Gas Prices and Mickey Mouse

As the Cult of the GOP valiantly ignores the ongoing January 6 hearings, its disciples are agreed that all people really care about are gas prices and inflation. This surprised Life in the Boomer Lane. Surely, all these God-created folks scattered around the country must be getting hopped up about more topics than this. For example, what about The Wall? Does nobody care about that anymore? What about Hillary Clinton and Benghazi? Jews using lasers? Anything woke? In the interest of serving her Loyal Readers, LBL decided to do some digging.

Texas Republicans lead the world in their creation of a time machine that takes one back to flat-earth days. On Saturday they approved measures declaring that President Joe Biden “was not legitimately elected” and rebuking Sen. John Cornyn for taking part in bipartisan gun talks. They also voted on a platform that declares homosexuality “an abnormal lifestyle choice” and calls for Texas schoolchildren “to learn about the humanity of the preborn child.” Other measures included renaming the state to the Independent Republic of Texas, declaring that weapons of mass destruction be included in the same category as handguns and rifles, and adopting a new slogan “Our Hats and Our Guns and Our Private Parts are Really Really Big.”

Ron DeSantis, the esteemed governor of Florida, is in a personal crusade against Critical Race Theory and Disney World. “I knew from the first moment that, as a young child, I saw the color of Mickey Mouse’s skin, that Walt Disney was up to no good. He turned the mouse into an icon, luring little kids into a web of lies. It’s my job now to set the record straight, about all the ways Disney is undermining our God-given right to be superior to all those other folks, and you know who you are.”

Mississippi has the distinction of being the 49th state out of 50 in the area of economic well-being, healthcare, education and social services. They are only marginally better off than the state of Haiti. Mississippi is a shall-issue, permitless carry state with concealed weapons permits issued at the state level by the Department of Public Safety. There is no permit, background check or firearms registration required when buying a handgun from a private individual. A recent survey of Mississippians revealed that gas prices were second to concerns about the dissolution of the Second Amendment. “If I don’t have the right to keep guns in my car, I don’t want to drive. Guns first, then affordable gas.” was a sentiment heard over and over.

The flag of the state of Wyoming consists of the silhouette of an American bison. The red color on the flag symbolizes the Native Americans and the blood of pioneers who gave their lives to get rid of them, as well as the bison that the Native Americans depended on. Many residents of Wyoming believe the flag should be just white, symbolizing the people who control the state. “Indians and buffalo are old news. It’s time to turn our attention toward getting rid of Liz Cheney.”

So, beyond gun rights and women’s no rights, what do the GOP cultists get their knickers in a twist about? LBL has dug deep about this one. Some hot bed issues are 1. a looming bacon shortage 2. fear of sperm donors from other countries, resulting in the babies not speaking English 3. Great Replacement Theory 4. anger over the US giving money to places that nobody knows where they are or can’t pronounce or don’t know how to speak American 5. our electoral process that can result in a Democratic win 6. the inequality of taxing rich people 7. anything having to do with a person’s right to determine their gender or sexual preference 8. anti-racist babies 9. ANTIFA/BLM/SPLC/ACLU/MLK/AOC/SNL/SPF/PTA 10. books that mention people of color or social injustice or discrimination or inequity or climate change or anything sexual or biological or logical or hint that the US isn’t #1 in every way oh yes uh huh for sure.