My Altercation With My Pilates Instructor, two, three, four…

Posted on December 17, 2010


It snowed yesterday and the roads were really bad, so Life in the Boomer Lane called the gym this morning to ask if the Pilates class would still be held and was totally bummed that the class was in doubt.  LBL wanted to hear that it was cancelled.  Awhile later, LBL got a call to say that the instructor was running late, but the class would be held.  So LBL went to the gym and the instructor was there, along with two more people in the class.  LBL guesses she looked startled/confused, which is how she goes about most of her life anyway.  But all she said was, “Oh, I thought this class was starting late today.”  This elicited a tirade from the instructor which lasted for approximately the rest of the class in which she vented about everything imaginable, without breaking stride on the exercises.  It went sort of like this:

“Some people have no business dealing with the public if they are going to lie about classes starting late and get everyone in trouble set your weights down one half and grab the straps making sure not to arch your back or you will injure yourself, then you come in here all upset with me because someone lied to you–”

“I’m not upset.”

“So you are upset and raging and OK, transfer the straps from your legs to your hands and we’ll go into the small rotations–”

“I’m not raging.  Or upset.  Is it 2 or 1.5 weights on the hand thing?”

“Two.  And it’s so totally not my fault that people lie all the time, make those circles smaller please, and you come in here raging at me, reverse the circles please, and I didn’t do anything–”

“I don’t think I was raging at anyone.  Can I reduce to 1.5 please?”

“Sure.  You are always upset about everything in this class.  Stop at 12.  Now face the machines and grab the straps.  You are always upset about everything.”

“What was I ever upset about?”

“When you lost your card, three, four, five, six, grab the straps higher up.  You were so angry. Is the weight too much?”

“The weight is fine.  I didn’t lose my card.  I don’t see my cards.  They are always in the box. I didn’t understand why I was being blamed for losing my card. ”

“You are always upset about everything.   Let’s do the frog, then the elephant, then we’ll stretch. ”

“I don’t think I am–”

“Keep your back straight on this.”

“-upset. ”

“Well, I guess I am.  I have a life, you know, and sometimes I have things happen at home and I get really upset but I have to come in here and be all cheerful and perky to everyone and hide my real feelings.”

“Uh yeah, I can see how stressful that would be for you.  So uh, have a great holiday.”

“I didn’t lose your card.  The other instructor did.   And you are always complaining about having to stack up the machines.”

“Uh, I don’t stack.  Because of my back.  You know, I have the rods.  I can’t lift anything.”

“See, you are always complaining about everything.  You have a great holiday, too.”

Posted in: Exercising, humor, life