Thanks to Newsweek, I have been alerted to what routinely goes on in hotels. According to the Newsweek article, a certain percentage of business travelers expect more than a mini-bar and little shampoos and conditioners. In order to help both innocent male travelers and innocent female room housekeepers traverse this hostile new territory, Newsweek provides a handy chart:
I wondered why I had not been aware of these shenanigans. After all, I travel. I stay in hotels. Then I realized that the hotels I stay in don’t have hallways, let alone room service. The only times I have ever called the front desks involved 1.a fetid odor 2. a large, wet spot on the carpet 3.the headboard of the next room being repeatedly knocked against the wall at 45 minute intervals 4. activity I could see from my window that I’m pretty sure involved the Russian mafia. None of my calls resulted in any satisfactory response from management.
If the sheets are clean,the toilet flushes,the room locks, and there is no funky smell (#1 above was a deviation from my usual high standards), I’ll stay. And if any members of international crime organizations feel the need to conduct business at inappropriate hours,they are welcome to do so if they do it quietly and if I don’t find any bloodstains outside my door in the morning.
But this article was a peek into a world I don’t share. The only crime I have ever known committed against a room cleaning person was when a friend of Now Husband Dan stole handfuls of little shampoo, conditioners, and moisturizer from the maid’s cart at the Holiday Inn Express in Rehoboth, Delaware. He brought them to me because when he wasn’t at the beach, he and his wife were staying with us. I thought what he did was really low class, but if any of you stay at my house now, you will see a basket of these items in the guest bath.
Back to the Newsweek chart. For the most part, I like the advice given, with just a couple small exceptions. One is that to my knowledge, the word “skedaddle” hasn’t been used since 1951, so business travelers should be alerted that the word does not mean “Put on a mask and a pair of women’s panties and carry a bull whip.”
Also,the article advises “Don’t be afraid to yell for help.” The best way to yell for help is not to scream, “Help!” That does absolutely nothing. Instead, scream “Fire!” or “Your wife is coming!” Either way, a lot of doors will then open and a lot of naked men will rush out into the hallway. In the tumult, you will be able to escape. And, if you think of it, grab a handful of those little shampoos and conditioners on the way out. My houseguests would really appreciate it.
Struggling Dad
June 13, 2011
In a post of mine some time ago (or perhaps just an e-mail; I’m over 40, so it could have been anytime anywhere), I talked about my own experience with something a little like this.
Back in about 1995, I was invited over from England to work with a company in Seattle for a week. They put me up in a 5-star hotel.
On my first night there, a lady from the hotel came to the door and asked me if I wanted “my bed turned down.” I was completely clueless and wondered if the company had sent her to convince me using the sweetest kind of persuasion to work for them…
After some umming and ahhing, I mumbled something like “I guess” and let her in, staying close to the door in case I needed to exit quickly. She wandered across to the bed…and turned down my bed covers. She left a nice chocolate there and came back to the door to leave.
Dilemma #2 … is this a tipping situation? How much do you tip someone for a completely pointless task? If I tip here, will SHE think that *I* am coming on to HER??
I opted for the clever strategy of not tipping her anything. 🙂 No more bed turndowns, no more heart attacks. It was a win-win for me.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 14, 2011
I guess certain situations can be confusing. I read #1 twice, and I have no idea. Gee, I’ve never had a male come into my room to “turn down my bed.” As for the tipping, I think you did the right thing.
Tori Nelson
June 13, 2011
I wouldn’t want some strange man skedaddling on me.
Just kidding, I just looked it up. Why such a fancy word for “leave”?
Elly Lou
June 14, 2011
But I’ll let Renee skedaddle me any time she wants. PS my kin folk back home in the holler use that word all the time.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 14, 2011
I had a man skedaddle me once on top of a bar in DC.
Lunar Euphoria
June 13, 2011
Men are so weird.
merrilymarylee
June 13, 2011
You’re right. Change skeedaddle to HAUL ASS!
pegoleg
June 13, 2011
Newsweek probably felt this review was necesary because of certain IMF officials who violate Rule #6, Do not attack the maid.
Do you need any disposable shower caps for your guests?
lifeintheboomerlane
June 14, 2011
I will take virtually anything from a hotel room, but I draw the line at disposable shower caps.
Woman Wielding Words
June 13, 2011
I’m tired of the perversity of this world.
Kathryn McCullough
June 13, 2011
Too funny! Though I love merrilymarylee’s comment, as well! Haul ass–indeed!
Kathy
deliriouslydivine
June 13, 2011
wait…wait…NHD and his WIFE? Did I miss something in your history?
lifeintheboomerlane
June 14, 2011
The “he and his wife” referred to NHD’s friend. Laughing.
jacquelincangro
June 14, 2011
All well and good, though I think if you prop the door open with the vacuum cleaner, it makes it a bit hard to vacuum the room.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 14, 2011
I thought exactly the same thing. Surely something else could be used that wouldn’t result in the housekeeper being fired for not vacuuming..
k8edid
June 14, 2011
I agree, those business traveler rules are from a world I don’t share. I traveled for 10 years for my last job, every week Tuesday through Friday. I actually kind of miss it – someone else cleaning up, all that free time on my hands to read, write, play hours of on-line Scrabble…
And those shower caps make lovely covers for your bowls of food in the refrigerator. My grandchildren LOVE the little shampoos, conditioners, and lotions. I’ll ship you some…
lifeintheboomerlane
June 14, 2011
Seriously, do. I never thought of the shower cap thing. Will have to make more room in my suitcase next time.
TexasTrailerParkTrash
June 14, 2011
Tip #1 (“Don’t answer the door if you’re not dressed.”) may be a good idea in this situation, but the opposite actually works quite well if there are Jehovah’s Witnesses on the other side.
Especially if you come to the door naked without your prosthetic leg on like my Vietnam vet friend did. Never was bothered by them again.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 14, 2011
That might be the only upside of an amputation.
The Good Greatsby
June 14, 2011
I also zoomed right in on skedaddle. It would be fun to hear the maids using this word, “He came to the door in his towel and I skedaddled right out of there.”
lifeintheboomerlane
June 14, 2011
Check out the log book for the Porcupine Inn in Mud Lick, West Virginia.
omawarisan
June 15, 2011
report it to your union representative? Man, I bet Strauss-Khan would have thought twice if he thought he’d have to face the shop steward.
writerwoman61
June 19, 2011
Tip #3 for business travellers raises the question: “Who do you ask for help?” Yikes!
Wendy