My New Year’s Resolutions

If you are getting excited about the prospect of making your list of New Years resolutions,and your list has
been basically the same since 1967, you may want to take a gander at the following.

The ten top New Year’s resolutions are:

1. Lose Weight and Get Fit
2. Quit Smoking
3. Learn Something New
4. Eat Healthier and Diet
5. Get Out of Debt and Save Money
6. Spend More Time with Family
7. Travel to New Places
8. Be Less Stressed
9. Volunteer
10. Drink Less

The ten top commonly broken New Year’s resolutions are

1. Lose Weight and Get Fit
2. Quit Smoking
3. Learn Something New
4. Eat Healthier and Diet
5. Get Out of Debt and Save Money
6. Spend More Time with Family
7. Travel to New Places
8. Be Less Stressed
9. Volunteer
10. Drink Less

Either we are delusional about our resolutions or we are extremely delusional about our resolutions. Time to stop the insanity. Let’s start with the following: You will make resolutions. You will not keep them. Why, then, not trash the standard resolutions. Then, if you do happen to lose weight, stop smoking and/or drinking, get out of debt and do all of that while spending more time with your family, you can be delightfully surprised.

Here are Life in the Boomer Lane’s own resolutions. Most of these are actually serious:

1. Grab cell phones out of people’s hands when they are being loud and obnoxious in public places. If a person looks like he or she eats pit bulls for lunch, and so I am too chicken shit to do that, I will at least least give them a thumbs down or hold my hands over my ears to make a point.
2. If someone cuts in line in front of me, I will say something. If they cut in line in front of someone else, I will say something even more loudly.
3. Slow down to 20mph when someone is tailgating me (I always do this anyway, so this is a freebie)
4. Invade a department store, gather up all the Spanx, bring them into a dressing room and stuff them into a large trash bag. Hide the bag in the children’s clothing department.
5. Get a bra that fits
6. Do not buy merchandise made by slave labor or child labor
7. Do not eat any food item that weighs more than me
8. Do not consume a chicken whose breasts look like Dolly Parton’s
9. Stop patronizing Wal-Mart (as I have only been to Wal-Mat a few times in my life, this is basically a freebie)
10.Do not buy any pork products or chicken anywhere unless it comes from a small facility in which the animals are not abused. (Bye bye pepperoni pizza. Sob.)

Choose your own items. LBL presents the following as a suggestion for each of you to put on your list:

Choose your favorite blogger and send them a large check. Make sure the check won’t bounce. If your financial situation does not allow you to do this, leave a comment that says, “I am indebted to you for providing me with a reason to go on living.” None of us makes a dime doing this (except for that blogger who does recipes and is now cleaning floors on TV), so we need to know that we are at least saving lives.