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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All posts tagged under »pop culture«
Snooki Speaks at Rutgers University
April 4, 2011
I have my blog post written for today. I’m not going to use it. On my way to the gym, I listened to someone talking about Snooki, the squat, always-drunk member of the “Jersey Shore” TV reality show and car-wreck-in-progress cast. On Thursday, she spoke at Rutgers University. She was paid $32,000 to do so. She told […]
What Makes Things Spew Out of My Nose
March 11, 2011
Life in the Boomer Lane can’t help it. Whenever anything happens that makes her feel uncomfortable or helpless or scared, she makes a joke. Then LBL makes herself laugh (because she is always her own best audience) and then things come out of her nose. Her life has never been directly threatened, but on two occasions when […]
A Short Phone Conversation Between Charlie Sheen and Muammar Qaddafi
March 3, 2011
CS: Hey, Mu, how’s it hangin? MQ: Bigger, if you catch my drift, man. CS: You dog. I can relate. MQ: So, what’s up? (Mutual laughter here) CS: Your name keeps comin up lately. People keep sayin I could run Libya. MQ: Chalib, you don’t even speak Arabic. CS: Arabic, schmarabic. Don’t matter, amigo. I’m a […]
How Much Does A Woman Cost?
March 1, 2011
This past Sunday, Life in the Boomer Lane’s friend Roni and LBL were driving to Baltimore for the annual ACC Craft Show (“Our motto: We have amazing crafts. You can either buy one of them or make your mortgage payment this month.”) Roni was regaling LBL with the latest romp (in the salon, not the bedroom) she had with her […]
Fat Pets and Fatter Wallets
February 23, 2011
Now Husband Dan decided to ruin my day by sending me an article from the March/April issue of Mother Jones magazine. This article distracted me from my alarm at learning on TV that there is a Fat Pet Epidemic. Half of all US cats and dogs are now considered obese. I immediately asked Miracle the […]
Women in Packaging
February 17, 2011
The title of this post doesn’t refer to Angelina Jolie action figures or to or females with all of their body parts squished into Spanx. Women in Packaging, Inc is “an international, nonprofit, professional packaging organization dedicated to the growth and success of packaging professionals.” There. Now you know. In addition to Women in Packaging, […]
The Man’s Guide to Dating After 50
February 9, 2011
Boomers, like many other people, feel the need to develop close, nurturing relationships with another human being, as well as to occasionally get a free meal at a nice restaurant. For this reason, Time reports that people over the age of 45 have stampeded in record numbers to online dating sites. Internet dating can lead […]
There she is, Miss America…
January 15, 2011
This evening, the Miss America Pageant is prepared to stomp dance on our faces once again, with its laminated toothy smiles and stiletto heels. Oh whoops, am I being too hard on this tattered piece of Americana? You bet. I grew up with Miss America, and I have watched her slide from pure goodness and […]
A Dialog With My 13 Year Old Self
January 11, 2011
So, 13, yesterday I was throwing out some stuff in the attic and I found the diary you kept 50 years ago. I’m a little bit appalled confused about some of the things in there. Listen 63, I’m not stupid. I saw you wanted to use the word “appalled.” And that diary had a lock […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
I’ll Have Two Elf Ears and a Side of Bacon
April 19, 2011
45
Thanks to AARP, I have been alerted to a new trend in man’s ongoing quest for perfection: elf ears. AARP states that “Body modification artists cut the tops of young people’s ears and sew them back together in a pointed shape.” The segment is titled, “Ah, Youth! Sometimes we don’t miss it.” I don’t […]