Tareq Salahi to Run for Governor of Virginia

Just when you thought it would be safe to turn on your TV after news of Newt Gingrich quitting the U.S. Republican presidential contest, Tareq Salahi has announced that he will be running for Virginia governor.

Some of you may remember Salahi from November 2009, when he managed to sashay past White House security with his wife Michaele on his arm and into a State Dinner with president and Mrs Obama.    After news sources uncovered the event,  Michaele  joined the Real Housewives of DC cast, and then subsequently disappeared.  Salahi contacted the Warren County Sheriff’s Office.  He told the sherrif’s office that he became alarmed when Michaele called him from an Oregon area code.

“I’m pretty sure my wife has never heard of Oregon,” Salahi is reported to have told the Deputy’s office.

Deputy Mike Glavis followed up by contacting Michaele, who said that she did not want her husband to be made aware of her whereabouts but assured the deputy that she was safe in the arms of “an 80s rocker.”  A search for 80s rockers still possessing arms, turned up Neal Schoen of the band Journey.

Salahi’s life continued to go downhill.  According to Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli,  Salahi’s wine tour business canceled tours, failed to make promised stops and refused to provide refunds. Salahi was also fined $2,500, by Cuccinelli,  for a scam involving a charitable trust he founded. His now-defunct Journey for the Cure Foundation has been fined $32,500.

Several people who had raised thousands of dollars for Salahi’s “Journey for the Cure” weren’t sure exactly what the cure was for and where the journey was supposed to go. They said they were lured by claims that it was a “non-profit charitable foundation supporting children-related charities.”  The charity website featured images of wine, grapes and vineyards on the homepage, and this was appealing to them as well.

Salahi told The Post Wednesday that he will run, as a Republican, to avenge the recent lawsuit brought against him by Cuccinelli, who is, coincidently, a Virginia GOP gubernatorial hopeful.

“Running for governor is the perfect way to get back at that SOB (Cuccinelli),”  Salahi said.  This is what sets us apart from the rest of the world and makes us so special.  Only in our system of government, can a man like me represent a state that produced some of the greatest statesmen in history.   When asked to name one of those people, Salahi declined to comment but believed a picture of at least one of them was on some money he had.

Michaele  Salahi and Neal Schoen have declined to comment on Salahi’s bid for governor. They are not only still going strong, but, as of this month, they are planning to marry. Schoen, in an attempt to repair his damaged reputation, said on a radio show “I never sent Tareq a picture of my penis, and I didn’t call him on the phone to tell him I was f**king his wife either.  I’ve always taken care of situations like this behind closed doors, and this is the first time in the last five months that I have been in the media … so it’s hard.  But Tareq chose to put it out there.”

Salahi, when told of the statement, angrily disagreed.  “That seals the deal,” he said. “First I’m going to be governor of Virginia, and I’m gonna kick Cucchinelli’s butt.  Then I’m going to run for governor of California and kick Schoen’s butt.”