A Life in Posts

My first blog post.

Tori, Tori, Tori.  She’s one hell of a wordsmith, all right.  Like Rapunzel’s hair, Tori’s words spill effortlessly out, seemingly without end.  And they don’t even get split ends.  So when Tori designated me as the “hilarious Renee Fisher” and gave me the 7 Posts Award: Share Your Best Posts With Your Readers,” I got a little queasy.  I mean, this is a big.  Really big. 

After having this award bestowed, I asked myself the following: What defines “best?”  Is this not a subjective analysis resulting from mankind’s ongoing battle between the forces of good and evil?  Or is it actually closer to Zhou era Chinese thought?  Or even logical positivism?  This internal dialogue was broken only by frequent trips to the refrigerator, in which sadly, a can of Turkish olives remained the only thing even vaguely worth eating.  At last, the dialogue was interrupted when the house started shaking violently, things flew off the walls, and I had concrete proof of something I have always suspected about myself: When the going gets tough, I will run for my life and the hell with everything else.

Back to the assignment. The truest thing anyone ever said about me was that I was a cross between the Lil Rascals and Mother Teresa.  That just about sums up my life (including my marriages and my record as a mother) and defines my writing.  My writing, as my legion (“legion” being a loose term that can be any number that starts with at least a single digit) of followers, might have realized this by now.  With me, you never know what you are going to get.  I’m the writer, and most often I don’t know what you are going to get, either.

After I stopped ruminating, and after all the olives were gone, here are the seven posts I chose:

My Favorite Funny Post: Snuggling Babies Across Borders

My Favorite Serious Post: My Friend Bill

The Post That Thousands Should Have Seen But Was Written Shortly After I Started the Blog and so Hardly Anybody Read It: The Seven Myths About Women Over 50

The Post That Still Has the Capability of Being the True Meaning of Life for the Entire Planet: Finding my Future in a Trashcan

First Post to be Freshly Pressed: My GPS Has A Different Accent Than Yours

Favorite Rant Post: 60 isn’t the new anything. Except 60.

Favorite Post About Who Might Be Stupider, my Cat or my Cat’s Owner: Cats Flying Off the Roof of My Car

And, last, I hereby bequeath his honor to the following bloggers:

BugginWord: Simply because if Elly’s brain were a ride at Disney World, I really would stand in one of those lines that snakes around forever and it’s 100 degrees outside and every small child within earshot is screaming at ungodly high decibel levels.

The Good Greatsby: because Paul lives in an alternate universe and wears glasses, which makes him totally a off-the-charts  kind of guy.

Reinventing the Event Horizon: because I do know a couple people who could have a book made of their lives, but I don’t know anyone but Kathy whose life could be four completely different books.  Plus, she refinishes furniture.

The Absence of Alternatives: because I tend to have brilliant insights about issues, but I don’t know I have them until I read these posts.  Then I can say, “Wow, I feel that way too!”

My Parents Are Crazier Than Yours: because you can do two things when life hands you lemons: You can make lemonade or you can paint silly faces on the lemons, put them in the refrigerator and have entire conversations with them.  And then, when they eventually begin to get weird looking, they just might start talking back and be really hilarious.