Elise Testone

Posted on February 27, 2012


Now that the Academy Awards have ended, and I can surgically suction my eyeballs from the TV screen, you’d think my life would be exceptionally quiet, reverting back to the highlight of each week being trash/recycling night. Not so.  A second event will be bringing Hollywood right into my family room, this time in the form of ELISE TESTONE.

Elise has just been selected as one of the 24 people who will be competing this season on American Idol.  12 men, 12 women: 1 American Idol. If you have ever watched the show, and you are a person who thinks deeply about things, you may now be asking the following questions: Do you find that you have way more recycling now than trash? Just how special is it to be one of the 24? How many people audition each year for American Idol?  I have done calculations, based on what the crowds look like on TV.  The answer is a number roughly equal to the entire continent of Africa, plus or minus Zimbabwe.

Back to ELISE TESTONE. Elise is the best friend of Janelle.  Janelle is my son Micah’s significant other.  This makes me the mother of Elise’s best friend’s boyfriend.  Or the mother of Elise’s friend, Micah, because Elise and Micah are also good friends. Elise has been to their house and had dinner there.  I HAVE BEEN TO THEIR HOUSE AND HAD DINNER THERE.  Elise has seen their dog, Lola.  I HAVE SEEN THEIR DOG, LOLA.  Elise and Janelle talk on the phone.  JANELLE AND I TALK ON THE PHONE.  The connections are endless, but I won’t belabor them.

I am in a virtual swoon over the thought of Elise competing on the show. Until this occurred, the closest I ever got to celebrity was that my elementary school friend’s grandparents lived next door to Eddie Fisher’s parents, and Eddie Fisher was married to both Debbie Reynolds and Elizabeth Taylor.  Although not at the same time.

Back to Elise.  She is crazy-talented and she really does have a shot at winning this.  There are probably people from TMZ already going through her trashcan and selling photos of the trash to US Weekly.  A biopic about her is probably being written for the E Channel.  Mattel will probably be coming out with an Elise Barbie.  Oh, and she’ll probably get a guest spot on Glee and sing the national anthem at the super bowl and win Grammys and pose on the red carpet and meet George Clooney.  And American Idol hasn’t even started.  But none of this will happen without your votes.

My stats tell me I have 943 blog followers, although I suspect at least half of them have topographagnosia and came here by mistake and can’t find their way out.  No Matter. I speak now to all of you: PLEASE watch the show.  PLEASE vote for Elise. PLEASE make this mother of the boyfriend of the best friend happy.  Thank you.

American Idol Wednesday, February 29, 8PM, Fox Channel

Did I say her name was ELISE TESTONE?