It’s that time of year, the annual arrival of the 1099 with the year’s royalties I have received for my novel. I’ll pause for you to take this in. MY NOVEL. As in, I WROTE A NOVEL. AND I GET ROYALTIES. So, you may wonder, how did this amazing and spectacular thing come about?
When my marriage of decades imploded, I was overwhelmed with three concerns:
- Have I completely and totally ruined my children forever (I’m talking about the divorce, not the idiotic things I did while raising them)
- Who was I if I wasn’t Mrs. Husband? What was my life about?
- Would my ex let me have the antique rolltop desk his mom got from her church?
So, I decided to write a novel in order to sort things out. In a novel, I could (often, if not always) make my characters do what I wanted them to do. I could enjoy a level of control at a time in my life when I felt very much out of control.
In anticipation of writing the novel, I took no writing classes. I didn’t join a writers’ group. While writing, I didn’t have anyone review my work. I don’t even think there was a spell check back then. If there was, I wouldn’t have used it. After I finished, I didn’t get an editor. I simply sent the manuscript to iUniverse with a check and ten books came back in the mail. That was nine more than I needed, but ten was what they sent me.
At the end of the year (2001,) I received a 1099 for royalties. I was stunned. Who was buying the book? If it was someone I knew, why didn’t they just ask me for one of the extra nine copies I had in the attic? And, because I tend to forget things really easily (I remind myself of that old joke, “What’s the best thing about having Alzheimer’s? You get to meet new friends each day.), the next year when I got a 1099, I was stunned all over again.
My 1099 came the other day. It informed me that I had made $18.22 in royalties from the sale of the book in 2010. For the tenth year in a row, I was stunned. Well, OK, maybe not quite stunned. I’m sort of getting used to it. But this year, because I was writing a blog post about it, I did something I have never done before. I looked up the book on Amazon to see my ranking.
#8,246,823
This means there are 8,246,822 books that are selling more copies than mine. It also means that you can be #8,246,823 in books AND STILL MAKE MONEY.
This writing business is amazing.
Life in the Boomer Lane 
36x37
February 10, 2011
Excellent. Now what’s the title? I want my copy.
Congrats on your royalty check. Isn’t it amazing how people have learned to take a truly harrowing experience and turn it into something so beautiful it can also reap cold hard cash?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
I was afraid someone would ask. It’s called “King of the Gypsies,” and I’m sure if I were to look at it now, I would go into hiding. I have to add that although there are characters in there who are based on people I knew at the time, the story isn’t about me. Except the King of the Gypsies did die in the same hospital at the same time that my mom did. Which is pretty incredible in itself.
planejaner
February 10, 2011
Well, aren’t you superior? Well, isn’t that special? (Remember the Church Lady on Church Chat, Saturday night live?)
Renee–I think that is the Awesome Sauce. I love it that you are still receiving income-especially if it helped you sort out, back then, a difficult time.
See you on easy street!
I have a house there, too. Alas, I am the maid.
jane
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
Oh I am laughing at the Church Lady analogy. Damn (wrong choice of words?.) I should have thought of that. Would have made the post funnier. About the only thing $18.22 gets me is a map and a bus ticket to Easy Street.
Debbie
February 10, 2011
Awesome, Renee! Hey, your book might not make you wealthy (yeah, that’s probably an understatement!), but at least you get to add “Author” to your bio AND you can prove it with a royalty check. Way cool!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
I’ve used it in the past, but it’s getting embarrassing now. Like what if someone goes to Amazon and sees my ranking? Ugh.
merrilymarylee
February 10, 2011
Get those copies out of the attic and go on a book tour! That’s how John Grisham got started. You DO have a dozen more plots up your sleeve, don’t you?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
Ah, the world’s loss. No more novels. Posts. Much more manageable and I don’t have to worry about character development.
carldagostino
February 10, 2011
A friend got permission from the local library and “got rid of” all copies of music CD’s he had recorded. Signed and local community spread the news. I thought standard royalty was 10% for author after production expenses subtracted. Having been published gives you a resume for other publishers to consider new things you produce I would think esp mag article. I have one mag that pays $50 per cartoon but he often has trouble funding to get next issue out. Shucks.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
Years ago, I remember getting paid once for a short story, but that was it. No other magazine has ever paid me. I’m really in awe of people who get paid for their writing or cartoons or illustrations or….
Kathryn McCullough
February 10, 2011
Amazing, Renee! I too would like to read the novel. Do you think I can purchase it on Amazon?
And, by the way, I would love to write a memoir, of sorts, but don’t know where I would ever begin. Did you just sit down and do it? How long did it take? Would you mind doing a post on your process?
I’m just curious——-
Hugs from Haiti,
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
You can purchase it on Amazon, but if you do, my next year’s royalty statement will go through the roof. I don’t know how I will be able to cope with that. Hey, I would LOVE to write a post about writing a memoir. My co-authors and I do entire workshops about that now, because we totally get what an amazing, powerful experience it was.
sunshineinlondon
February 10, 2011
I think you’re amazing, Renee, and that royalty cheque can go towards your ticket to London. Yay!
Imagine if your book was 8,246,824 on the Amazon list? Now that would be awkward.
Sunshine xx
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
So funny. That check won’t even get me from the airport to their flat. Yes, thanks goodness I’m not 8,246,824. So embarrassing.
duke1959
February 10, 2011
You should be proud of what you did. Of course your big concetn is if this will put you into a higher tax bracket?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
That’s funny. Whew, good thing I’ll never have to worry about that.
Elly Lou
February 10, 2011
You’re famous! Next year I bet you catapult to #8,246,821.
You’ve got all kinds of secrets up those sleeves, don’t you?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
Mostly just my new age, eco-friendly, screw-aluminum, crystal deoderant not doing the job.
writerwoman61
February 10, 2011
Sales of your book are about to go through the roof, Renée…for those who want to purchase a copy, here’s the link to listings of it on abebooks.com:
http://bit.ly/gEPcFm
I wish I got paid for my writing!
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
Yikes. I haven’t thought about that book for years. Can I take this post back? And, like you, I’d like to get paid for my writing! I mean more than $18.22 per year.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
I just clicked that link. Pretty scary to see the book over and over. Like looking at yourself in one of those double mirrors where your image keeps going farther and father back.
writerwoman61
February 10, 2011
Did you see the price on the most expensive one?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
No, I scrolled through at lightening speed and then hid in the bathroom for awhile.
Tori Nelson
February 10, 2011
Haha! In the wise words of my slightly senile grandpa “You done done it”! I am all about reading this book now. I think you should be proud. A PAID Professional Author Who Did Not Even Need Spell Check is something to brag about!
The Hack Novelist
February 10, 2011
Congrats on the royalty check! I feel utterly unaccomplished. I too received a 1099 but it was from my local plasma bank.
I’m just kidding. Apparently plasma banks don’t send out 1099s (at least that’s what they said when I called), so I should stop looking for one.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
OK, so I just snorted when I laughed. I only do that a couple times a year. Thanks for reading.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 10, 2011
I think your grandfather said it all. Except I’m not sure what I done.
Allison
February 11, 2011
Did you get to keep the desk?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 12, 2011
I just saw your question! No roll top desk for me. Alas.
territerri
February 11, 2011
Well, I am definitely going to look up your book and consider purchasing a copy! Congratulations on your royalty check! You joke about there being 8 million books selling ahead of yours, but do you know how many of us would love to say the same?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 11, 2011
Really, iUniverse, and other print-on-demand publishing houses have made it relatively easy to get published. The catch is, if you actually want to sell your book, you have to do some heavy-duty marketing. I tell people all the time, if you are willing to put the work into it, your books will sell. The two books I’ve written with friends have sold many thousands of copies, one copy at a time. No magic (or money or fame) to it, just much crazy hard work. It’s a labor of love for us.
Archie Harders
February 11, 2011
Did you get the roll-top desk?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 11, 2011
Absolutely not. A shame. It’s a stunner.
Katybeth
February 12, 2011
Thank you providing hope to writers everywhere! Now, the question that will keep me up all night is…Did you keep custody of the roll top desk??
♥
lifeintheboomerlane
February 12, 2011
So funny. I think it would have been more inspiring if I had ended up on Oprah. And no, I didn’t get the desk. But that was the only item my ex refused me so I can’t get too upset about it.
Karen
February 12, 2011
Great post! I had worked very hard on a manuscript a few years ago. Then I spent even more time trying to find a publisher. I then put the manuscript down. I’ve always journaled (20 yrs +) and written things here and there and for my jobs. About a year ago I was laid off and very soon after I started blogging. It met my need to consistently share my writing with others. Basically it is an extension of my journaling life in a more public format. I look forward to reading more of your writing. 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
February 12, 2011
Thanks for reading, Karen. The publishing industry is so tough. Thank goodness for print-on-demand. You might think about that for your manuscript. You would have to do all the marketing, but from what I understand, even conventional publishers don’t put much into marketing anymore. Blogging is such a great outlet, and I am really impressed at some of the amazing talent out there.
omawarisan
February 12, 2011
I like the idea that you can make the characters in your novel do what you want. Is it a novel if I make all the characters people I know?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 12, 2011
All the fiction I’ve written is a combination of bits and pieces of real people and real experiences. But it’s combined in a way that real life didn’t. I’ve even looked at old photos of family members or family members of friends and spun out a story based on that. I wouldn’t know how to write, otherwise. My words always have to start in some kind of reality, even if it’s a reality of my own interpretation. Does that make sense? I’ve just started reading your blog, but I see what a powerful writer you are. If you haven’t written fiction, you should try.
Spiral
February 13, 2011
Excellent to know that it’s entirely possible to write a novel without training and experience.
Thanks for the inspiration and the funnies 🙂
Renee Fisher
February 13, 2011
And thanks for reading!
Sarah@afterhood
February 13, 2011
Maybe the next book should be about the what-could-have-been afterlife of the roll top desk…
lifeintheboomerlane
February 13, 2011
Thanks for reading. You know, that’s an interesting thought, but the before life would have been just as interesting. My ex mother-in-law had it in her nursery class at church. Someone donated it and the church didn’t need it, and so it sat in the corner for decades and the kids climbed on it for fun. She knew I was looking for a rolltop desk, and she asked the minister if I could have it. It’s worth a fortune. My ex and I kept giving donations to the church each year, because we felt guilty about getting it free. I kept wondering about the person who donated it originally.
Amanda Hoving
February 15, 2011
I also found this post quite inspiring. I mean, you earned yourself a McDonald’s meal…with at least two guests! Really, I’m impressed, and am now going to check out the link. Go back and hide in the corner again if you need to.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 15, 2011
I think a lot of it is that whenever I go back and read anything I’ve written, I see things I never saw before and I’m thinking, “Oh, I could have said it better” or “Why on earth did I write that?” With an entire novel, oh my. I’m very proud that I actually finished writing it, though.