Life in the Boomer Lane was just visited for a couple days from two long time friends. Judy, since 9th grade. Susan, since 5th. The years of our lives have been filled with whatever fills years. We marvel each time we are together that we pick up exactly where we left off. We eat, we laugh, we look back and we look forward. We know we are in a safe space in which we can share anything, with the knowledge that there will be no judgement. Whatever the topic, there is only joy in the ability to share so freely.
*****
For many of us, friendships change throughout the years, depending on where we are in our lives. We may connect first with the little girl next door, since next door is as far as our tiny world allows. Seamlessly, our world expands, from next door to the block, then on throughout the neighborhood, assorted schools, sports teams, offices, interest groups. As our eyes stretch across the ever-widening borders of our world, they land on others who become an integral part of it.
For others, friends are the constant in an ever-shifting and sometimes overwhelming and frightening world. Parents, spouses, and children may hurt us, may disappoint us, may leave us. Friends offer more than consolation. They are the soft landing we crave. They are also the evidence we need that we, too, can be what they are.
As many of us age, the friendships we sustain and we newly form take on a new dimension. We make the shift from friendships as shared experience to the sense that we are part of a community of women that has no specific interest or goal or geographic boundary to identify us. We have simply our age. We are women at midlife and beyond. We have passed through whatever experiences we have chosen or have been chosen for us. We have spent our energies on others and have discovered that there is energy left for ourselves or for the world, whichever we choose. We have formed, and sometimes reformed, families. We have survived, and we have failed more times than we can recall. In the process, we have learned to let go all expectations other than the ones we create.
Anonymous
October 3, 2014
Beautiful!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
Thanks!
Retirementallychallenged.com
October 3, 2014
My oldest friend ( we first met before either of us could put together a complete sentence) will be visiting in a few weeks. I look forward to picking up where we left off – as if we hadn’t been apart for way too long. Our shared history is the glue of our friendship.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
Ah, have a beautiful time.
katecrimmins
October 3, 2014
You are lucky. Both my childhood friend and my best friend in high school have died. I have a few other long term friends but they live far, far away. My besties at this point have been friends for 20 years instead of 60 but that still works. The best part about aging (and maybe the only good part) is that we care less about stuff and more about friends.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
I lost a very close friend when we were in our late 40s. I still miss her. I agree that, as we age, we care less about stuff and more about friends. It’s part of why my high school friends all reconnected with each other after our 40th reunion. It’s been such a gift.
btg5885
October 3, 2014
Everyone needs a soft place to land. I have some friends that date back to the 3rd grade and when we get together we talk for hours. One waitress told us we needed to leave as they needed to prepare for a dinner shift after our long lunch. Good post, BTG
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
Thanks, BTG. I can so relate to the long lunch thing. It’s amazing and wonderful.
NN Bartley
October 3, 2014
Well said.
I have a group of five other friends that I have known since middle school/high school and we get together at least once a year. While I wasn’t that close with all of them back in the day, they have become total supporters/ friends/sounding boards now. Our travels have cemented “friends of friends” into just “friends”. And you hit the nail on the head with “it’s just age”. This is a disparate group I’m with…3 mothers of 3 kids, 3 no children but 2 are step parents. Two married to older men, one was married to a younger man but is now divorced and has Stage IV breast cancer. Total right wing conservatives and one screaming (literally sometimes!) liberal. But our age and experiences and the fact that we have survived this long (60 next year) are the things holding us all together now.
That and a few good bottles of wine.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
Thanks, NN, and thanks for these comments. Yes, after awhile, the paths we have taken don’t matter. We have gotten to here, and that’s what does matter. And the wine does help. And the laughter.
Book Club Mom
October 3, 2014
So true and so well-said. Friends are what it’s all about!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
Thanks, BCM.
dorannrule
October 3, 2014
This is so beautifully written and eloquently punctuates the great value of friendship through life.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
Thanks, Dorann.
Patricia
October 3, 2014
Some friends come and go some are constant. Both are precious.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
Yes. Each friendship is a gift. I still think about people I haven’t seen in decades.
evelinamarie
October 3, 2014
A funny thing, suddenly in my 60s I’ve picked up friendships that date back over 40 years. We’re mostly scattered all over the country and “found” each other – where else – but on Facebook. Some remained FB friends and these online friendships are strong. Others have become “real life” friends. We caught up and continued on. And then there are the ongoing friendships that go back about 25 years or so and newer friends that I’ve made when I finally settled in the Rural Midwest a little over a decade ago. I think different friends come in and out of our lives at different times in our lives because we are at different points in our lives. I don’t necessarily find one more valuable than the next due to longevity or proximity. I enjoy each for the unique emotional bond we share at any given time.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
Beautifully said, Evelina.
Anonymous
October 4, 2014
I loved this, it’s so, so true!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
Thanks!
betzcee
October 4, 2014
True and beautiful words! I seem to lose connection with friends when circumstances change, and have wondered if it is because I am lacking some natural ability to be a good friend. Then a year ago, I met a group of people who will remain in my circle forever. Some are acquaintances, some good friends, and others are more than friends in that we feel a level of comfort in one another’s’ company that cannot be replicated, not even in the bosom of family. They are my “Framily”.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
I hadn’t heard the word “framily.” What a perfect way to describe it.
Lorna's Voice
October 4, 2014
I want to be in an inner tub with my friend 25 year from now. But probably someone would launch us into the stream and let us drift into oblivion. Not a bad way to go, come to think of it!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
Could be worse, right? You’d go out laughing.
Lorna's Voice
October 5, 2014
So true!
divorce1943
October 4, 2014
I have been thinking about the friends in my life right now. I’m trying to define what is a ‘friend’ and maybe I don’t truly understand. Everyone says I have so many friends because I am involved in so many things. I however, don’t consider these people friends only acquaintances. Yes, we go out, have a laugh, but many times I still feel lonely. My closest friends are quite ill and I don’t think they will be around for longer. They know everything about my life and its shared both ways. Where do I begin with a new friend? I guess the best way to look at this, is to slot people into my life through activities, family, closeness, facebook, etc. But the real closeness one finds with a long time friend is something that should be cherished. I’m divorced and in my early 70’s, so life is shorter for me and time is marching on.
NN Bartley
October 4, 2014
the true friends are the ones that come through when no one else does. Very hard to find. But shared interests can forge a new bond….just takes getting beyond the superficial.
Sorry to hear about your close friends being ill. That’s hard on everyone.
Hug.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 5, 2014
The loss of a close friend is a loss that stays with us forever. But, for me, I’ve found that being completely authentic and vulnerable with another person opens the possibility for close friendship.
betzcee
October 6, 2014
I have nominated this post for the One Lovely Blog Award. If you wish to participate, check out the instructions here: http://betzceerambles.com/2014/10/06/its-an-honour-to-be-nominated-the-one-lovely-blog-award/
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 6, 2014
For several reasons, I don’t participate in awards. But know that I am truly honored to be nominated.
benzeknees
December 16, 2014
Friendships are the things I miss most. Due to geographical moves I have lost the ability to visit or have a cup of coffee with a friend or a ladies night out. Now the few friends I have are all online & when life interferes (like for me this fall) some of those friends also wander away. We cannot allow our friendships to slip away, we need to cultivate them before they are gone!