It snowed yesterday and the roads were really bad, so Life in the Boomer Lane called the gym this morning to ask if the Pilates class would still be held and was totally bummed that the class was in doubt. LBL wanted to hear that it was cancelled. Awhile later, LBL got a call to say that the instructor was running late, but the class would be held. So LBL went to the gym and the instructor was there, along with two more people in the class. LBL guesses she looked startled/confused, which is how she goes about most of her life anyway. But all she said was, “Oh, I thought this class was starting late today.” This elicited a tirade from the instructor which lasted for approximately the rest of the class in which she vented about everything imaginable, without breaking stride on the exercises. It went sort of like this:
“Some people have no business dealing with the public if they are going to lie about classes starting late and get everyone in trouble set your weights down one half and grab the straps making sure not to arch your back or you will injure yourself, then you come in here all upset with me because someone lied to you–”
“I’m not upset.”
“So you are upset and raging and OK, transfer the straps from your legs to your hands and we’ll go into the small rotations–”
“I’m not raging. Or upset. Is it 2 or 1.5 weights on the hand thing?”
“Two. And it’s so totally not my fault that people lie all the time, make those circles smaller please, and you come in here raging at me, reverse the circles please, and I didn’t do anything–”
“I don’t think I was raging at anyone. Can I reduce to 1.5 please?”
“Sure. You are always upset about everything in this class. Stop at 12. Now face the machines and grab the straps. You are always upset about everything.”
“What was I ever upset about?”
“When you lost your card, three, four, five, six, grab the straps higher up. You were so angry. Is the weight too much?”
“The weight is fine. I didn’t lose my card. I don’t see my cards. They are always in the box. I didn’t understand why I was being blamed for losing my card. ”
“You are always upset about everything. Let’s do the frog, then the elephant, then we’ll stretch. ”
“I don’t think I am–”
“Keep your back straight on this.”
“-upset. ”
“Well, I guess I am. I have a life, you know, and sometimes I have things happen at home and I get really upset but I have to come in here and be all cheerful and perky to everyone and hide my real feelings.”
“Uh yeah, I can see how stressful that would be for you. So uh, have a great holiday.”
“I didn’t lose your card. The other instructor did. And you are always complaining about having to stack up the machines.”
“Uh, I don’t stack. Because of my back. You know, I have the rods. I can’t lift anything.”
“See, you are always complaining about everything. You have a great holiday, too.”
Life in the Boomer Lane 
duke1959
December 17, 2010
Take a bottle of Jack Daniels with you next time and hand it to her when she goes on a rant again. Maybe that will calm her down.
lifeintheboomerlane
December 17, 2010
Methinks she might have had something before she came to class…
carldagostino
December 17, 2010
So I guess the stress is not being evaporated and diminished by the exercise. You really did a great job of “weaving” this altogether. It’s classic and now you have me thinking of subjects from which I can do a take-off parody.
lifeintheboomerlane
December 17, 2010
Isn’t it wonderful how life just keeps providing us with great material?
duke1959
December 17, 2010
That is so true. Some of te stuff that gord on you could neber make up!
Kathryn McCullough
December 17, 2010
Wow–this woman sounds nuts! Will you take the class again? Is the instructor like this often?
But it reminds me of an encounter I had earlier this week with my vet in Haiti. I was preparing to leave Port-au-Prince for the holidays and bring my dog home with me for a couple of weeks, which required the vet create a health certificate that would assure the dog could re-enter the US. The vet threw a tantrum in the middle of our visit. It was an insane encounter, but it gave me something great to write about in a post called “A Haitian Tale of Veterinary Angst.”
http://reinventingtheeventhorizon.wordpress.com/2010/12/14/a-haitian-tale-of-veterinary-angst/
Take care,
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
December 17, 2010
I’m definitely reading your post. My instructor is a bit tightly wound, if you know what I mean. This was the worst episode, though. The other day, my aunt’s social worker at the rebab facility was ranting to me about the head nurse at my aunt’s assisted living facility. I said, “You know, when people act that way, I always keep in mind that we never know what’s going on in a person’s life. So we have to think of that. Then, after thinking, we can call them a f-ing asshole.”
2blu2btru
December 17, 2010
Wow…I find Pilates hard enough without all the teacher drama. This is why I prefer yoga…preferably Vinyasa or something. It’s calming and challenging…and the instructors are usually…zen, I guess you could say. I too am wondering if you’re going to return to this class.
lifeintheboomerlane
December 17, 2010
I told her that I needed to talk to her at the end of the class because it was inappropriate to discuss things in front of the other people. We sort of cleared the air, and I will continue the class, unless it does happen again. But I don’t think it will.
yael
December 17, 2010
I can’t believe you’re going back to her class. Jerk city.
lifeintheboomerlane
December 17, 2010
I think she is going to be a good girl from now on.
writerwoman61
December 18, 2010
That’s horrible, Renée! For the record, I think whoever came up with Pilates was a sadist! I hope there are no more outbursts, and that you’re able to endure the torture in peace!
Hugs,
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
December 18, 2010
I’m so non-confrontational. I was actually proud of myself that I talked to her after the class. I think she will keep herself under control now. Pilates Reformer is different than regular Pilates. If I can do it, anyone can!
36x37
December 18, 2010
Wow. It sounds to me like you’re stuck with a horrible instructor. Next time you go to class, I think you should gripe as much as possible, just to show her what griping REALLY sounds like.
My spinning instructor is chatty and perky and she never starts class on time. She also says things like, “I’m super-duper tired today. Let’s take it easy tonight.” That’s a strange feeling–when your 21-year old instructor is more tired than you are.
lifeintheboomerlane
December 18, 2010
I have such mixed feeling about the whole working out thing. I always go, but when a trainer or instructor is late or cancels a class or is distracted/tired, I feel like a little kid who has just gotten a snow day.
merrilymarylee
December 19, 2010
Dang! Glad it wasn’t yoga.
lifeintheboomerlane
December 19, 2010
Yeah, yoga instructors come from Zenland.
sunshineinlondon
December 19, 2010
Refer her to my husband, Renee – he’s a therapist. Sounds like she needs to see him two three four! Thank the Lord she doesn’t teach boxing.
Sunshine xx
lifeintheboomerlane
December 19, 2010
Oh, (laughing), I could have used that boxing line in the post. That old phrase, “tightly wound” fits her perfectly.