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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All posts tagged under »humor«
A Short Tech Support Call With Apple
Abble, ken I halp you? Uh, yes, I am trying to get an app for my iPhone and Apple won’t recognize my user name or password. This has happened to me several times before. I ken halp you. Vhat iss your passvort? Uh, that’s why I am calling you. Apple doesn’t recognize my password. Vaht ver you trying […]
Living Large After Death
January 3, 2013 by Life in the Boomer Lane
Despite opposition from some members of his Republican party, and despite 87% of the American population being unable to pronounce his name correctly, John Boehner today won a second term as US Speaker of the House. In another joyous development, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter have been deemed safe listening fare by the Pentagon, while anything […]
Welcome to 2013. You can run, but you can’t hide.
January 1, 2013 by Life in the Boomer Lane
Back on January 1, 1541, it would have been tough to predict what the coming year would bring. Nostradamus was the only high-profile prognosticator around then, but, in the absence of tweets, iPhones, and The Anderson Cooper Show, most of his predictions were unknown to the general population. Most people simply went out their daily […]
The Good Wife Guide
December 16, 2012 by Life in the Boomer Lane
The Ladies’ Homemaker Monthly , a popular journal that began about 100 years ago, provided women with rules to live by. Their motto was “You can judge a good woman by how many well-dressed children she has and the contentment of her husband.” The Good Wife Guide: 19 Rules for Keeping A Happy Husband is […]
Unicorns, Starvation, and Sparkly Fairy Dust
December 3, 2012 by Life in the Boomer Lane
In an announcement Friday, the North Korean state news agency reported that archaeologists recently reconfirmed the discovery of the lair of a unicorn once ridden by an ancient Korean king. According to the Korean Central News Agency, the discovery was made about 219 yards from the Yongmyong Temple in Pyongyang. A rock that sits in […]
Boomer Breasts and the State of the Planet
November 30, 2012 by Life in the Boomer Lane
Boomer breasts, while going about their daily business in relative obscurity, have nonetheless unwittingly become symbols of the general state of our world. The Breaking up of the Polar Ice Caps: The southward journey of the Boomer breast is symbolic of the sinking of the polar ice caps, but because it is located in a […]
Alienation
November 28, 2012 by Life in the Boomer Lane
World events have been happening so quickly in the past week that, midway through my consumption of a sweet potato and marshmallow casserole, I seriously considered blowing off the Post-Thanksgiving-Held-on-Actual-Thanksgiving Midnight Madness at the local Walmart in order to track events as they were unfolding. We shall begin with a discovery beneath the […]
Bimbos, Dildos, and Ho-Hos
November 19, 2012 by Life in the Boomer Lane
In an event even more shocking than the removal of a 9 inch dildo from the intestines of a 30-year-old man in Zhongshan, China, the Hostess Company, purveyors of food like substances since 1930, is shutting its doors. No longer will chubby fingers be able to pull apart such nutrient-deficient but oh-so-fun products as Sno Balls, Devil […]
Voice of Elmo, Silenced
November 18, 2012 by Life in the Boomer Lane
Fifty-two-year-old Kevin Clash, who, since 1984, has been the voice of the beloved Muppet Elmo, was recently accused of having had a sexual relationship with a 16-year-old boy. Clash took a leave of absence from Sesame Street after the claims surfaced. In June, a young man contacted Sesame Workshop saying he had a sexual relationship with […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
January 11, 2013 by Life in the Boomer Lane
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