Let’s face it, the biological imperative of our species is to survive. And research has shown us that survival pretty much comes down to the male of the species choosing a female of the species and implanting his seed. So it’s the male’s job to find a female who is fertile. Period. He is aided by three physical cues: Facial symmetry, which historically indicated good health. Waist-to-hip ratio, which indicated optimal ability to bear children. And childlike features (full lips, large eyes, smooth skin) which indicated youth.
We might not be running across the savannah anymore, chasing down the neighborhood mastodon, but there’s been enough research over the years to make a compelling case for facial symmetry, waist-to-hip ratio, and childlike features as forming the foundation for what we now refer to as “beauty.”
Across cultures, across nationalities, across the eons, you can measure facial features for symmetry and bingo, the parameters are exactly the same. From Cleopatra to Angelina Jolie to Nefertiti to Helen of Troy to the countless “great beauties” across Africa, Asia, Europe and the Americas, faces and bodies followed the pattern.
Men fall into the facial symmetry mold as well. John Wilkes Booth, aside from his talent at killing a beloved president, was the Brad Pitt of his day. Set them side to side (Booth and Pitt, not Booth and Lincoln), and their facial symmetry will be the same. But, while the definition of “beauty” might be the same for both sexes, men are usually on their own, once they have left the starting gate of life. The looks they have been dealt, for good or for bad, are pretty much the looks they will take with them to the finish line.
In male-dominated societies throughout history, women gained power by being attached to successful men. Beauty assured a better choice of mate. The importance of being attractive was passed down from mother to daughter across the centuries, in the age-old quest to “make a good match.” The result is that to this day, the value of good looks remains stronger for women than for men.
As women, we can think back to our early childhood. Chances are, we didn’t escape without, at the very least, a bow tied in our hair every once in a while. Others of us endured home permanents, tight braids, having our ears pierced, or wearing ruffled dresses when we would have rather been wearing jeans. We might have played with our mom’s make up or tried on her shoes or watched an older sister get ready to go out on a date. And, at some point, we probably became aware of people looking at us and cooing “What a pretty little girl!” Whatever our background, and however we ultimately turned out, it’s likely that at least one of these things happened to us.
As young as elementary school age, we noticed the “pretty” people out in the world, the actresses in movies, the singers on TV, the models in the pages of magazines, maybe even other family members. It didn’t take long for most of us to want to be one of the “pretty” people.
As simple and innocent as our world may have seemed back then, without the internet and the media bombarding us on a daily basis, we were still, as women-in-the-making, subject to the expectations that society set for us. And one of the expectations was that we should be “pretty.” We were, without even realizing it, setting ourselves up against an impossible standard.
Next up: Breasts vs Brains
cindyricksgers
May 28, 2012
A good synopsis of what we’re dealing with, and why. I’m so happy that you’re going into this in serious detail. I think it’s on many of our minds lately…certainly there have been several blogs – including one of my own – that talk about looks, aging, loss of status and respect that go along with the loss of looks, etc…I knew you’d be able to pull it all together into a cohesive whole. I’m looking forward to “Breasts vs. Brains”. Thank you!
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Thanks, Cindy. As we continue to age in a culture that places more and more emphasis on youth and beauty, these issues will, unfortunately, continue to be relevant.
Kathryn McCullough
May 28, 2012
Gosh, I’m looking forward to more of this–just as I’ve turned 50 and lost both looks and brains. God knows, I can’t remember a damn thing anymore. Great post, Renee. Happy Memorial Day, my friend!
Hugs,
Kathy
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
It was a good, relatively quiet, humid-beyond-belief weekend. My hair has turned into fuzz.
Leiza Duckworth
May 28, 2012
Why are the women of the world relegated to what is paramount to a form of prostitution?Our abilities predicated on health,and beauty!”Not withstand,I’ve been a beauty queen(Miss Los Angeles World 82′),a model,an actress,and a pin-up girl!I knew from a very young age what boys were all about,but being a Tommy Boy,I fought to prove I could hold my own,as a ball player,and physical competitor!As I realized,dates don’t come easy,I attended Barbizon Modeling School,sang,and acted my heart out to get street cred.But it was men who trained me,and women who sustained me!”Today,I am a force to be reckoned with!” Women will survive,but will men?LOL
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Your own experiences have taught you that we are capable of operating in more than one dimension. I find it sad that with so many opportunities available to women now, there are still young women who are obsessed with their appearance, to the exclusion of all else.
K.L.Richardson
May 28, 2012
I raised my darling grand daughter who was born deaf. She was (and is) a pretty child, but more importantly she is an incredibly smart child. As often happens with deaf children, I was, as her mom, the interpreter for random strangers who wanted to connect in some way to her. Invariably, they wanted to know how to sign “you’re very pretty”. At first I would show them the sign, but it rankled that was what people wanted to convey. Yes she was but that wasn’t the sum total of Sarah. So I started showing people the sign for “you’re very clever/smart”. I don’t think it is a coincidence that next week she is graduating college with honors, job offers and graduate school this fall.
P.S. Does it show that I am proud of her…lol!
k8edid
May 28, 2012
Nice work, Grandma. You should be proud. You were very clever/smart to have strangers comment on something besides her looks. I tell my grandchildren that they are beautiful – to me they are – but I tell them they are smart and talented, as well. The girls are very much girly girls – but they can camp and fish with the best of them. My lone grandson (with his gorgeous blue eyes and copper hair) will cook and craft with the ladies, too.
As an older woman in the work force – I can tell you that I feel I am relegated to the non-glamourous positions – those that require expertise, management, hard-work and behind the scenes maneuvering. Most days I am okay with that.
Very few of the “beautiful” people I have know through the years had much “substance” (and I realize I am generalizing, but this has been my experience) and many suffered great moral deficiencies. And those people who are so vain that they can barely function because they are so worried about their hair, makeup, nails and clothes are tiresome to be around.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Great points. Ultimately, even the most beautiful people will experience the effects of the normal aging process. And with little else in the way of vision, passion, and committment in their lives, the loss of looks could be overwhelming.
K.L.Richardson
May 29, 2012
Thank you, k8edid!
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
That’s a wonderful story, and a great lesson for everyone. Many congrats to both of you, Grandma!
K.L.Richardson
May 29, 2012
Thank you, Renee!
Mike Beaumont
May 28, 2012
Renee, as a current member of the other side of the coin, as it were, I would like to say “Bravo”. I am not one to forgo beauty, but today’s version of beauty is so wrongly influenced by magazines and photos that have been so doctored up with airbrushing and photoshop wizards that the true concept of beauty has been lost. And if my opinion were to count for anything, even the models that I see on the runways and such are ‘ugly’. They are nothing short of walking skeletons, which is it any wonder why there are so many cases of eating disorders amongst women today? Let’s get some real women out there, with full curves and no ribcages showing, to show what real beauty is, not some airbrushed wondergirl. I am far from being any prize rooster myself, but I am happy with how I am, and if others don’t like it they can go to hell. I don’t live my life for others but my wife. I work out to try to stay in shape, but at 57 it gets harder everyday. I would rather be with a woman that is comfortable in her own skin, that knows how to think for herself, than any number of prize winning beauties that are what I would call “high maintenance bitches”. Sorry if I offend the real beauties out there. But I have found that the narcissistic ones (both guys and gals) are usually hard to deal with.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Bravo to you for this, Mike. Our culture occassionally rants about the anorexic model of beauty we have created, but not a day goes by that these women aren’t touted as beautiful in the media. As the gap between the haves and have nots widens, the gap between real women and “beautiful” stick figures widens.
Tisha Clinkenbeard
May 28, 2012
Reblogged this on The big picture view for Tisha.
speaker7
May 28, 2012
My beauty is my scowl. It’s very ah……..
My species is not going to move on is it?
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Your species is doomed for many reasons, 7.
chlost
May 28, 2012
As we are no longer hunters and gatherers, perhaps the species will best survive based upon the brains of the women and men rather then the “beauty”. It takes a smart man to recognize that a smart woman will be the best parent of their children, and it takes a smart woman to acknowledge that her brains are her strongest asset, no matter her “beauty”.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
I always say that if this sorry world is to survive, it will be through the empowerment of women. Women are the planet’s #1 underutilized resource.
nrhatch
May 28, 2012
Good overview, Renee.
This is one of my favorite beauty videos:
http://nrhatch.wordpress.com/2010/07/15/137-steps-to-flawless-perfection/
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Thanks, Nancy. I’ve seen that video. It’s an eye-opener, for sure.
Claire Takacs
May 29, 2012
When I was 10 I was a junior bridesmaid in a wedding party. The hair styles of that era involved lots of curling, bobby pins and hairspray and I found it very painful. I remember one of the senior bridesmaids telling me that “You have to suffer to be beautiful.” and I decided bugger it – no way. I’d rather be me and forgo the pain. I refuse to infuse my hair with chemicals, to use facial immobilisers, to implant foreign objects into my body etc etc and I can still pick up at 52 – often younger men.
I have found that the best men, and the ones worth knowing prefer a women with brains and personality rather that just looks. Even in a casual sexual relationship, men still like someone they can have an intelligent conversation with.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Absolutely. I can’t imagine any woman who would choose a man who valued looks over all else. Do those women believe they are immune to the aging process?
Carl D'Agostino
May 29, 2012
As I got older I found that women with an education, profession and an artistic ability were a lot prettier than I used to think.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Carl, I adore that statement and the man who made it.
Brigitte
May 29, 2012
Aging gracefully, especially in today’s standards, is a difficult feat. I think (and hope) the older a woman becomes, the more confident she is thereby becoming more attractive. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway. :). The pictures we see of women in the media, magazines, etc. are fall less “obtainable” than those representations 20 years ago. Great post.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Thanks, Brigitte. Yes, technology has created representations of women that bear no resemblance to reality. No matter how hard one tries, one can never compete with Photoshop.
Tori Nelson
May 29, 2012
Are you telling me those skinny jeans aren’t crucial to saving womankind? What a waste of ankle circulation 🙂 I am crazy first, a little smart second, and I’m pretty sure that “pretty” doesn’t really make the list. I hate that looks are deemed so important.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Actually, now that I have finally joined the pack and purchased skinny jeans, I can say that they are crucial to both world peace and ending hunger. You, my dear, are indeed, crazy first, very smart second, and HOT, third.
pegoleg
May 29, 2012
Excellent post, Renee. I read that women evolved to live longer than men because grandmothers had value to the tribe for cooking and helping with children. Men were useless once they could not hunt. So maybe Nature is trying to make up for that whole doe-eyed thing on the back end of life?
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Truly something to consider.
Carol Rives
May 29, 2012
This is an excellent series, and being the mother of two teenage daughters… it provides much food for thought. I look back over my very own childhood and teenage years and reflect on my own self-esteem and appearance, and remember how and when it all changed. Honesly, with all the media air-brushing going on, I would hate to be growing up in today’s society. Being a middle-aged Mama, with a mind of my own…. ROCKS!
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Ditto. I wouldn’t want to be a tenn again and set myself up against computer-generated beauty. Ugh.
Go Jules Go
May 29, 2012
So glad this series of posts has begun – and an excellent start! I really do believe in the basic nature of humans to judge people based on looks as you said, and I also don’t know that things would be that much different without modern-day societal pressures. In thinking about people who live in remote villages/tribes, there’s still an emphasis on appearance, if in a different way. Of course men are still looking for child-bearing hips and health and all that, but there’s also piercings and body paint, etc. I just don’t know that there’s a way around humans wanting to look a certain way, even if it’s not about looking ‘pretty.’
Er…bring on the body paint?
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 29, 2012
Yes, societies all over the planet place an emphasis on beauty, especially female beauty. But I do think we have that extra layer of forcing women to an ideal that doesn’t even exist and also requiring women to look youthful. At least in tribal societies, older females have important roles that have nothing to do with perky boobs.
bestbathroombooks
May 29, 2012
Good topic. I wrote Beauty is a Beast along these same lines of beautyism. It is, as you say, a means of survival and a trait that humans possess. It simply is, and the trick for our daughters is valuing their intellect–and making it obvious.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 31, 2012
Yes, so true. While I’ve done that with my daughter, I am guilty of making dispariging remarks about myslef to her. She will always call attention to that.
Snoring Dog Studio
May 29, 2012
And what’s the answer to this ongoing situation? That’s a question for all your readers. Frankly, I don’t see this changing and, in fact, in the last 5 years it all seems to have gotten worse. And a great deal of it is the fault of girls and women. We buy fashion magazines and we constantly talk about being on a diet and we buy the godawful, “sexy” clothes that show off cleavage. We support Disney movies that show mermaids with cute faces, boobs and slim bodies. We focus the light on our attributes every bit as much as men do. Yet, we have the power to shine the light onto things that matter so much more. We can do this if we’re willing to walk away from the superficial and society’s crazy notions of what beauty is.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 31, 2012
Great comment. I don’t think we will ever get away from that entirely. But we can, as you said, focus the light on what matters more than the superficial. Goodness knows, the world needs that right now.
She's a Maineiac
May 30, 2012
Well done, Renee. This stuff is weighing heavily on my mind now that my daughter is growing up and asking me if she’s pretty all the time. I try to emphasize other things with her, of course, but it’s still a constant issue in our society.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 31, 2012
So many of us struggle with that, since the messages from our culture are so overwhelming.