of ideas; the writing of ideas; the hiding under the table while one weeps; the drinking of coffee laced with rum; the self-loathing followed by self-congratulating and then more self-loathing; the watching of TV; the shaking of the fist at […]
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A Short Phone Conversation Between Mitt Romney and the IRS
September 26, 2012
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This is the IRS, where our motto is “We will hold off your death, until you have paid your taxes.” Uh, hi. Hey, are you aware that I have been on hold for about two hours? I would ask you what your point was but it wouldn’t matter. How can I help you? Uh, yeah, […]