
(ringing phone)
Melania: Hello?
Ivana (growly voice): Is Donald there, please? I am a representative of some country.
I know it’s you, Ivana.
It’s not me. It’s someone else.
Ivana, you’ve tried this before. And Donald isn’t here. He’s on the golf course.
Which one?
I’m not telling you. And you need to stop calling. I’m First Lady now. You had your chance.
You are Third Lady. I’m First Lady. Donald calls me all the time to ask my advice.
Ivana, Donald asks a lot of people for advice: He doesn’t follow anyone’s advice, anyway.
I told him to challenge Tillerson to an IQ test. He did it.
That might not have been a good piece of advice, Ivana.
You don’t think Donald is smart?
Believing that Donald has an extraordinarily high IQ is part of my prenup.
I told him to keep Tweeting. His Tweets are way fun to read. Do you like his Tweets?
Ivana, I have no option about Donald’s Tweets. Opinions about Donald’s Tweeting aren’t allowed in my prenup.
What are you allowed to have an opinion on, where Donald is concerned?
My lawyers are working on that. So far, they haven’t found anything. It’s a pretty solid prenup.
I told Donald to build a wall. I am First Wall Builder.
I think Bannon told him that. And there’s no Wall.
I told him to repeal and replace Obamacare. I am First Health Care Destroyer.
Yeah. That’s not going so well.
I designed the Red Baseball Caps. I am First Baseball Cap Designer.
I think that was Kellyanne Conway.
I told Donald to declare war on North Korea.
I think he heard that on Fox & Friends.
I raised all of our children. Donald did nothing. If I can’t be First Lady, I can be First Mother.
I have Barron. And Marla Maples has that other one with the eyes who shows up sometimes. And who knows how many other kids he has, out there? So you aren’t even First Mother.
I’m going to advise him to divert all resources from Puerto Rico, in order to help all the people in Sonoma whose wine cellars are being ruined by the wildfires.
I think he’s already considering this, now that Puerto Rico has paper towels.
I have a hot lover who is twenty-six years old. What do you have?
apparently, only a prenup. I’m hanging up now, Ivana.
My prenup is way better than your pre-nup. I’m First Prenup.
I’m hanging up now, Ivana.
Shelley
October 10, 2017
Oh my–the Trumps provide so much material, and you know EXACTLY how to use it. Thanks for today’s laugh!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2017
You are welcome, Shelley. Yes, the Trumps are good for my nlog and terrible for my mental health.
Kate Crimmins
October 10, 2017
Hilarious! It’s probably not that far from the truth.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2017
Thanks, Kate. They make the Kardashians look like sane, deep thinkers.
Chris White
October 10, 2017
What a fabulous and funny post. Strangely or maybe not strangely, I live almost next door to the Trump Turnberry Hotel in Scotland. Various Trumps visit here quite often.
DebOL
October 10, 2017
Chris White: How lovely for you to see various Trumps up close so often! Please feel free to keep them there 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2017
They live in my brain 24/7. I can’t get rid of them. Maybe a lobotomy?
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2017
My condolences.
Widdershins
October 10, 2017
Brilliant! 😀
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2017
Ah, thanks. And thanks for visiting my alternate universe.
Chris White
October 11, 2017
Oh it’s not so bad. I don’t get to see them up close. Just through the lens of my range-finder. (Just kidding!!)
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2017
Funny, Chris. Ah, the mystery of women who love a man who only loves himself….
aginggracefullymyass
October 11, 2017
I thought Ivanka was the First Lady…!!! Could they do a 3-way please?
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2017
The thought of that makes me queasy.